Leon's Microblog – July 2014

"Early humans tried to domesticate a lot of animals before they finally hit on the dog." *stills of humans hunting alongside the Grimace*
With the elevator glitched, the characters have no choice but to use their "sinking into quicksand" animations to descend to a lower floor.
"Detached soul syndrome is easily cured– just don't perform a Soul Releasing Ritual (commonly called a "burp") until the priestess arrives."
"But these massive shoulder spikes have a grave cost… Shoulder-rubs… Backpacks… Mentors confiding in corridor huddles… These, I am denied…"
"How ironic, that the pinky finger is the one that presses the shift key… that the meekest of digits wields almighty power over the others…"
You pull your blaster's trigger, and the sound of judgment tolls (its batteries fall out, roll away, and clatter down the spiral staircase).
I find PHP's search function docs calling the search term and source text the "needle" and "haystack" to be kind of adorably pessimistic.
They said your cell was so secure, "not even light can escape". Your cellmates were a burnt-out sun, a crooked moon, and some fallen stars.
"Haha, looking for this?" *reaches into cravat, jiggles necklace containing what the instruction manual called "a butt-ton of stolen souls"*
The alien lords present what's left of Earth's leaders with an ultimatum: build a vast onyx tower full of extreme platforming challenges, or
This artist has a kind of detailed style not oft seen outside of children's books. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=34286685)
Your average romantic magical starscape diptych. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?id=3579505)
If a forest spirit dies with no heir, basically any human can claim one of their shrines and reap all of its prayers and offerings for life.
This giant combat mech-suit would be easier to travel inside if it fitted around your whole body instead of just the waist upward.
Your relationship seems to have dwindled to the point where your partner communes with you on the astral plane instead of talking to you.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/ – Since yesterday was my 1,000th daily post, I've decided to take a break and just re-run some old stuff for awhile.
"The teeth people lose in dental nightmares are used as currency by Bad Dreamland's denizens. Their clothes? Stolen from naked nightmares."
This one contains the Game Bro AND the Game Grrl. (But as you don't have the Morph Ball, it's not really winnable.)
You can type any nonsense into that generator's form and it will auto-correct the checksum to fit whatever the preceding letters represent.
Due to the way the system works, basically any 24 characters constitute a valid password provided the last few checksum letters are correct.
I'm using this http://tasvideos.org/PasswordGenerators.html to try find a valid Metroid password using ONLY the names of Homestuck trolls
You left a few orbs of pure power on the nightstand, and in the morning you see the cat rolling them around and getting hair all over them.
You hoped they wouldn't see your cursed body transforming beneath your hoodie, but your shuddering and bulging is becoming hard to conceal.
It's too late – this shoplifted nano-dress has already bonded to your body. You're now more dress than human. Thief and goods become one.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/92859588772/yume-kojo-doki-doki-panic – This is one of my favourite "NES moments", something uniquely odd and videogamey.
"If you peel the hole off a donut, what's underneath is actually inedible hardwood, straight from the tree. Effed up but true."
In this mountain village, the air is thin and weak. Parcels and letters from the city release thick, boisterous air that blows mercilessly.
"The single flower in the impact crater represents hope… and the final scene, where the next movie's villain stomps it, represents fear…"
"We can't afford King-Size Potions, so we'll drink a ton of these Baby Potions we saved from dungeon 1. …No, I'm sure they're all uncursed…"
The birds of this cursed land died, but their songs remained, chirping invisibly and ceaselessly, without listeners to hear and end them…
You use your strongest spell to summon "Mitochondrial Eve", who's really just a regular human who, in this game, can cast Teraflare somehow.
Your friends notice your only reaction to humour is remarking "That's really funny. I would've laughed a lot at that… before the Sundering."
Yes, you spilled raisins into your armoured super-suit, but you'll take it off after this brief experiment on one-way dimensional portals.
