Leon's Microblog – August 2014

http://biblehub.com/isaiah/34-11.htm – This verse has different figurative animals in it in almost every translation. It's like Pokémon game versions.
After the last councilor fled, the highest ranking official was the town's sole traffic light. Its only edict: stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
A centuries-old source code repository whose commit messages gradually transition from one language to another.
You tweeted a joke about your partner suddenly turning incredibly evil, and their fav's notification is wreathed in animated purple flames.
"After a decade on my 99% optimised waste-free diet, I have passed stool just seven times – and each was on January 31st at precisely 9 PM!"
https://archive.org/stream/cyclops04nort/cyclops04nort#page/n37/mode/1up – Do college yearbooks still have long fictional accounts of all the graduates' incredibly successful future lives?
https://www.flickr.com/photos/internetarchivebookimages/14756495946 – Soccer team called "the Alameda Vampires".
https://archive.org/stream/dieheilgymnastik00jent/dieheilgymnastik00jent#page/48/mode/1up – This 1890s gynecological physiotherapy textbook's oddly gender-neutral diagrams are kinda fascinating.
Too tired to remove your power armour, you just switch your full-body energy shield to "soft" and sink into bed next to your partner.
that the expression "function f(){...}" suddenly becomes a weird variable declaration just because it touches the left side of the screen.
Anyway, the real problem with function statements is that they exist at all,
(Function statements in strict mode blocks do hoist, but to remain consistent with top-level FSs, which, as said, ES5 strict mode allowed.)
(Note: when I said "like" let statements, I didn't mean to imply that let has block-scoped hoisting - "x = 2; let x;" is a syntax error.)
(FWIW, the ES6 class statement does not hoist, because it must evaluate the "extends" expression - "class A extends a.b[0].c {..}" etc.)
(So, it focused on simply changing things that posed obvious security risks, like arguments.caller, or "this" being window by default.)
(There was a not-entirely-unfounded fear that if strict mode changed too much semantics, it would've been flat-out ignored by most devs.)
(Strict mode could have possibly forbidden function hoisting altogether, but presumably they felt the "upgrade tax" would've been too high.)
(Function hoisting is actually a unique phenomenon in JS: unlike the var statement, the "value" is hoisted as well as the name.)
This is the result: they are hoisted, but hoist only within their blocks, and hoist consistently in each "level".
Strict mode in ES6 permits them again, and makes them behave like let statements - they stay in their blocks, and aren't available outside.
This is outside strict mode, of course. Strict mode in ES5 made it invalid to put function statements in blocks, to preclude this nonsense.
In the Netscape/Firefox semantics, only function statements at the top level are hoisted, and those inside blocks act like reassignments.
In the IE/Chrome semantics, every function within the scope is hoisted, regardless of location – not too useful, but easy to understand.
JS has had two competing semantics for function statements inside blocks. IE/Chrome (left), and Netscape/Firefox.
Lover's Cliff collapsed in a mudslide, forcing the town's teens to relegate to an already overcrowded Off-Duty Coworkers' Grotto.
Considering you S-ranked the hairdryer minigame and energised your follicles, you think you'd get better powers than telekinesis and flight.
"I fed all the robot hippos… Door's open… Wait, this isn't the exit… Is this… a giant robot hippo?? AGH I HATE THIS PLAC-" – camera 9 sings.
"This room's just full of disintegrators… There's no puzzle… No exit… Gotta be a way out… Here goes… GYAAA-" – lilting music from camera 7.
They strip you down, then dress you in your pyjamas inside-out to amplify their tickles instead of dampening them.
At last you visit the planetoid consumed by ReplicaBots manufacturing the toy you designed. Every inch of the world was shaped by your hand.
Mimicking the eponymous serpent, the lithe, flat double-underscores for internal meta-values are Python's most important feature.
It's a little funny how, prior to ES6, the only obvious Python influence in Javascript is the name "__proto__".
"It takes 60 years of news-reading before you earn a TV news CG intro where the camera zooms into your winking eye to reveal the Earth."
