Leon's Microblog – March 2013

After the twentieth minute of charging up this one shot, you get the uncomfortable feeling that it's already stopped increasing in power.
Some search terms you could try on my twitter archive: #IPlayed, Game idea, I like, #EmbarassingSpelunkyDeaths
"I'm sorry, but your twitter feed is just too 10's. It's shameless, like that entire decade is being relived in tweet form."
Due to the planet's higher gravity, all your clothes have quadrupled in size and buried you under them. No, you don't recall how that works.
So you've sat on the big red "destroy world" button. You just have to keep your butt on the button and unplug the machine with your toes.
http://l.j-factor.com/amateur_variety_twitter/ - Updated my public twitter archive, which is a thing I hope to do once a month.
"I'm sick of being so allegorical. If I'm asleep, I'm a sleeping giant! If you're on my shoulders, you're literally on a giant's shoulders!"
A stomping giant whose numerous huge boot-prints have a cartoon of her winking face and her email address on it - "I'm great at stomping!"
A big starduel was fought here… the loud crackle of phaser-static runs through your ship… Clouds of anger and passion left by sparring gods…
Mixing bonus coins and regular currency is a bit of a pain. Should you spend 50¢ and the 3x Multiplier coin, or $1 and the +50 Time coin??
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/46701773967/enough-plumbers - I like the way this game formally ends its tutorial messages.
You hope no one notices you foolishly brought the dress tailored for Mars gravity, not Earth's. You're panting under its sheer bulk!
"Ten of the scientists working on the project resigned and went to live among wild sheep, claiming 'humanity isn't long for this world'."
"Two operators have identical precedence. The compiler decides the order by smashing them together like action figures until one 'wins'."
The merchant refuses to listen as you explain that since melee weapons technically have infinite ammo, you should be able to sell some of it
Your inventory too full to take the pistol ammo, you forcibly memorise a mental image of the area in case you ever need to go back for it.
"I swear if that happens I will lay a brick. I'll study ballistics. I'll paint the roof. I'll go totally humming mute, is what I'm saying."
You stand just far enough that the grasping fingers can only brush you through the bars. Your skin callously shrugs off their longing grips.
"I want this to be 'the feeling of turning your head and your headphone cord unexpectedly strums your bare nipple: the videogame.'"
"Oops! Looks like Susan's tongue has gone above the cone and triggered the Double Meltdown Round!" *hands her a second melting ice cream*
"No, the RuneSwampElf has an 'is-a' relationship to ElfCreatures and a 'has-a' relationship to SwampRunes. Redo the arcane diagram."
Fortunately, there's means to switch between the new and old engines depending on the browser, so this won't be a problem.
OK, the new GM Studio audio engine uses the Web Audio API, which currently only Chrome and Safari support, instead of regular HTML5 Audio.
"Welcome to Terror World - you will die screaming!!" proudly announces laminated printout masking-taped to public toilet door.
"Before you kill me… Look in this mirror." *hands you a photograph* "That's right… You're me… Who's the real villain here? Makes you think…"
Micro-gunsmiths create cell-sized molecular "guns", provision them to body's white blood cells… "Better than vaccination" they boldly claim…
"For the first creatures to evolve on RouletteSphere, the abandoned cybernetic casino mega-satellite, life was literally a gamble."
Possible topics for questions: Game Maker, Twine mods, GM Mac ports, Videogame GIFs, Mario ROM hacks, Twitter, Triad, my browser games…
http://www.formspring.me/webbedspace - If anyone wants to ask me a question about any of the several things I do, here's a limited opportunity.
You luckily escape just before the castle collapses… by tipping over and landing around you. Seems you'll have to do it again, sideways!
"Wait," interrupts the would-be hero, "all of my enemies have these 'sword' things as well? H-how am I supposed to beat them, then?!"
Your companions gaze in awe as you're imbued with the godlike power to finally switch the game between windowed and fullscreen at will.
In a world where frogs are contraband due to their ability to save your game, rebel zoologists smuggle tadpoles into government dungeons…
I also fixed a bug in http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Saucer_Sandys_Moon_Escape/ where the player's bullets were invisible when enemies were nearby… if you'd tried it recently.
I've updated http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/U-Bend/ with the new audio just to see how it goes… Hmm, it seems to work great in Chrome, but not Opera…
GM Studio recently got new, more reliable audio functions, so I guess I'll be gradually updating some of my HTML5 games to use them.
"I'm holding him back! You'll have to deliver the final blow!" shouts your NPC partner, throwing you her sword before grappling the boss.
"When the player tries to shoot NPCs, the player character will painfully wail "No… I can't do it! Don't make me!" at the top of his voice."
"As a reward for giving the starving beggar a $1 bill, he will thankfully offer the player a $5 bill."
"160% of those surveyed confessed to lying to their partners - many re-taking the survey twice or three times to amplify their confession."
"Sought in men by women: -Can leap 3-ft fence (45%) -Can beat 10 subtraction problems in 30 secs (55%) -Can levitate "in emergencies" (89%)"
"A mystical book titled "Are You The One" was unearthed beneath the Love Shrine in 2005. Every person to open it has read the word "No"."
"Dating was freeform until the 1995 book "The Rules" was released, whereupon all human dating was forced to adhere to its rigid guidelines."
"Studies show that men are less 'choosy' - many of them will pick whatever partner the cursor is already resting on when the menu opens."
"Love is a terrifying thing. It means disengaging your blast shields and exposing your core, knowing they could smash it in one laser shot."
(All of the stuff in that picture (except for the @@ inline-styled text @@) is already valid Twine syntax that isn't currently highlighted.)
A few possible improvements to Twine's syntax highlighting that I've been idly coding up.
"The golden rule to dating is this," he adds, before rapidly uttering all the dialogue in the Will Smith movie "Hitch" at cacophanous speed.
"Think of dating like chess - you're the king, and she's the queen," he says, gesticulating at blinding speed with his disintegrating arm.
"The thing about dating is," he continues, crossing and uncrossing his legs faster and faster, "you have to say words out of your mouth."
"Y'see Jimmy my man," he began, "dating is just like a job interview." He detaches his arm and lays it on Jim's shoulder all friendly-like.
"The other death animations are locked. Until you register, all deaths will cause your character to merely frown and rotate 90 degrees."
Feral dragon babies scavenging candy wrappers for back-alley nests… Charred pigeon corpses are reported to animal control…
You produce a dread device to frighten away the beast. You hurriedly turning the crank and the notes of "Pop Goes the Weasel" start playing.
