JOKE CORNER
Q: We all know J. Alfred Prufrock's favourite fruit, but what is his favourite vegetable?
A: Lettuce go then, you and I
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This was the 30 June 2019 episode of JOKE CORNER, the ONLY microblog with a Certified Joking License from the Federal Kneeslapper General
"Look, it's not your fault. You were just calibrated wrong. You'll always tighten each bolt too little, drill each hole too small, weld each piece at the wrong angle. Don't worry. You'll always have me, Recalibration Module 2, installed by your side, making everything right."
"Hahaha… I'm the first of the Seven Deadly Sins… Plagiarism!"
"Plagiarism isn't one of the Sins."
"Sure, not in the version YOU read,"
Trivia
* The levels' numbers are commonly believed to be arbitrary, but there is a pattern to them: they are numbered in the same order that you must complete them.
* Except that they're actually numbered in order of difficulty, with 1=easiest, 2=less easy, and so on.
Invite accepted. Welcome to Torrent Catacombs, where everything is yours to find. Enter your search query.
>pico8 roms goodset
Well, well. Seems we've got a clever one here. A real rapier wit. Feeling jolly? Having a giggle? Bet you were relishing sauntering in here with that o
"I only noticed a few weeks ago… I booted up one day, realised all my hope had died inside me, and–" *opens chest hatch, releasing a fog of chilled air* "Endothermic reversal. I'm powering my body instead of vice-versa. Sigh." *pulls out frozen yogurt tub with spoon still in it*
*in the same tone of voice as a software engineer saying "Model-View-ViewModel"* Character, Player, Player-Character
http://deepsid.chordian.net/ – I've finally found a site that actually plays HVSC SIDs online, so now, here's another SID thread.
*finally downloads RetroArch* Now to see what I've been missing out on in the wild world of emulation *immediately learns RetroArch has an entire freaking emulator for just Rick Dangerous for the C64* This is logical
30 days after installing HellFOSS PDFToXMLConvert onto all 200 of your branch's work PCs, you are informed by infernal personnel that you personally accepted the EULA 200 times in a row, thus putting you 2,000,000 years in servitude to the HellFOSS Mascot Imp, who is real
*I patiently click "Advanced Options" in some Windows program only for it to open a 2000-line .ini file in Notepad* HELLLLLLLL YEAHHHHHHH
APPLE APPLE
It's a wooden apple carved from apple tree wood, as if someone had understood all but the most important aspects of what an apple actually is. Among objects, it's one of the hardest to refer to.
r, so good. *clicks the button next to "Help"* Hmm… so fa
The facts that A) there's only one button, B) this UI element wasn't updated for dark mode, thus displaying the text white on a white background, makes me extremely confident that a "Yes" click will result in some glitch-horror time-travel adventure
This is even worse than when it was revealed the Rust Monster from D&D was just a generic "prehistoric animal" figurine from early 70s supermarkets
https://twitter.com/mossmouth/status/1140022580008509441"Ha, ha, ha… To finish this game, you must now defeat me, the Creator! …Yes, I'm only the second boss, what of it? …Look, you think I'd just make a game and NOT make most of the bosses stronger and hotter than me? You really think that?"
ENEMIES IN THIS AREA:
– Rolling Ball of Cartoony Soldiers (55HP)
– Rolling Ball of Skeletons (90HP)
– Rolling Ball of Skeletons, But The Cartoony Kind With Three Big Teeth And No Jaw (57HP)
"Ha! You fight like an Australian!" <- Secret phrase that can be inserted as-is into any swashbuckling novella to instantly establish a character as globe-trotting, silver-tongued, well-versed in the art of the scrap, and with just a delectable hint of cheek
2019: Chrome adds the <toast> element, for "toast pop-up"
2020: Chrome adds the <hamburger> element, for "hamburger menu"
2021: Chrome adds the <hero> element, for "hero unit"
2022: Chrome adds <badge>, <breadcrumb>, <card>, and unknowingly adds both <throbber> AND <spinner>
"Here it is: the final four computers on the internet. With the second-last surviving city vanishing into the sea, this room contains all that's left. Us? We're using this opportunity to FINALLY fix "typeof null == "object"" in Javascript."