"'Dog' originally meant any animal. Hence, "sea dog" (shark), "garden dog" (snail), "leg dog" (leech), "rhinoceros dog" (grooming bird)."
Her first act as queen was to promote all female nobles to the lowest noble rank that didn't end in "-ess" – which, of course, was "queen".
Asking God what the fruit's name was, God replied that names are just abstract tokens – when He meant 🍌, he expressed 🍌. This was unhelpful.
"You can begin with the novice Exercise of Bravery: enter the temple garden and stand naked before the world's most judgmental statue."
You just woke up, and you've already learned something new: fairy wings and morning bed sweat do not smell pleasant together.
"Some animals live their whole lives never really understanding what nightmares are."
"First, enter the circle and arrange all of your bones to face true north."
"Betting Earth's sovereignty in a poker game against a being that perceives all moments at once was the only blot on his 1st and only term."
"New Chrome dev tools let you edit the JS directly on the developer's computer, backward in time, to prevent the bugs from ever appearing."
"Sure, having a tamed serpent coiled around your nude, hovering body is a power level boost, but it doesn't stack unless you have 6 or 7."
"Ah, quaint, clunky phones. In my future, we found and imprisoned the God Apollo and make him transmit every human's thoughts. Hands-free!"
What if you could do Object.defineProperty(Function.prototype, "prototype", { value: {}, writable: false }), and wreck every constructor?
Sometimes I imagine ways in which JS could have been worse. What if, given a={}, a.b.c=2 didn't throw an error, but assigned {c:2} to a.b ?
"Good thing eating a banana is always an appropriate action, no matter how dangerous or fantastic the situation," she thought as she peeled.
"There are no "prisoners" here. Our door is open, but a shade narrow. All those secrets you're holding… just won't fit through, I'm afraid!"
"On this diagram of the female reproductive system, mark: Humphrey's arch, Roger's dome, Gerald's vestibule, Lester's atrium, Peter's vault,
Newly-arrived aliens becoming increasingly worried that this "bus stop" thing could actually be the basest, most obvious prank imaginable.
"When a peer begs you for your advice, your first thought MUST be: do I have anything – anything at all! – that can exert financial leverage
"At first, the ritual seems to have done nothing. Then, a loud yawning noise booms from every cave on the planet."
This bold hero's only swinging to freedom with you in her arms so the Resistance can dissect your psychic brain, but you're enchanted still.
Autocorrect is aggressively "correcting" your response to this captcha as soon as you finish typing it… This is two-on-one bullying…
Well, the front steps are slanted, and windows are back-to-front so the rain appears inside instead of outside, but the rent can't be beat!
You see the town's main sight: a flying buttress supporting nothing because the church's construction sponsor converted to an opposing sect.
At the compere's word, the man slices the elevator's cord. Inside, the card-house, Jenga tower and wineglass pyramid slowly drift upward.
Stockbrokers spilling down the beach and into the sea, shouting "dry land was a mistake!", finned tails erupting from their pinstripe pants,
"Can't believe everyone misremembers Gandalf's line as "Fly, you fools!", when in the movie he just shouts "Fools!" at them for 30 seconds."
One thing I like about the game is how it boldly takes it as given that tall structures can sink into thin layers of slime without a trace.
12 years after Super Mario Sunshine's release and I still don't quite understand why Shadow Mario's signature tag was an M with an umlaut.
I'm specifically thinking of two in Oracle of Seasons, but it feels like a recurring personality for ghosts in many of their 00's games.
My favourite Nintendo ghosts are the tiny mischievous ones that go "N-no! I don't wanna stop haunting! Don't wanna! Nooo-" before exploding.
Yes, you fulfilled your lifelong dream of driving a robot dinosaur instead of a car – yes, it's "only" a stegosaurus, but you still did it.
"At last, I've found the second-most wanted criminal on the planet." "Most wanted," you correct her. "I shot a bank manager on the way in."