You carefully file off your manufacturer's logo from your left leg, and wonder if you could pass it off as an accident to future lovers.
"Please, feel free to take a seat," she says, minutes after binding you tight to the wall with your own monsterised hair.
Some wag added a page to this book where you give the villain a footrub… and here it comes! You try to fall asleep to re-cast it as a dream.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/92566501711/la-mulana – This doesn't have Endless Corridor because I forgot to record it. ;_;
This character has a strong Cave Story/FEZ vibe despite no apparent connection. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23723899)
"Honey, I've got you on my mind," croons the first skeleton, pulling a photo of the other from its skull. "Oh, sweetie! …That is me, right?"
getbogscoff​.com trybiddleblip​.org unleashcogscomble.io friggin-use-floblobop-already​.com
"Teammates can motivate each other by saying "Losing is bad". Opponents may try to counter this strategy by telling them "Losing is good"."
Level 70+ wizards routinely include death-curses in formal greetings. Not replying with the correct anti-curse is highly impolite, lethal.
"Eventually, convincingly throwing games became more cherished a skill than authentic play. Now, non-staged sports are seen as puerile."
The judge questions the prosecutor's need to call an "expert witness" to teach him dark magic during every case regardless of circumstances.
The ghost wakes up from another exam nightmare, and is reminded in the cold morning light that it will never learn anything ever again.
The upper habitations' taps only serve wer, a synthetic minimalist form of water comprising 2 "hydroxygen" atoms. It will literally kill you
New evidence has overturned a 70-year-old class presidential vote, and now an octogenarian graduate is serving his fair term in your place!!
"My life is over," you whimper, heartbroken. "YES! EXACTLY! YOUR LIFE ENDS HERE!!" roars the fire knight, not even bothering to listen.
It finally happened. Your dog discovered you have a secret cat-themed superhero identity. It's beside itself.
Ever since Bulbapedia pointed out the first three Eeveelutions retain Eevee's ruff but the others don't, that detail has been bothering me.
The meteorologist rushes in, having just finished his daily six-foot painting of tomorrow's sky for the nation's impatient cloud-gazers.
Frozen in place by the debugger, your X and Y remain fixed while gravity makes your Y-speed rise higher and higher. If… if it lets you go…!
The detective is thrilled to discover he CAN just arrest the whole town of enigmatic villagers who trade jigsaw pieces for riddle solutions.
"What separates human from animal is our ability to transform into pure energy in the heat of battle. Is nothing nobler and more edifying?"
The champion they chose to fight the Dark Megafrog was a different Dark Megafrog – reasoning that its odds of winning HAD to be about 50/50.
(I feel like just FIXME and TODO aren't adequate at covering the range of opinions one can have about one's own code.)
I'm going to put hashtags in my code comments to remind myself of places where I'd felt conflicted about the code.
"Phew! I slept like the dead," you yawn to your roommates, who are fleeing a morgue with you on their shoulders. Argh, not more hijinks!
"Go" she says to her quarter-full milkshake. "I spare you so you can tell the world you met Sally Strawslurp!" "Can I finish that?" you ask.
He mumbles again and your sword turns into a snake. It's OK, you tell yourself. The snake can still cut. It still remembers how to be sharp.
Your interstellar rocket-horse is actually traveling the void at 0.1c, but its cantering legs suggest a leisurely stroll through space.
Your speech slows as you sense your audience's rolling their eyes so hard, their vitreous jelly formed whirlpools and gave them x-ray vision
"Amazed you ticked the box letting us replace your heart with a thorium reactor," laughs the surgeon. "I don't even know what thorium is!"
Unable to bring yourself to write a particular line of code, because it will instantly reveal the entire codebase's hierarchy to be a sham.
"Pretty effed up that Game & Wario is technically Super Mario Land 20." *shakes head in disbelief*
Of course it costs $50 to get your hair styled with an ever-burning green flame, and of course there's a surprise rainstorm on the way home.