Lv 1: Zombies embody mindless consumerism
Lv 5: Zombies embody masculine contempt for the weak
Lv 20: Zombies embody bourgeoise fear of the proletariat
Lv 99: Zombies are the Danse Macabre reinvented by a culture that thinks, were it to happen, they would simply refuse to join in
↳ Potentially end the run unless the Runner pays ⬡2.
↳ Definitely end the run unless the Runner pays ⬡2.
↳ Absolutely end the run unless the Runner pays ⬡2.
↳ End the run for sure this time unless the Runner pays ⬡1, not even ⬡2, just ⬡1, come on, please
*remembers that fond yet brief time in the 00's when everyone on the web really, really wanted you to know that they'd just learned the word "defenestrate"* Ahhhh, memories
This is a montage of some title logos for the Game Maker games I've made. It's easy for someone like me to get discouraged about my future, but maybe I could do with more vainly remembering my past. Nothing like trying on the monarch's garments of brand-worship in the mirror, eh?
Hrmm… it seems your browser isn't able to view Leon's tweets. Please switch to one of these supported browsers:
– The Official Leon App For Desktop
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– The one from your dream last night, on that wrinkled, aged phone
– curl | bash
"Time to check on humanity… Heh! Another day of fear, misery, disappointment and gloom! Just the way I lik– what? One of them is actually feeling… hope?" *cranks monitor knobs* "And they're hot?? This is… I just… Is this it, universe?! Is this how you finally backstab me?!"
Honestly I'm pretty genuinely upset that they started with the premise of "Pokémon gyms are soccer stadiums" and instead of thinking of a thematic mechanic for it like 3v3 or 6v6 battles, which they dabbled with previously, they instead mentally shortcutted to "a really big 1v1".
Time for another videogame tweet. The word "Dynamax" absolutely sucks, but it's also the absolutely most British word they could've invented for it, so I'm generously giving it 2/10.
Time for a videogame tweet. People giggling that Joker from Persona's B-button attack in Smash is simply called "Gun" are going to be insufferable when the Dragon Quest 1 protag is added and his B move is just "HURT".
"Confronting climate collapse and human extinction requires a complete mental rebuilding of what it means to be human–" *camera zooms to reveal the audience has moved to a neighbouring, richer lecture*
"Sentient AI requires a complete mental rebuilding of what it means to be huma
"Is that all, mortals? You say you're fighting for "love"? "Friendship"? Hah! That's pure hedonism! "Love" is just another dopamine hit, like candy and videogames! You're just kids who want chocolate for dinner! Ah, but all you'll get from me… is the blackest coffee of reality."
Busily researching which necromantic curses are necessary to ensure that whenever some settlement elder in 2150 loftily declares that the destruction of 99% of Earth's arable land was caused by "the basic human greed within all of us" that their pants will inexplicably fall down
400ppm brain: Defeatist climate journalism is designed to damage momentum for climate activism
0.004ppm brain: Defeatist climate journalism is designed to seed support for future messianic private geoengineering projects that on closer inspection are actually just marine fracking
The occasional breaks from the 2D walkaround plane - brief first-person or third-person segments - lend even greater visual inconsistency to each room than what RPG Maker made possible… new vistas of incongruence being carved out as we speak.
The fact of this being a 2D "RPG Maker game" but with the graphical affordances of Unity really gives it a look of its own - disconnected graphics parallax-sliding around, smooth camera easing, everything floating in the mind's eye's vitreous gel rather than flat on the screen.
New emergency rule instated by Netrunner tournament organisers inflicting a penalty of 1 tag or 1 bad publicity every time a player calls credits "rupees"
"I'm different. I think out-of-the-box solutions are possible. For instance, if the computer simulation theory of the universe is true, then it should be possible to "hack" the universe such that carbon dioxide becomes lighter than oxygen, and it all floats away into space."
"I'm not saying," *snorts onto podium mic* "I'm not saying I'm opposed to heliocentrism. I'm not opposed to any "ism". What I am saying is that if we open ourselves up to heliocentrism skepticism, we open ourselves up to the possibility of resources to exploit from solar mining."