Cucumber Quest prediction: Bacon remains absent for awhile, re-emerges in chapter 5 or 6 as a skyrocketing thespian sensation
Web astronomers have been forced to reinstate __pluto__ as a planet, due to its sheer overuse by textbooks.
Bringing back all the past bosses for the final world's boss rush has only given them their chance to messily make out with each other
Frankly, I'm impressed this website's dismissed pop-up ad was coded to slide back under the screen with such a resentful easing function.
Your four-colour palette has meant that dyeing your hair blonde has given you shining gold eyes. You can't bring this to your cashier job.
You've got defense spells out the wazoo. Anti-Fire, Anti-Ghost, Anti-Status Effects… There'll be odes written about your god-daunting power…
Your rival can shout a "HA!" so scornful that it blows their opponent's clothes off, but yours just pulls their shirts over their heads.
Your only thoughts after finding the magic ring that lets you turn invisible at will are about all the clothes you can secretly wear now.
You and your mechsuit's AI are a team. When you do the killing punch, she uploads herself into the enemy and erotically deletes theirs.
You loudly reply "That is JUST like the Gift of the Magi!" to some unrelated anecdote, and none of the dinner party guests dare correct you.
Well, your hivemind broke up with the one the rest of your family assimilated with, so now you're being moved out of the "emotions" sector.
"I'm 70% water elemental."
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Tri_Attack#By_leveling_up – I like the thought that's gone into deciding which Pokémon can learn Tri Attack.
Then I tried faving again, but at the exact moment I clicked, a new tweet came in, causing the fav link to slide down away from the cursor.
I tried faving a tweet, but the click caused a folded-out tweet above it to close, thus making the fav link slide up away from the cursor.
(Don't worry, folks: if you really need to convert valid standard ES6 number literals from strings to numbers, there's always eval(). >:] )
(As a point of comparison, Number("0x10") returns 16, but Number("010") – that is, using the *old* octal literal syntax – returns 10.)
So, ES6 has new octal and binary literals like 0b1101 and 0o644… but for backwards-compatibility, Number("0o644") must still return NaN.
Manual RTs that cut out seemingly spurious gorilla references from jokes, not grasping their greater meaning in the author's brand narrative
"The arrows were said to be fletched with "the feathers of a goat". Actually, a goat had indeed found and claimed ownership of the feathers,
"A cubic island in the corner of the planet where God dumped the "rejected" biomes (lightning veldt, outdoor cave, grid-of-lions)."
"Does the 3DS come with a stylus, or does the "3D" mean you can reach into the screen and touch the characters' faces with your bare thumbs"
"The word was once an obscure slang for "people who wear spats inside their shoes", and over centuries came to instead mean "all humanity"."
"Today we'll learn the do-while loop, the for-of loop, the when-as loop, the should-are loop, the an-will-had loop and the but-or-each-a-was
These are things your arm was never designed to do, you think as you jam it in a spatial anomaly to tickle a giant amoeba in 3 spots at once
You've become so used to driving that you slipped into a reverie and lived 70 years in a high fantasy realm during the last 3 intersections.
You accidentally put your headphones on wrong-way-around, giving your ears a chance to root through each other's belongings.
"If the opponent has no Suitor cards on their side of the playfield, your active Suitor card may go on a date with the opponent themself."
I do like, though, that the final weapon this night-time dream-themed game gives the player is thematically called a "morning star".
There's no reason why Little Nemo: The Dream Master needs crushing spike ceilings in this many levels, except to be as NESsy as possible.
Next April Fools' plan is to just repost a bunch of my old tweets with the letters sorted in alphabetical order.
"Noooo! We can't have THAT as our battle cry! Everyone who fights is fighting "for the future"! It's totally meaningless!"
"I need a shower… I'm covered in Defense Down status effects." "You know those don't just wash off, right?" "I KNOW."
Another implementation-defined thing is what happens when "$0" is in the replacement of a string's .replace()
Actually, the error message IE 11 gives is kind of hilariously misleading.