"The game is buggy - touching the goal flag often doesn't register until you vigorously rub your character's entire body over it."
The hit indie island exploration game "Perseids".
Whenever I see a clock's hands approaching midnight, I think of my playthrough of VESPER.5 and how much meaning it gave to that time.
"A transforming boss, eh? I'll transform you into pastrami! I'll rip off your health bars and tie 'em into knots! Now c'mon and face me!"
"Boss Key, schmoss key, just let me at 'em, you wretched glowing keyhole! I've got a left hook that'll put an industrial crane to shame!"
"I'm starting a games blog called World 5-3: literally the same old tired opinions you've seen before, but with more Bullet Bills."
"Best action game has been won by this adrenaline-soaked rag. It will be exhibited for 3 days. Visitors may huff its fumes for 2 mins each."
A compiler that becomes discouraged when it encounters especially negative code comments, even when it's been told to ignore them.
#IPlayed Totally Tiny Arcade. I love the silly Video Virus character and its game-specific transformations.
"Bashful Eddy was usually pictured as a floating face in a baseball cap. It was agreed that the cap was red, even though it was invisible."
"A bug that made player die randomly was attributed to 'Bashful Eddy', an invisible foe. This soon became integral to the game's mythology."
Trapped in midair by a never-ending "got item" animation, you can only watch as the world moves on and slowly forgets about you.
You hedonistically roll over the whole pile of missile expansions as the powerup jingle keeps playing over itself, getting louder and louder
"That enlarging ray they left in front of the lab's Very Dangerous Specimens tank might be related to this influx of intense boss fights."
You celebrate your son's coming-of-age only briefly. Like all adults, he is now competing with you for finite resources in a harsh world.
This GIF has an interesting colour map.
This, on the other hand, was probably prudent manual material in 1990 but now is nearly unbearable to read.
This would have been horribly twee in 1990 when this manual was written, but now seems merely benignly cute.
"This game is proudly powered by: ⚡ ELECTRICITY ⚡ "The energy of the year 2000" Pumped fresh from the wall - get it while it's hot!"
I think one of my favourite April 1st jokes was when Vlambeer released a build of Super Crate Box where the Disc Gun no longer kills you.
Dear all: I know you're planning your April 1st jokes, so may I request you make them uplifting and whimsical, not gauche and disheartening.
"It's, like, gaming the system to get unlimited power! Like teleporting a teleporter! Or shooting an enlarging ray at itself!"
Aww crap.
"It's important that teens undergo a visible and complete transition to adulthood, and thus become inert, interchangeable units in society."
"A bildungsroman must end with the hero abandoning the dream of fitting their fist in their mouth, once seeing it for the Midas wish it is."
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/Twine1.3.5.MarkupSyntax_0.html - I've updated this Twine syntax list to include newly discovered options for images (linking, positioning).
Your corpse washes up on an island, where some kids toss rocks at it to see it's dead, then push it out to sea in fear that they killed you.
Hyena scientists tear apart your corpse in search of the organ that makes body heat. A dispute over your liver escalates to a full-on fight.
In prison, you get a letter from your dog. It's doing okay - joined a pack of strays, living day by day, seeing the world. You start to cry.
"If you solved the giant buzzsaw puzzle the proper way, you wouldn't be in the Non-Nonviolent Tests this soon. You can only blame yourself."
"The competing "hit head"/"hit fist" interpretations of Mario's block-breaking animation led to an early schism in the budding church…"
During the making of Super Mario Bros. 2 and 3, I wonder if anyone second-guessed the logic of making plants that spit fireballs.
One thing about TVTropes is when a page opens with an odd phrase, it always links to the article for whatever YouTube vid it's a quote from.
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/DonkeyKong-Cutscene8.gif - I like how the cutscenes in Game Boy Donkey Kong are just a little bit more stylised than the actual game.
Sometimes when I'm alone I just spontaneously sing the 200 Strong Bad Emails song to myself http://homestarrunner.com/sbemailtwohundred.html
"The last boss is the Arch Ultimate Omnipath. Beware: unlike all previous enemies, it will try and fight back when you attack it."
"To solve the puzzle, simply work out the solution" written hundreds of times in increasingly jokey, playful language in infuriating FAQ.
As it dies, you feel unworthy to be the last living sight of such a wondrous beast. A vast, beautiful lifetime, ending with a brute's sword.
"9-to-5 Sword: A sword forged by someone tired of their job. To think you owe your life to the work of a dull passionless Friday afternoon."
"Mach Soda: This soda heals 30HP extremely quickly! When drank, you will regain the hit points in four hours rather than the usual twelve."
"Beware! The following are deadly: *Landing on spikes without a permit *Drinking lava *Removing your head, then forgetting to re-attach it"
She flips the five tarot cards: the Bad Thing, the Wizard, the Medieval Guy, the Worse Thing and the Other Wizard. You have 7 hours to live.
You shoot, but he just ducks under the sine-wave paths of your bullets. Sighing, you switch to the diagonal bullets that bounce off walls.
"I snuck a peek at my friend's tumblr likes and they're all drawings of lactating skeletons… Now I can't stop thinking about them either…"
"I predict the death of humanity sincerely… I care not for what posterity thinks - their laughter would bring solace to my departed soul."
"The dragon bounty will ONLY be given if it actually dies. Hitting a 'mortal blow' with a rock as it flies off will sadly no longer cut it."
I've downloaded the source for the Twine program and have been fiddling around with it… Hmm, interesting, yes…
"There, there," she consoles her friend, having arrived a moment too late to see the Earth explode. "The best explosions are still to come."
Her smile always seemed so bright, her teeth so pale. You would learn that she had a taste for lovers with white blood.
"A vicious fleet of space clowns… They fly to red suns and shout jokes at them until they explode… with laughter, of course, what else…"
"Yes, your honour, I've paid a man to defend me on my behalf, because I don't want to do it myself… Yes, I am a lazy, spineless creature…"
As you try to dismount, you realise you don't know how. Trapped aloft, you spend the rest of your days a mere ornament of your horse.
"First, stand in front of the statue and hold Up+B. If you don't, those buttons may fall out of your controller due to a design defect."
You snarl at the beast, but it keeps advancing. You make your mouth 20% wider. Again, nothing. You repeat this several times, just in case.