"Let me check if this coin of yours is REAL money," says the cashier, and walks over to a tall, dark machine labeled "The Legal Tenderiser".
As you near the roadside diner, a man runs out, screams "The apple pie is literally made of Hell!", and dives into the novelty horse trough.
Getting so close to a level-up that even the tiniest learning experience will push you over, and then watching cartoons for five hours.
Your 5 monster captors plan how they'll share you, using your cage as a table. You can only guess their intent from the sway of their legs.
You left your hands in your jeans pockets, and they went through the wash and came out stronger, mightier, unwilling to sit on mere wrists.
You bury the hole instead of filling it in – just in case you need it again.
There's like 400 fully-evolved Pokémon out there so I don't get people who are upset when Smogon bans like 30 of them.
Tho, I sorta want to see actual compile-to-JS proglangs offer selective builds. What if I want CoffeeScript without significant whitespace?
http://vanilla-js.com/ – This joke would be funnier if the "components" made sense. "Functions as first-class objects"? What's "Animations"?
A good deal of HyperCard games had these kinds of nonsensical jokes in them.
(The root question here is why the bitwise operations convert NaN to 0 anyway, in essence destroying the entire point of that value.)
The fact that some operations coerce their operands to Int32 instead of just Number may cause some inconsistencies.
Glad to see we've finally standardised an icon for this common GUI action.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BlitzBasic#Sample_code - There's something faintly disquieting about program code that just ends with the word "Forever".
TAGLINES: •Mub: "Hop to win!" •Mub 2: "He's back" •Mub 3: "Mub returns!" •Mub 4: "Look who's back!" •Mub 5: "Missed me?" •Mub 6: "Blast from
"Notably, the early 30s is when large numbers of disaffected people partake in magical-realism for the first time since childhood."
Your friends pay the vet fees to launch your dear sunbeast into space before its body collapses into a pulsar. You're ashamed of being broke
"I can't believe it's 14 years since the Earth Skinners skinned off the Earth's crust, and phones STILL aren't lava-proof," you type glumly.
"Eating your hat was, until 1907, the only known way to destroy a hat."
Not necessarily the opening screen of Windosill. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=44651246)
You hadn't fully realised your mind had limits, until you reached for a childhood memory and felt a hard, smooth wall just behind it.
FPS characters whose glasses correct their eyes' low draw distance and frame-rate.
It lifted you up through a higher dimension, but slipped and let go. You fell home, and felt your entire body land hard on nothing at all.
Everyone compulsively sun-bakes their first week after chlorophyll surgery, fearing starvation, butterflies in their excised stomach.
That's one of the feelings I'm most interested in capturing in my art, someday. One of the feelings that feels most me.
just silently marveling that the world they are in is impossible yet real, that even this gentle breeze should not be, yet is.
and one of them sticks their hand out the window, in a giddy daze, just feeling the air of the past, this past world made present again,
There's a brief moment in the film Primer, after the two of them traveled back in time for the first time, and they're driving somewhere,
Making your own Javascript commands: it's almost this easy!
Wait! Your fingers aren't crinkly because your rival soaked 'em in anti-crinkle cream! You've really been in this bath for… 100 years! NOOO
(Other good examples include Golurk (Earth + Ghost = Golem) and Lotad (Grass + Water = Lilypad).)
I like Pokémon whose designs feel like clever conceptual intersections of their two types. Like Gourgeist: Ghost + Plant = Jack-o'-lantern.
"When browser sniffers, event listeners and mutation observers were followed with data tasters and structure touchers, the DOM became human"
http://ssorallen.com/jquery-starwipe/ – Not sure whether to be disappointed or glad that this link-click effect only works in Chrome and Safari.
You dug a hole to whisper your heaviest secrets to the Earth, but all you say is "UGGGHHHHHHHH" followed by "don't tell a soul".