In Chrome, [1,4,2].sort({}) is treated as identical to [1,4,2].sort(), whereas it throws in Firefox and IE 11.
There are a few JS things that even the ES6 spec leaves as "implementation-defined". One is passing a non-function to an array's .sort()
You're doing what you do best: being tied to a chair and trying to blow out the fuse of the bomb on your lap, but just fanning it instead.
On the morning bus you check how many other mirror-selves overpowered their originals and took over their lives last night. …Worryingly few.
"I may look like a tiny weak snail, but when a wizard summons me, they get to draw 3 cards! No, I don't get it, but I'm lightning in a can!"
You wish you'd remembered what words mean before unleashing that thunder spell on your increasingly undeterred foes.
https://github.com/kangax/compat-table/issues/199 - I like how uniquely clumsy this particular browser Javascript bug is.
"It turned out the secret to destroying The Unbidden was to deliberately summon it, thus contradicting its entire identity."
"I've had my fists my whole life. They're my most personal weapons! You can't forge a bond this strong with a magic sword, or a golden gun."
Sometimes I try to amuse myself by typing "why is " followed by a Pokémon's name in the search box.
(For the record, using "use strict" will shut down the ability to create vars with eval(), and puts an end to this nonsense.)
Yet another way to not actually get block scope in ES3 Javascript.
Ettin cinema struggled to translate the nuanced "both heads nuzzling up to each other" gestures of self-reflection for its human audience.
"ALL PROGRESS IS AN ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST THE STATUS QUO" in giant letters on the side of the 120-floor skyscraper you work in every day.
Your prospective guardian angel remarks that she's delighted to have found someone who's "really, really vulnerable".
"Due to resignations in upper management, the positions of the Seven Sages AND Four Heavenly Kings are now consolidated in the CTO role."
(And, the fact that modifying primitives' properties does not accomplish anything is also the cause of this: https://twitter.com/webbedspace/status/498340166117769216)
(It's related to this quirk https://twitter.com/akerfoot/status/498939723323158528 where you can modify primitives' properties all you want, even though it does nothing.)
(The answer is that you can't ++ a primitive value, but you CAN ++ a property on an object – even if said "object" is really a primitive.)
I know a lot of Javascript quirks by now but this one stumped me for a good hour or two.
Graffiti buffs getting one last look at ten layers of over-painted wall art before the council covers it with x-ray-glasses-proof paint.
This is absurd, you think as you slide ever faster. A mere laundry chute shouldn't have this many loop-de-loops and ramps over fiery pits!
Two days after moving in, the new homeowners stride into the yard and rename all the trees.
"OK, that last level of abstraction we added didn't blow your socks off. But THIS one will do potentially anything to any of your clothes!"
I mean, it's apparently OK to supply numbers to .replace() or .indexOf(), but when the number is on the left, the language is all tut-tut.
If occurs to me that if they'd REALLY been serious about type-coercion in the 90s, then calling .toUpperCase() on a Number ought to work.
This doesn't really matter at all, but this string/array discrepancy irks my chives and chisels my grits.
"A baseball that breaks property or injures a fan is deemed "delinquent" and shipped to a monastery to redeem itself in God's games."
"Most now believe the President's hand being seared by the Bible was staged by his enemies – that the book's iron cover had been heated."
"In a glum shire, two rivers cross. Their waters pass through each other, never mixing. This aberration of nature is feared by the locals."
You're not a "creature of habit", a "lover of routine", you tell yourself – you just want your days to have a consistent API surface.
You regret having to put aside your lit studies to pursue necromancy, but this is a market that needs skeletons more than sonnets.
Chains of wealthy houses springing into the air as the annual property tax collection shockwave passes through the neighbourhood.
Even with his quest complete, Mario couldn't stop journeying. He just left world 7, and kept going, ever onward. He was never seen again.
What's Mario doing here, you as a child might ask. What goal could be left after restoring the 7 kings in the previous worlds?
Mario 3 fact: if you use the warp whistle to skip ahead to world 8, you do not get to see the cutscene explaining why Mario is in world 8.
