Leon's Microblog – July 2019

FLAMEZOOKA – $15,000 The coolest weapon ever invented. You currently have NEGATIVE 5 FLAMEZOOKAS. >buy You currently have NEGATIVE 4 FLAMEZOOKAS. >buy You currently have NEGATIVE 3 FLAMEZOOKAS. >buy You curren
Thanks to your connections, you've got a Tier 3 Dark Real Estate apartment: a 3' by 9' cavity between two clandestinely rented-out maintenance closets behind an actual apartment which is itself being squatted. Rent is low, but the one accepted cryptocurrency changes by the month.
Instantly destroying the lich using its one weakness, a forum post it wrote in 2002 where it said duodecimal and metric time adoption were "absolutely" the biggest changes civilisation needed over the next century
Dogs trying to teach themselves how to spindash by just rolling on their sides really quickly, baffled that they keep moving forward instead of epically peeling out
Six months after finally abdicating humanity and becoming a faerie in what's left of the public nature reserve, you've finally mastered flying in a straight line until you find a flower springy enough that when you land too fast, your ankles only get slightly obliterated.
Some replies I've received appear to be wondering why I'd consider it disrespectful to depict road fatalities unnecessarily and flippantly. I'll simply say it's just an opinion of mine and leave it at that.
Birds' nests are a kludge. Yes, I'm saying it.
It's not interesting and it's not very respectful of your audience!!!
Look, I try not to be a grump, but I have to let this loose: I'm pissed off that recent isekais have adopted "dying and reincarnating in a fantasy world" as their opening plot device, thus forcing me to put up with seeing a handwaved fatal road accident in the first few pages.
"Ahaha! You really got me with that trapdoor-over-spikes gag, didn't you? However, I shall simply instruct my blood cells to flow around the spike holes in my arteries, thus rendering your little jape harml– no, you fools, AROUND! Quick, flow back up the spikes! UP!"
Montage of kindergarteners' faces shattering as they're told that the tech companies have invented the Supershift key and added the supercapital forms of all the alphabet letters to Unicode, which they'll now have to learn all over again.
"Fret not, mortal," *flicks page of the Book Of Your Life* "this is just the Dark Chapter you're in. It will soon pass, as will the Darker Chapter, the Darkerer Chapterer, the Darkererer Chaptererer–" *starts flicking through pages with increasing frenzy*
There are a scant few RPGs, including EarthBound, that have debug menus with mostly-functional chapter-select options, and it's such a relief being able to just flip through the game like one would flip through a book or movie.
Having invincibility codes and rewind on tap for most emulatable games is well and good, but what lots of them really, really need are out-of-the-box chapter-select codes. Especially RPGs, in spite of their need to synchronise story progress to loose stat and inventory growth.
I'm pleased to announce that after over a decade of having Yume Nikki, I've finally arbitrarily stumbled upon the room where, if you talk to the wall over 16 times, it ends the dream.
Taking seven meat damage, only to reveal to the corp player that my grip was full of Wound cards from Slay The Spire, thus causing the damage to heal me instead
The on-off switches are the jQuery of Mario Maker 2, to the point that people are now starting to grumble about how often it's being used to implement even the most trivial designs.
Millions of dollars in detective work to find the first webcomic artist to do the "narrated flashback shown with stylised still drawings, but then it zooms out and the narrator is holding up the drawings in real life" and give them the literature awards they rightfully deserve
Lv. 1 speedrunning: Finding time-saving glitches in the game Lv. 12 speedrunning: Finding the game
Bees' sole belief about Heaven is that all the comb cells are perfect circles, yet, by divine will, still perfectly tessellate.
A creature shaped like the sun. No, not a circle, that's just the visible spectrum – I mean what the sun really looks like
"Why should you care whether the next generation is humans or hot anthro cactus hunks? You're going to die someday either way. We can breathe carbon and are stacked enough to withstand hurricanes, but we're still just people." *continues flexing for the fifth hour in a row*
"You'd think, from humanity's long history of folktales, that a lot more widowed lovers would come here, to the Chasm Over The Afterlife, to have a final reunion. Nope. Nothing but detectives and mobsters trying to solve murders or grill dead underlings for account passwords."
"That's the funny part – after all the animals were dead, they made zoos for themselves! They discovered they had made themselves endangered, and had no choice but to build their own grim climate-controlled enclosures to put themselves in, to slowly wait for the inevitable."
"Hey… just a tip! Give up tryin' to find the treasure! Just turn into a pile of bones, like me! I just lie in this spike pit and yell at people, and I love it! …Hey, did you walk away while I was giving you my sagacious wisdom?! It's too dark in here! You better still be here!"
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