You stub your toe on the bed-leg! Life with a painless toe is now a distant memory, as a vast future of mild toe-ache extends before you.
In Super Mario World, the Yellow Paratroopa doesn't fly, but can jump over shells that are kicked at it. There are only 2 in the whole game.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 - Added another Twine stylesheet to the bottom of this page. I might start taking quick ideas for more of these.
I just got 727 points in Ziggurat, the hit indie game where Ziggy T. Rat has to flee to Europe to escape trumped-up illegal mining charges.
At last, the grave is dug. >BURY BODY You dive in and bury your body alive. Whoops! You should've buried the CORPSE, you silly billy! Ho ho!
The life-restoring powers of food come to your aid. You grab a roast turkey leg and rub it in your open wound, gasping as it does its work.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 - I've put the Twine stylesheets I've been fiddling with on this page, if anyone wants to try them or tweak them.
This is a serious question: would anyone at all ever want a Twine CSS stylesheet themed after the ZX Spectrum
I like where this particular CSS experiment is going.
A Pac-Man game, but the four ghosts are coloured white, and your job is to study their AI patterns and identify which ghost is which.
You rush to the door marked "Do not open unless circumstances require it!" No circumstance is more dire than a stinky baby advancing on you!
"Use <au> tags for text from an alternate universe. Evil universe text must be in <s> tags to stop the words invading the rest of the page."
"Your attempts to regale the frogs with hastily invented memories of your childhood tail only reinforce their growing suspicion of you."
"You regret trying to infiltrate the frogs. Your ribbit is thick with the human accent, and your clothes are catching a case of disgusting."
"The scent of clues is in the air, like pegged raiments suspended over alleys. You plan to soon shed ignorance like they shed dampness."
"I can easily transport you to Doom Castle, through the medium of song! I can also transport via piggyback ride but hope you won't ask to."
Now it seems I'm procrastinating by making a bunch of retro-themed Twine CSS snippets.
The moment of joy when you realise your shackles aren't attached to the wall, but only each other, rapidly dissipates when you double-check.
These slime-knights are utterly sloppy! Crusty, gravely, bits sloughing off and crawling away… Is this really the Slimequeen's royal guard?!
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/tsitr_corrupted.html - Now I seem to be moving on to fancy Javascript text effects in Twine.
Seems your magic wand's out of juice again. Sighing, you attach a funnel, then pull a leprechaun out of your pouch and plug in the blender.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/tsitr_decrypt.html - This Javascript Twine transition animation is a bit silly and specific, but looking at it gives me some new ideas…
You all can tell what's wrong with this GIF's animation, can't you?
I wonder how the "run over one-block gaps" mechanic even came to be in SMB… it might be the most obscure quirk in Mario's repertoire.
It's interesting how the rows of one-block gaps in 8-1 of Super Mario Bros. force the player to run straight over them, without jumping.
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/SMB3-Whirlwind.gif - Forget the sun for a second, this spinny thing looks like it took way more coding.
"Says here that Nation X's primary exports are onyx, purple lightning, and something called 'damage'. That's just what it says, 'damage'."
"So your last opponent is some guy from Nation X, a kilometer-wide bare obsidian platform in the Gulf of Finalboss. …Probably a pushover."
"'Has money changed me?' Well…" *grins w/ full set of gold teeth* "…I don't need these anymore!" *throws handful of bloody teeth into crowd*
Leon trivia: when my first tweet of the day gets a fav from @aliendovecote the words "nothing but net" appear on my screen in 90s WordArt.
"As a joke on our retirees, we wheel out the giant watch and say we spent their pension on it! …Well, for the very first guy, we kinda did."
"I don't write my tweets," he said, "they just suddenly come to me. Wait… frog tongue depressors." And with that, he whipped out his phone.
But oh, he thought, that so much human labour is lost to hunting dragons! That behind each dragon slain lies a home unbuilt, a well undug!
In pitch dark, the bats help the knight suit up one last time. He promises them a meal to repay them - either the dragon's body, or his own.
"All the classics of the videogame boom years: Big Head, Dine'n'Dash, Playing Card, Croc Or Log, Tiddlywinks, Horseplay, Sarge and Plane 2."
I find it interesting since A) it's an amusing picture that takes place entirely offscreen, and B) it's probably just a programming quirk.
If a Dry Bones' skull falls in a pit, it will fall down it for 7 seconds, then fly back up for another 7 seconds, then fly back to its body.
Dry Bones in New SMB only revive once their rolling skull hovers back to their body. This has an interesting reaction with bottomless pits.
"Hey guys! Snolog Blogflop broke up with Glop Plobbopap!" *everyone in the office looks at each other, then feigns concern simultaneously*
This corridor is empty. >DISARM TRAP Which, the spike trap, the acid trap, the gas trap, or the dart trap? >DART TRAP You see no traps here.
"Strange… the Trending Topics box suddenly says 'Treading Topics'… and my name is at the top…" *hears loud approaching boot-steps* "Uh-oh."
"It turns out I'd left a pack of space seeds growing, so when I got back, I found my apartment had some new freshly-grown kilometers in it."
"Don't worry," says the web developer as the pump fills your mouth with pink foam, "it's just a polyfill. You're not standards-compliant."
"Don't worry, I've set the robot to only have 1 mischief point out of 10." *falling baseball rolls onto keypad and types another 0* "Uh oh."
Arrgh, this has to be the second most obscure Problem Sleuth reference in this entire Homestuck.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/45860659292/super-mario-advance-2-super-mario-world - I can't believe they added a cutscene explaining the Mask Koopas in the GBA version of Super Mario World.
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/MarioVsAirman-5.gif - Sometimes I think this is my favourite GIF of mine.
Another fixed bug: if you use the spacebar "throat rip" attack on smoking or standing enemies, they won't drop a gun that has no ammo.
I fixed some bugs in the Mac port that you probably won't notice… Like: the Rami mask now increases ammo for all guns, not just enemy guns.
The Mac port of Hotline Miami is out now. I'm really sorry it took so long, everybody… There was a lot to do to get it absolutely right.
Was it really a KillBot, or just a guy dressed up? If it was the former, turn to page 52. If you thought it was the latter, turn to page 52.
The lethal deathrose, also known as finalbreath, death's-a-knockin, funeralmaker, getawayfromums, murder-in-the-garden, and mega-thistles,
I like that when you're in a bottom-screen area in New SMB, you can't use your hold item, simply because the top screen isn't touchable.