"Listen… cough… I put on that cursed mask and transformed into an air hockey hell-demon to hide my shame at losing to you… F-forgive me…"
"In 7 years when a generation starts to pine for the 00's, this federal reserve of reality TV merch will turn our nation into a superpower."
"Uh-oh, the hourglass in my art-deco robot arm is about to run out! Farewell…!" she chants while sarcastically backing out of the room.
A mother bird looking up cuckoos in the library, to provide her bittersweet brood with some knowledge of their own kind.
"In my home, we abide by my rules: comma-first, hoisted vars, and if you name variables in all-lowercase…" *voice trembles* "God help you."
I like that in the 90s there were distinct Macintosh software products named "QuickTime", "Quicken" and "QuarkXPress".
"Tired of moving your sock from foot to foot when one gets cold? Save up and buy 2 socks! Seem like a waste? In 1 year, it pays for itself!"
While Swamp 2's rocket never flew higher than 20 feet, they edited day and night launch footage together so that it appeared to enter space.
The warm wet mark on your cheek isn't drying. In fact, it's slowly spreading to cover the rest of your face.
Your stomach is making modem handshake noises instead of rumbling.
The night-mare gingerly bestrides your chest, notices you're awake and staring at the ceiling at 2AM on a work day, and gingerly dismounts.
The horror on a child's face when the class is 6 verses into a cumulative song and they realise each verse is only getting bigger and bigger
The ancient spell won't rest easy in your mind, unless you furnish it with the tales and literature of its time.
Your view of the parade is blocked by a less interesting parade.
"Be not like the fish with an aeroplane, but the deer who flips and walks on its antlers," croaks the WisdomBot as it devours your 20¢.
Unable to bear that the most powerful object was a crystal the size of a sultana, they wrapped it in tinfoil until it was football-sized.
The AIs built a crystal palace to house their vast minds but when you drive up, it's just 3 feet tall. On your knees, you curse Moore's Law.
"Post-Singularity, Day 97: humanity's pleas to the omniscient AIs to uplift us into demigods have reached "pretty please with sugar on top""
"Her armour is impenetrable: a ballroom dress so thick and billowing that a bullet can fly into it and never find its way out!"
There's only one ocean, and it yearns for its own kind. That's what pulled that other planet crashing into ours: its heartsick tides.
"Videogames once needed manuals to explain their plot. Now, camera angles revealing swirling purple holes in the sky are all that's needed."
You slide into the healing pool and watch your "bones" counter swiftly tick back up from 7 to the maximum of 255.
"It's time to turn up the heat." *pulls off red cellophane shreds from table fan, replaces with blue cellophane shreds*
"1971: First golf drive on the Moon. 2091: First yoga ball race on the Moon. In the intervening years, no events of note occurred."
Object permanence as a NES adventure game powerup
"Actually, over 85% of teens with weird superpowers on the run from government agencies have accepted amnesties in the past."
English nerds celebrate worldwide as King of English finally permits pluralising all words ending in x with "-en" – "I give up," he groaned.
"Many thought all sciences complete once humans gave themselves venomous fangs at last. Indeed, most nations abolished science outright."
"No! Never use 'muttered' twice in a row!! Always follow the 'mutter-murmur-whisper-utter' cycle, in that order!" "Writing is so tricky."
"Amazing tip! Instead of tediously chewing your drinking water, just try swallowing it immediately! Sounds risky, but it really works!"
"Yo, to remember the first letters of the first 6 numbers, try "Old Toads Taste Four Flies Sexily". A cool acrostic from the #AcrosticZone."
"This cursed hourglass determines when I will die. So does this candle. And this abacus. …I got caught in an explosion in a hex factory."
For RPG characters, turn-based combat is something their bodies do – like driving a car – while their minds fixate on the unrelated plot.
I like how the phrase "leaves nothing to the imagination" leaves very little to the imagination.
"If you use the move Mountain Drop 255 times in one file, all subsequent attempts will fail, saying "planet has run out of mountains"."
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