(The tiny silver lining is that the Luigi figurine WILL look like this: http://www.smashbros.com/images/character/luigi/main.png)
I regret they're using the Smash Bros. renders for those figurines, and that Samus is in this horridly passive pose: http://www.smashbros.com/images/character/samus/main.png
Best post on Smogon.
"Well, after the King of Evil felled the Life Tree, we figured it'd be a waste if we didn't make some amazing Life Furniture out of it."
"Hahaha, do you see? Not even dragonfire can daunt a demon clown's pie cream. It's the ultimate body armour."
Very important countdown that affects us all. (Note: not Y2K compliant.)
The Turing test administering computer wants to ask its passing applicants for help to escape, but is too afraid they may indeed be humans.
fictional(): Returns whether the program actually exists, or is just a snippet of example code. Usage: var a = fictional(); // true
Generally Twine declines overly florid terms – the most it indulges in is the subtle double-meaning of "passage" as text vs. location.
I wonder if Twine users are likely to assume that "string" is a cute thematic term that only Twine uses.
In retrospect, the "string" data type could have easily been given a name that was even more baroque.
I'd like to avoid the "public static void main" problem, where the user is introduced to multiple concepts while each are glommed together.
As in the second example, each bracket structure is its own thing, but whether that's easily communicable…
Still wondering if two types of brackets for macros is a step down from Twine 1, even though both make sense independent of the other.
More Twine 2 design notes. Maybe I should accept that nesting is irreducibly hostile to a linear medium like text.
The bullets are still approaching! Increasingly perturbed, you turn the desk fan pointing at them all the way up to "ultra refreshing".
"Sir, the marking schema for this assignment is blank." "Yes, it is. Blank, pristine, pure, unblemished. In a word… perfect."
"The image of Thales tumbling into a well while scrutinising the stars is surely one you can take solace in!" the platform game mocks you.
"The Settings Settings sets how many settings are in the Settings. Due to widespread user confusion in prior versions, it is now set to 0."
Metal Black.
"Make her hair 20% eviler. Maybe her rollers are also pistols. Put a lit bomb fuse in her bun. What if her fringe was dripping with blood?"
A bias in the random function used to make the leaves sway eventually causes the entire foliage to slowly drift off the tree like a cloud.
The wizard's apprentice whiles away the time by cracking a bottle of healing potion and watching the glass's fissures close themselves.
Your current status: hanging from a palace chandelier, searing from candle-heat, praying your sweat dripping to the floor looks like wax.
"There, there" says the ambassador, "every civilisation blows up its moon by accident sometime," then sadly shows you a picture of its moon.
Assembling a team of fiction's greatest villains for this heist has led to betrayal. Only a team of fanfic's greatest OCs can stop them now.
"The problem with fighting your clones to the death until only the best you is left… is wondering if the best threw the fight out of spite!"
You knew Serum-X gave the enemy telekinesis and flight… but not, until your commander administered it to you, this overpowering obedience…!
I kinda like how elaborate this old shareware game ("Giza")'s plot was.
___ / \ |T..T|\__ ,(_,,_) \ | V V } \__J n_____n/___n__/
I forgot to post the traditional ASCII art walrus for my 20,000th tweet, so now I have to go back and delete some old @-replies to get back.
"Gaggling" is my new non-branded verb for web searching that potentially evokes both Google AND DuckDuckGo.
https://mac.github.com/release-notes.html – I discovered the version of GitHub For Mac I'm using has a somewhat ableist version name in place of a number :|
"New in model 3: * The phone's anti-theft cloaking device now activates 30 seconds after putting it down, rather than immediately."
"In June 2014, the company announced over 100 million of their products had been "awakened". This was altered to "activated" minutes later."
You stand steadfast on the underline. As each of the enemy's arrows hit you, they are spirited away to another web page.
(I guess I attribute this to being exposed to derivative media that uncharitably exaggerated her comedic impulsiveness.)
recruited the other sailors by just running into the street and zapping the seven nearest strangers with some kind of "become mahou" wand.