It's kind of odd how defeated bosses in Yoshi's Island and New Super Mario Bros. drop giant keys that don't actually unlock anything.
What I find weird about New Super Mario Bros. DS is how harsh the 'retro' sfx sound - definitely harsher than they ever were on the NES.
"If you've hopped into a movie, hold up a bar of gold. The characters will break from the script and stare vacantly at it until it's gone."
A zombie's dog carefully handing its owner his dropped, still-beating heart, so gingerly that not a mark is on it when he shoves it back in.
"A jar of peanut butter drops into nuclear waste and becomes to transform into the world's biggest PB&J… where the jelly is all humanity!!"
"A bolt of lightning strikes a monster movie prop and transforms it into an even better prop… for a splatter film starring all humanity!!"
"A twisted mixture of alien biology, demonic possession, black wizardry, computer bugs made real, and negative energy created these foes."
You wake with a start as your SurpriseBot yanks you feet-first out of bed. Oh no! You forgot the 'No Surprises on School Nights' option!
"I'm done for… But think of this… was it your righteous spirit that defeated me, or those ten +Atk badges? Heh… not so heroic now, are we…"
The birdsong recordings played in your cell each morning now only remind you that the actual birds who made those songs are long dead.
You stride thirty paces, turn, and open fire. You can't believe he chose the tiny pistol for the duel and left you this sweet flamethrower.
Your madcap escape from Castle Slurpgulp is just barely foiled, as the tongue drawbridge curls up and traps you in its nightmarish embrace.
Unfortunately, "Ah, it was all just a dream!" was the vocal trigger for your fake bedroom to transform back into mega-alien stomach-flesh.
"GUN SOLDIER - An action game that dares to ask: what if a soldier… had a gun? Would they use it sparingly… or refuse its brutal power?"
"See how this time bomb ticks down… To think that time, the thing that lets you be alive, is now complicit in your death… Ironic, isn't it…"
Twine game where the unruly links won't go to the next page until you click their favourite spot: the descender of y, the tip of A.
"The 45-degree surface arrived as a result of breeding platforms with walls. This freakish abomination has no place in a grid-based world."
"We gotta break into this file. Miggs, you're our double-clicker. Ted, you got control-O. Franky will do the old 'right click, open' trick."
A tale of a plucky band of Mac OS files with blank icons, and their arduous quest to rebuild the desktop.
I like the colour map of this GIF I'm making.
I like the thoroughness of Homestar Runner Wiki.
"Look, I'm a real elite cyber hacker. I just finished torrenting an entire bit. …It was zero. …Please don't tell the police."
You're breaking the mould - bending all the rules about what sex is. A flood of 'Bad's cascade from your bodies, a waterfall of disapproval.
"It can be hard to enjoy sex if the words 'OK' and 'Bad' keep flying off your partner's body if you're not touching in time to the beat."
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/45699749994/webfire - Today's update is dedicated to @smestorp's new game.
"The dura layer is just inside the skull and encases the arachnoid layer, preventing it from escaping and attacking the surgeon with bites."
No one really thinks you can actually feel the brain's thoughts around your finger, but people still enjoy trep hole fingering anyway.
Now you're sure the black ooze rapidly filling this Punishment Chamber is coming faster than you can drink it. Back to the drawing board!
"I almost thought you wouldn't be able to roll away from those advancing buzzsaws fast enough. I should've known you wouldn't let me down!"
"I thought, what with all those escape attempts, you were starting to take your limbs for granted. You can have them back after this level."
To all Dyad fans: I apologise for the highly misleading title of @auntiepixelante's upcoming game.
"Things to do with your hole: Gently whisper bedtime stories into it, preferably involving people falling into holes and never getting out."
This danged GameShark code messed up my vision.
As a child I was fascinated by how the 4th levels of SMB were *inside* the goal of the previous… A place of safety made huge, monstrous…
Super Hexagon reminds me of how @number108 said that for most players, Super Mario Bros. was an "endless" game -they never saw the ending.
"Shatter his helmet to reveal a horn. Stab the horn 3 times and it will break, revealing an orb. Stab the orb 3 times to reveal a crystal."
You don't know why the cyborg downgrades have to be so hard to buy. You just want to shoot missiles 20% slower. Is that so much to ask?!
You can finally afford the cyborg upgrade that lets your body split in half lengthways. Those spinning buzzsaws won't have the last laugh!
"You come home after a hard day of fragging enemies to find your NPC wife has been killed. Whoops! Looks like violence does beget violence!"
(What I also like about the Donkey Kong Pauline Edition hack is that it uses the version of the ROM that has the Pie Factory level in it.)
Damsel-to-hero ROM hacks.
http://www.auntiepixelante.com/?p=1961 - Fate has ordained that the Star Wench who went to space to explore in peace will stay in space to rest in peace.
Hotseat multiplayer - a game where Luigi, trapped in turn-based limbo, begins unleashing fiery psychic torment on his overachieving brother.
"You find that the chest contained not gold, but the most precious gift of all: blood. You eagerly snatch up the bags and prepare your IV."
"Play as a human and build robot soldiers OR play as a robot and build human soldiers! Both sides naturally offend and outrage the other."
"It's the old 'You scratch my back, I invent a back-scratcher, patent it, and charge you royalties through the nose for it' arrangement."
You keep losing to the baby versions of your friends in the wacky kart racing spinoff of your Twitter feed.
"No, no, I didn't do it!" splutters Zero, "T-that was Positive Zero. As you can see…" she gestures to her minus sign, "…I am Negative Zero!"
A closer inspection reveals that the "floating island" is simply nailed to the sky. You are completely satisfied with this explanation.
"The carrier can launch low-fuel seaplanes piloted by clones of you. DO NOT REFUEL them! They will crash, and if a clone dies, so do you."
"Three of the glitched infantry are immobile, one does negative damage, and another turns into a beached aircraft carrier instead of dying."
You try to explain to the bird that you didn't eat the seedcake it gave you because it's the only one in the game; also it only heals 10HP.
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/Gimmick-2.gif - I like the distinctive tree foliage colouration of the NES: rich green in front, night-black in the distance.
You're new to this magic crime-fighting gig, but you're sure that no demon could survive being headlocked by someone a quarter their size.
You've lost the terror of seeing hot energy fly from your palms, but you haven't lost the feeling that you're just a kid playing with fire.
You look to your Spell Baton - the heart-shaped crystal bulb now coated in so much blood that it more closely resembles a real heart.
You leap the hell-pit, knowing not to look down or be consumed by despair at the enslaved souls. You pretend their howls are just the wind.
You spring to your feet and re-enter the fray. You smile as you imagine telling your younger self you get punched by huge demon fists daily.
"Has man not built this fabulous city as a mausoleum for his own deceased soul?!" moaned the millionaire artist before fainting from pathos.
The rain hit the pavement hard, almost as if it had dropped from a very high place. The gumshoe trudged through using two of his four limbs.
http://www.mariowiki.com/Door#Gallery I just remembered that almost every door in the New Super Mario Bros. series has a big D-pad tutorial picture on it.
"…The thick puffy lips and open mouth of the Fire Piranha Plants in SMB3 no doubt strongly influenced the forming sexuality of 80's youth…"
"I know it seems impossible to beat 4-3 in under 35 seconds to get that S rank, but… I know that you can do it. I believe in you."
(The other notable thing about FF1 is the unique alien terseness of its English translation - 4 letter spell names, 7 letter monster names.)
This is also the case for subsequent games, but it's outright cathartic when you've been subjected to the first game's on-foot drudgery.
The airship travels very fast, unlocks every remaining region, and - for the first time in the game - is free from random encounters.
One of the few good things about Final Fantasy 1 is how tremendously empowering and euphoric it is when you finally get the airship.
"I've seen hideous things… men stabbing themselves to get a free ambulance ride… mothers begging for lollipop licks from their own babies…"
"This world is a pile of dead dog doo-doo in a dirty ditch in a dump!" shouted the jaded noir antihero character-establishingly.
"Some say he died when he fell in that bottomless pit on Level 1 three times… but I believe he's still out there, fighting the good fight…"
Ever since I learned the period key loads incoming notes in Twitter's Interactions tab, I've been drumming a rimshot on it after each tweet.
"I'd like to… FLASK you a question!" the warrior quipped, brandishing a flask of acid. "…Look, I just couldn't find my axe today, OK?"
"The background music plays constantly, over and over without end. There is nothing you can do to make it stop, except leaving the area."
January 02, 211C. The huge hexadecimal numbers on City Hall spelling out the new year are beginning to gather cybersnow as neo-clouds brood.
"Technology is all that separates man from beast," thought Charles. Then he dropped his iPhone into a sewer and transformed into a werewolf.
I like that these "Click 'Random Page' on Mario Wiki then draw what comes up" posts always have one Donkey Kong Country enemy mixed in them.
Mastaba Snoopy -> View Source
You continue using enlarging spells on the giant, hoping that if she gets huge enough, she'll lose interest in petty concerns like fighting.
Bullet points on back of shampoo: * Reboot Your Hair * Expunge All Plot Cruft * Strengthen Continuity * Nourish Your Scalp's Narrative Arc
"Forced to stare at a nipple until either you or the nipple go insane" seemed like a light punishment, but this nipple just isn't breaking…
"OK… I know I said swords can kill ghosts… well… they can't… instead they make them invincible and get unthinkable magic powers… I'm sorry…"
You enter the most scary part of the dungeon… All the potions are blood-coloured… All the scrolls have the word BOO on them… Spine-tingling…
"Fightologists are still bickering over the newly discovered "fist". The 'thumbs-in' and 'thumbs-out' factions show no signs of compromise…"
You're not enjoying this road trip to the Hysterical Forest, but the constant shrieking hides the fact you're only mouthing your laughs.
"You should be grateful you're not starving in a dictatorship! Hunger and oppression are humanity's natural state, and all else is a bonus!"
You leap into a buzzsaw! You die horribly. >UNDO You die horribly. >UNDO UNDO You undo your death, then undo the undo. You remain dead.
Every dog gets one Dog Wish to use in their lifetime. It is only because of the humbleness of dogs' imaginations that no one ever notices.
You didn't know it, but the barking in that dungeon was your own dog, who used his one Dog Wish to let you hear him all the way back home.
You break into the Intellectual Property Office. Your goal: the rights to Snacko Shark. A mascot so rad _cannot_ be wasted on muesli bars.
"Shoot the bugs. Also shoot the gems. And shoot those floating numbers that appear when you shoot the bugs. They look like enemy signals."
"nextcow(): moves player to the next cow. Improper use may make a 'cow loop', where the player helplessly bounces between two cows forever."
>OPEN DOOR Which one, the door or the door? >DOOR Which one, the door or the door? >OPEN DOOR AND DOOR You can't open the same door twice.
"We don't offer refunds," he continues, "but we do offer this pamphlet of 1,001 Household Lifehacks that involve our broken products!"
"Before you fight the last boss, you must unlock all your true potential. Fighting with some locked potential will make you die instantly."
I really, really love that something as simple as line breaks are now being briefly beheld as wondrous powers inspiring awe and amazement.
The ogre's axe shatters your sword. Suddenly, your pealing laughter at those saps buying the "sword armour" DLC comes rushing back to you…
>OPEN DOOR (first locking the door) You can't - it's locked. >UNLOCK DOOR (first shattering the key into pieces) You don't have a key.
>TAKE KEY You take the key for a moment. >KEEP TAKING KEY You again briefly take the key. >TAKE KEY FOREVER You keep taking it until you die
The game admits it used up all the victory animations when you beat level 1, and can only flash the word "THANKS" in white text from now on.
I didn't discover until just now that this text actually "ought" to look like this:
What this means is that the functioning Unicode version is both more and less authentic than the broken-Unicode version of the same game.
It seems Unicode in Twine games hosted on Dropbox doesn't work unless you download the HTML file and play it locally.
The silent assassin carefully lowers the bullet onto the sleeping victim's head with string.
"You can't actually fully eat yourself and disappear," drones the professor. "When only the jaw's left, that's it, it just sits there."
The official Twine OS X port didn't work for me until I did "chmod +x Twine.app/Contents/MacOS/Twine". Try that if it won't run.
I like the start position in this Mario hack.
"OK… I know I said this was my basement…… it's actually the sewer… please don't be mad…"
The bird part of the Pegasus is hatching… Two sticky, disembodied wings crawl out… What lucky foal will they soon burrow themselves into…?!
How ironic, that the scurrilous legs that carried you into this haunted cave must now swiftly become the legs that will hurry you out of it!
You suspect the beast is gone! You draw a breath of relief, not knowing that in a moment it would be released in a scream of frightfulness!