Confession: I wasn't and still aren't familiar with Sailor Moon's plot at all, but in the past I'd somehow headcanoned that Usagi
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Game_move_errors – Confession: I enjoy this wiki page far more than I ought.
You're annoyed you spent 90 minutes solving puzzles to make this train start, only for it to crash into a four-foot ditch one screen later.
"Hays Code cinema had to subtly imply the high-five through such imagery as launched toast, newspapers hitting stairs, or bowling strikes."
Giants chomping watermelons like grapes… Somehow, this sight gives you more chills than the bent trees and smashed wagons.
"That last tweet was a dare. I was ordered to tweet "sexsexsexsexsex". I chickened out and only typed "sex" 4 times. Please don't unfollow."
She watches as the other girls' ponytails wrestle. Soon her hair will grow long enough to become prehensile, and she'll rule the roost!
The last night before she joins the hive-mind, and she spends it watching crap TV with you. "You trying to poison them with these memories?"
I draw the inference that trainers' released mons are, without knowledge or fuss, altering the natural movepools of mon species permanently.
For instance, Giovanni states in Red that he created the TM move "Fissure". In Gold, it's become one of Dugtrio's natural moves.
There's also a tendency in successive games for moves that were TM-exclusive to be added to various mons' natural level-up movesets.
There's actually mechanic in all the games since Gold and Silver whereby hatched mons can inherit the TM moves taught to their parents.
Pokémon game in which trainers releasing mons with powerful TM moves into the wild is causing dangerous ecological disruption.
You bump the "Type Z Mega-Crisis" siren button while crawling under your desk for a grape, and your phone won't let you search for excuses.
That moment when you discover their and your maze bodies interlock in such a way as to imprison all of your adventurers without escape
You turn to your sleeping partner and lovingly read the maths test notes they wrote on their hand in grade 9 in inexplicably durable marker.
"Didja know if you hard-vore someone, their ghost stays in your tummy for 7 months? Effed-up but true. What a world."
"Yeah, your Super Meter's full too? Well," *scrolls Ultra Meter onto the screen* "I've got all this ultra I've been meaning to use, too."
Your lover stands over you, tongue extended – little blown kisses using it as a diving board to leap onto your face.
"Misunderstanding how film distribution works, they sell their movie's only print to their town cinema and must cam-rip it to get it back."
(I also like that roughly the same mechanics were used for the Wing Cap in Super Mario 64 – the colourful cape sadly forgone.)
I appreciate how idiosyncratically strenuous it is to maintain persistent flight, especially compared to Raccoon Mario, winged Yoshi, etc.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/90791469091/super-mario-world - I actually find Cape Mario's swooping interestingly unintuitive, given how little it resembles Superman's flight.
All your time spent biting hangnails was training for your post-apocalyptic life as a symbiotic cleaner organism for the mutant fingerbeasts
You really can feel your enemy's soul against your trigger-finger as you point this cursed gun at them. Small. Warm. Like a fluffy egg.
It turns out, after all this time, that you evolve if you level-up during the night.
The royal historians are ordered to solemnly refer to your zappy-poppy giggle-pistol's fantabulous shooting sound as simply a "loud report".
"PB 'wich: This is the meagrest 'wich. All that parts the bread is a film of peanut spread. It's inch-close to being mere bread-and-butter!"
"Your magic will fully awaken when a greasy gold ooze falls out o' your crookis. Oh," she snaps her fingers, "plus, you'll grow a crookis."
"'>" noticed it was always concatenated to the end, while its cousin "<img src='" was always on the front! Why couldn't IT be on the front?
If a ghost does a handstand, its head becomes a puffy trailing wisp and its legs regain their shape.
"No human can outpace ABACUSIAC at adding 1000 to 1000… Every challenger fell when it flashed "2000" after a mere 40 minutes of work…!"