Twine trivia: the <<endif>> macro doesn't actually do anything by itself. Go ahead, put in as many of them as you want, anywhere you like.
I wanted to find out why my script was finding slightly more <<endif>> macros than <<if>> macros.
Twine games sorted by apparent total size of their game asset files.
Why did I decide to unzip every single Mario ROM hack in the GoodNES romset, I suddenly asked myself.
This Wikipedia template feels like it ought to be much larger.
I like how in Action 52 and Spelunker, if you fall farther than survivable distance, you drop dead in midair. "Economical…" – the critics.
"We're 210 gold short, but don't worry, we'll just run back and forth between these two rooms until one of the reapparing crabs turns gold."
According to my Twine downloader script, the Wikipedia image hotlined by "TRASH GYRE" got deleted, apparently since it wasn't public domain.
You gracefully crowbar the grate off the vent with an exquisite sweeping motion. The grate does a perfect flip and silently lands face up.
Depression Quest is a 75 MB Twine game - astounding.
Yes, I admit it, when I read that a library or module "exposes an API" I envision it revealing its functions in an elaborate burlesque act.
What I've been doing all yesterday and today is trying to make a script to download archival copies of Twine games.
You see someone crouching in the corridor, pawing at a seam in the floor's textures with their fist lumps, intent on finding a secret door.
"OK, we admit it… we gave the Gut Slurper that HR job because its name sounded really funny… Obviously not funny in hindsight, though…"
A roving ;) scoops you up in its bracket, carrying you kicking and struggling to the Emoticon Empress's palace, where her XD soldiers await.
What's more interesting is the countdown - it explodes if you reflect it when the timer's at 1, and each can hold it for up to 3 seconds.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/45214835631/drill-dozer - In this fight, you press L to reflect red shots, and R to reflect blue… but my mind keeps trying to do the reverse!
"The poker chips were laced with a toxin that induces bravado! The game decayed into a very open chat about their inner fears and worries."
Look, I just wanted to get Unicode working in Python, and this is incredibly stirring but not immediately helpful.
"Before you can advance, you must pass the Test of Might!" *points to a brick* "Just lift it. It's to get around state anti-gambling laws."
Politicians assuring that the money is just playing hide-and-seek… Foreclosed owners moving in with their dogs… A time of tightened belts…
"Lean times"… Men selling their cars and making do with piggyback rides… Bank tellers firing warning shots over protesting customers' heads…
You behold the last challenge: removing a clump of sewing needles that have become stuck to a bar magnet. The wrong move means certain pain.
It's 2013, there has to be at least 5 supercuts of other people's YouTube video intros out there.
"Not able to feel temperature or see its own glow, the iron golem often forgets to cool itself after a fire bath before embracing others."
"It hurls exploding seeds not to defend itself, but to try and sprout progeny before it is killed. That its seeds explode is a sad irony."
"Each of the small plants that you just blew up with that rocket-jump had a full life cycle history and ten generations of genealogy."
"The simulated weather has dulled the giant blades in this dungeon, as you can tell by the extra gore as it slices through you lengthways."
"The fairy NPC has the newest hint-giving AI yet. It reads your in-game frustration and dynamically generates riddles to keep it simmering."
A survey of Twine story formats.
Cursory attempt at surveying Twine macro usage.
Trying out some ad-hoc research into Twine macro usage.
#IPlayed Typing With Hands. It reminds me of SimStapler, an old Mac freeware "game" which… seems to still be around? http://www.freeverse.com/mac/product/?id=7022
"This type of rounding is also called fair rounding, merchant's rounding, Earthling rounding, merry-go-rounding and erotic rounding."
"Ha, you invested in Humongous Profits and not Stupendous Profits? A true neophyte blunder… No, don't change it, your money's tainted now."
"Rumours that Enormous Profits Inc. will be bought by Gigantic Profits Ltd. are flying fast. Godzilla Sized Profits shareholders are wary."
"No, of course we didn't know he would wish for infinity wishes! …Look, he's clearly a criminal genius… He must've planned this for years…"
"My business is Large Profits, Inc. What? Well, we make dollars, ha ha… money dollars, to be precise. As in, that big S with a line in it."
I kinda like this game's silly cops 'n' robbers theme.
The ring of crystal shields rapidly orbiting your body is starting to get irritating as it clangs and clatters against walls and furniture.
You're suited in mighty, gleaming armour! It's time to [[kill the dragon|flee from the dragon very slowly in your heavy, searing armour]]!!
You whip out your pistol. Your pistol grumpily rattles its barrel and stomps out, leaving you and your whip duel opponent in privacy.
"Here's my front yard… it's parts of other people's yards they didn't want. The ugly stumps are there, and that's the crabgrass garden."
The point in programming language proficiency where your remaining shortcomings will be interpreted as dubious taste rather than ignorance.
"I'm not the princess!" cries the hard action girl as a crown and a ballroom gown materialise on her body. "There must be some mistake!!"
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/45055960511/mega-man-2 - The Rockman 2 Endless hack has an interesting looping maze of these, where you must find a secret exit to the side.
A roomful of spacer GIFs from old websites, singing and joking and remembering the old days, each invisibly rubbing against its partner.
The spell transforms the descending staircase into an ascending staircase, but, as an inconvenient side-effect, teleports it down one floor.
MailboxBots roam the forgotten roads, guarding their mail with their lives, hunting their own kind and feasting on the precious letters.
Red Prince got me thinking of how a non-linear Jonah game could "make sense", w/r/t past passage links - if they were, say, travel choices.
I notice many Jonah format Twine games link using the <<choice>> macro exclusively, preventing any past options from being usable.
#IPlayed Castle of the Red Prince. Being able to visit any location just by recalling its name feels so natural, so streamlined.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5136 - Twine script that lets Jonah repeat previous visited passages - a manner more intuitive for int-fiction, I think.
After civilisation fell and the roads grew silent, the StreetlampBots gave meaning to the rest of their lives by shining on each other.
#IPlayed BasketBelle. The platforming is kinda tedious. I really like the thump of the basketball scoreboard as narrative punctuation.
"Some say that floppoglip and blorpiddlyflob aren't real words. To which I simply say…" *drops Oxford English Cogbloggipopgop on table*
You peruse the Hall of Shame of confiscated illegal headballs… A mannequin head… A coconut in a wig… A really determined-looking beachball…
All you see in the dark are the glowing numbers on your cell wall that count down your sentence. You amuse yourself by summing their digits.
"Ironic, isn't it, how you stormed my ice fortress with your steam powers, only to be stopped dead" - tap tap - "by a simple wall of glass!"
"City wizards suspect Makniev the demon has escaped his cell, but stress that he CAN turn invisible and this may just be a very long prank."
"An illegal cheat device has been detected in the console. Place your wrists in the handcuff slots on controller 1 until the police arrive."
"Do you long, imposter," says the Grand High Evil, "to wear my crown?" She puts it on you, and its weight sends you bowing to the floor.
Twine game where the only way to end a bitter conflict is to open the Share menu.
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/DKC3-SquealsOnWheels2.gif - I really like the way this stage ends.
"'Zombie boss: being alive… is about to get fired.' Is this entire bestiary just movie taglines?"
A huge block of stone flies toward you! The End. [Note: you didn't die, but the shame of falling for that trap makes you give up altogether]
Your meditation position is mocked by a passing gang of churlish monks. In your shame, you astrally project into a demon's stomach. The End.
"Yeah, I'm in the Twine modding community. I did a few high-res adverb mods and custom POV hacks (second-person to first-person)."
The hard action gamer begins to suspect that the "Zorp 500 Flounds" achievement he's been trying to get for 2 hours isn't really unlockable…
The hero lapses into silence when he realises that it isn't a mistake - the next 3 amulet shards are also hidden in desert zones.
In hindsight, it was surely a mistake to invite the King of Evil to the Millenium Wish-Granting Ceremony, let alone give him the first wish!
I'm imagining a Tetris game where filled rows aren't removed, just shuffled to the bottom of the well. A space-limited score attack mode.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/44883502514/super-mario-bros-3 - How's it so easy to forget that SMB3's two-player mode lets the players duke it out to steal turns from each other.
"These happy tourists smile as they're rowed down Screaming Skeleton Swamp. And why not? They know the skeletons only devour the terrified!"
"Note: sulfur fumes may make lava waterfall appear less terrifyingly hellish than it actually is. Please compensate by screaming regularly."
If you get under this block in 5-2 and mash the A button with hell-borne ferocity, you can get at most 14 coins.
Has anyone, anyone in Super Mario Bros. history, managed to get four seconds of coins out of this block?!
I like that the so-called "10-coin" blocks in SMB are actually implemented to give as many coins as you can get in four seconds, plus one.
There should be a word for when you absently fireball a Koopa, only to realise it was marching in front of a row of 8 Goombas.
Some days I think that my best videogame tweet ever was this one: https://twitter.com/webbedspace/statuses/28098780171608064
"Alert! This is a lava pit. Tiny robot says: where did you go? I only want to help you survive! Please don't leave me to die here ;_; ;_; "
"Alert! This is a springboard. Tiny robot says: please don't walk so fast! My legs are so small, I can't catch up to you to give advice."
"Alert! This is a conveyor belt. Tiny robot says: please hold me to your ear! I can't give you advice on the ground with my tiny speakers."
What an odd power it is to queue up important words and feelings on a piece of paper or a white box, instead of uttering them one by one.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/tsitr_typeout1.html - Work in progress Javascript-based transition. Still need to get this working correctly with certain macros.
"Patch notes: city transport requirements algorithm can no longer be fulfilled by 10 road tiles placed in pentagram pattern in city centre."
Your suction cup boots are, unfortunately, far too powerful! The day dawns with you still stuck at the bottom of the museum's outer wall.
"We now cross live to our reporter, speaking from inside the murder weapon!" "As you can see from these spiral grooves, this gun is rifled…"
I'm staring at the words "it will trigger a reflow" in this documentation and letting the faint imagery of these words take me away.
I like this new Twitter update where if you go over 140, the surplus characters fall out and plummet screaming to their deaths.
"You can't infiltrate pirate circles without using 'the lingo'. For instance, illegally distributing products is 'cracking a torrent'."
"In the dark web, crime reigns supreme… Pirates rule as kings, theft is celebrated, and the only people who get locked up… are the police!"
I love the fact that when Nintendo designed a space marine character in 1986, they decided that what she needed was armadillo powers.
"How do I activate the nodes?" asks the cyberwarrior. "I tried gently stroking and rubbing but it just kept spinning slowly. Please help."
"Patch notes: chocolate-flavoured worm medicine no longer cheaper, tastier than real chocolate. To whoever first discovered this: nice try."
"When you stun the boss, you have only 20 days to research gunpowder and bomb-making, construct a bomb, and toss it at its bandaged navel."
I never figured out how to get inside the dome in 5-1, but whenever I passed through, that inconsequential yet lingering secret haunted me.
The hidden areas in SMB3 levels really feel different compared to SMW's because they don't increase save file % - you need never find them.
I like how 5-2 in SMB3 has a alternative route that you can only get to by carefully landing on some note blocks during the falling segment.
"Blowing up save file with bomb icon 97 times opens tunnel to hermit who says 'the real game has just begun' before bricking your console."
"Mayor loses bet with animal control that escaped lion will naturally bow down to his sheer overwhelming charisma, right arm."
"Patch notes: reverting the previous update. Sorry everyone, we thought hit points were something else entirely."
"This vacant corridor counts as a maze because you don't know how many times you have to turn around until the exit appears. Ten? Thirty?!"
The dilletantes in the audience critique your bared foot: "Look at that svelte arch, that smug bulbous heel, that cultured, erudite instep!"
"The only powerup you need in real life," booms the animatronic Kid Zapper in the center of Zapland Playzone 27, "is believing in yourself!"
Other game characters tried to give Mario guns, but when he fires them, the bullets just fly forward at walking speed, waving their fists.
Mario bolts out of bed, rushing to transcribe a brilliant method for allowing Yoshi to enter the castles as well… but alas, the dream fades.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5019 - Updated <<replace>> and <<timedreplace>> so that the inserted/removed text now uses CSS transitions, if any.
"Patch notes: we have no idea what a 'leather mail' is, or how it got into this game, but it's gone now. Starting characters are now nude."
"The power of the stars is restored to the castle," says the voice actor, pausing as she wonders how many "the"s that sentence contained.
Maybe that could've happened if the NES just had two more controllers. Four protagonists to support four-player mode. Who knows…
I wish the series had followed Super Mario Bros. 2, with Mario Bros./Toad/Peach being a quartet that battles a different villain each game.