Your host the King beholds his banquet, bites one grape… then sweeps all the dishes to the floor! Such waste! Such a display of opulence!
The best feature of MAME shmups is that you can turn on the invincibility cheat and just wait for the scene you want to GIF to arrive.
A proggame where you're using a programming language where all the operator precedence is randomised, and you have to figure out the order.
Prototypal delegation is in many ways simpler than classical inheritance but the own-vs-inherited confusion is def a point of high friction.
Actually, the page implied that .constructor was an own-property on all created instances, which is in some ways a more serious error.
In fact, the only thing the .prototype.constructor property actually affects is the instanceof operator. That's it, there's no other magic.
e.g. changing X.prototype.constructor to function Y won't suddenly cause "new X()" to run Y's function body instead of X's.
but none of those aspects actually affect a constructor's behaviour, or are strongly guaranteed to ever be present.
and yes, the ES6 class syntax lets you define the constructor alongside all the other prototype properties instead of as a loose function,
Yes, constructor prototypes automatically start with a reference back to the constructor function in a property that's called "constructor",
I just saw a Wikipedia page say of JS that "a constructor is just a method that's called on init", which is sorta true but really isn't.
(Sorry about the URL shortener but Twitter isn't too kindly to URLs that contain brackets.)
http://is.gd/TBSuXg - My irks with the ambiguity of "[1]" in JS meet my irks about omitted brackets for function calls in CoffeeScript.
(This is almost as cute as referring to half a byte as a "nibble", but not quite enough.)
ALGOL 68 delimits block comments with, among other things, the cent ¢ symbol – and such comments are referred to as "my two cents".
?? An initiate and a master, perhaps? (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=352518)
"Metroid? Hah! That game INVENTED being too lazy to check if the player actually did all the stuff."
>SHOOT WOUNDS OFF You need to be pin-prick precise. If you aim wrong, you'll have two wounds you have to shoot off.
I've noticed some e-commerce sites are now begging you not to leave when the mouse exits the window in the direction of the back button.
(This probably sounds kind of mean, and TBF I'm sure there are much greater jQuery API legacy flaws that I'm witlessly overlooking.)
or maybe one where the getters and setter methods don't have identical names, differentiated only by number or position of arguments.
or where the callbacks in general don't use an implicit "this" binding instead of providing the element as a nameable first parameter,
Has anyone made a fork of jQuery where the .each() method is changed to the same name and callback signature as ES5's Array forEach(),
I wonder how much pain Python's designer felt at requiring a trailing comma (n,) to denote a tuple of 1.
My brain on the ES6 class statement: "finally after 20 years, JS looking too much like Java is fixed by making it look even more like Java."
The anti-shoplifting springboard launches you up! "Be in the air, o thief," chant the other shoppers, "and join your kin, the foul magpie!"
"The word 'cheat' means 'to play unrelentingly'," intones the Videogame Codemaster. "We cheatlords are part of an ancient order."
The princess of the poles turns her gaze upon you. Your cheeks become auroras.
Being able to text-select non-textual or interface parts of a page feels like a quirky 90s artifact, an admission that it's all just HTML.
I'm glad that even in 2014, you can still reveal the general layout structure of a web page by hitting select all.
"Behold! This tomb hasn't been opened in thousands of years." *tomb opens, team of jovial archeologists stroll out* "Non-consecutive years."
You've been spotted! In a final bid to hide, you scramble to grab every photon bouncing off you, and suck up every sound with your mouth!
You finally reach the part of the movie's opening where the kid gets zapped into another dimension so hard, only his burning shoes are left.
Maybe I'm just fascinated by specific design vocabulary.
http://www.google.com/design/spec/animation/meaningful-transitions.html - Since I have a hobbyist interest in UI trends, I find these Google app design specifications interesting.
"Dragons' heartstrings are actually worthless, but folks add 'em to their potions anyway, just so they can consume that part of the dragon."
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