I guess it was Super Mario Bros. 3's fault that kidnapping Peach became ossified in the series, even tho back then it was a final act twist.
Years after civilisation collapses, many would find the warmest parts of logobears' fur would be the parts emblazoned with corporate logos.
"Friendly robot says: please don't hold my battery so high up! My arms are too short to reach up and take it from you. ;_; ;_; "
"Alert! This is a battery. Friendly robot says: please give it back! I need batteries or I'll die ;_; "
"Alert! This is a spike. Friendly robot says: spikes are sharp! Never jump on one unless someone tells you to!"
So are there really no 3 in Three gameplay videos to be found anywhere on YouTube?
You can't outrun the rising lava with this gold statue, but you can't stop imagining the legal fees for looting this World Heritage Dungeon.
Not enough gold is in the pot, so the Rainbow Bridge is only halfway over the Dread Gorge. You'll have to go frag more leprechauns, I GUESS.
Armed with nothing but a bullet and an unlimited supply of guns, you prepare to storm enemy territory.
You've got all the bonus coins, the exit is in sight, and you're pretty sure you can make this [[one last jump|die horribly]].
The ultimate combat maneuver.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5020 Updated <<cyclinglink>> yet again: now it reads the variable you give it, instead of resetting it to the first value.
No matter how many dozens of levels you descend, each habitation sector boasts it's "just half a mile below sunlight!" on its welcome sign.
So far underground that the only water the locals drink is AquaGoo, a gray viscous beverage thought to be repackaged fire extinguisher foam.
She sits, pondering what to do with you. Never have you wished so hard for a lip to not curl upward, for a smile to not spread on her face.
"Stand on the Big Wig and use the Hair-Raising Storybook. Wahey, now you're flying!"
It occurs to me that in Twine you can roughly replicate Jonah's stretchtext in Sugarcane by combining my <<replace>> macro with <<display>>.
Perpetual motion.
"Wizard chess is like regular chess, except you have to feed and tend to your chess pieces between games, and replace the ones that die."
Is that a common or well-known animation concept, I wonder. I don't know if it would fall under the purview of conventional tweening?
http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/05957.gif I notice in Homestuck that GIF motions are often animated with this 1/20-sec jolt to emphasise the line of movement.
All new Samus origin story: she's an armadillo that got turned into a human by a wizard, but retained latent armadillo-like powers.
http://l.j-factor.com/twine/ - I noticed I ought to put my Twine code on my actual personal home page as well. Starting with the macros for now.
"Wait," says the hard puzzle gamer, "you mean I can create as many desktop shortcuts as I want? To anywhere on my hard drive? …Oh my. Wow…"
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/ - I'm experimenting with making something really silly happen when you click "!!" in the "Other Stuff" submenu.
Goblet Grotto supplementary paragraph CLXXVI.
"The Magic Wallet contains so much money that the human mind can't comprehend it! Except for these four dollars. You can comprehend those."
After 9 years of work by top archaeologists, the pillar's hieroglyphs are translated as "Hit the 6th block from below to open King's Tomb".
A time traveler cannot rely on arms and wealth. They must confront every obstacle with just two weapons: a nimble tongue and a masked face.
Due to a whimsical quirk of temporal physics, the only items you can travel back through time with are clothes and masks.
"Gentlemen, I present the Tweet 9000: steel-reinforced vowels, built-in phone, and ten characters' worth of nuclear fuel cells! ☢☢☢☢☢☢☢☢☢☢☎"
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5108 - Here's a Twine script that's sort of a shorter, pared-down version of the famous Timer script.
The final staircase in D-3 of The Lost Levels - true to its antagonistic ways to the end.
The final staircase in 8-3 of Super Mario Bros, oft hailed as a deeply meaningful moment in the game.
I like the sense of a game's patterns and vocabulary quietly breaking down as the game nears its end - like the broken staircase in SMB.
Huh, I never noticed Bowser in the Sky had this carving on the final pillars.
I like how Mario can just run up walls in Bowser in the Sky and no one questions it because the game's almost over and reality's loosening.
She must have put some magic in that little navel of hers, because when you sipped wine from it, litres and litres poured into you!
You still can't help noticing her silence, her firm lips, and the minuscule beating of her cheeks, as if tiny fists were pounding inside.
I'm sorry everyone, but I can't bring myself to type "Javascript" in CamelCase anymore. It's just… it just looks too 90s.
You are carrying a sword. What will you do with the sword? [[Quest to kill something strong]] [[Quest to kill something weak]]
I was always bothered by the fact that the man page for 'false' says it "does nothing, unsuccessfully". Does that mean it does something?
"No, my lord, we haven't succeeded at making a hundred-foot tall gorilla, but we have made a hundred foot-tall gorillas. …they're adorable."
Most fly-screens can stop baby battle-copters, but the heavier baby transport copters can release their tiny infantry to hack through it.
If the tank embryos can crack their egg's shell with their first cannon blast, they survive. Otherwise, the mother uses their egg as ammo.
The wrist secretly thinks this 'arm wrestling' business is all a load of hooey, but stoically toils on, weathering the burden with the rest.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5061 - Updated my Twine audio macros: added <<fadeinsound>> and <<fadeoutsound>>, for fading in looping music.
I've been testing out my Twine CSS macros by adding them all to a copy of @auntiepixelante's Town.
The 300-in-1 cart begins to run out of fake names for Super Mario. "Firefighter 3". "Head Wound Man 2". "Yellow Santa 5". "Escaped Clown 7".
A slime girl begins her day by covering herself in flour and getting dressed. She hopes she can literally hold herself together.
You've got an adorable love letter to write! You just wish you could remember which of your chewed pencils bears her teeth marks.
"Why isn't it getting smaller?!" you wonder aloud as you cover the giant spider in even more shrink wrap.
"The law requires that any liquor sold as 'grot poppit' must be aged in half-empty juice boxes for 3 weeks and then loudly stomped out."
"So you're in a whimsical bed-themed fantasyworld where your pajamas are the uniform of mighty star-soldiers, and you didn't roll with it?!"
With your newfound size, you lift a crate with one hand, and place it directly on its destination square. Giant tears roll down your cheek.
You can't see a thing, but you imagine her hand is quivering from the force of your enveloped screams.
"Achievement Unlocked: Don't Cross The Street When The Red Man Flashes (grabbed an invincibility star in Super Mario Bros.)"
You wake up. All your body parts have been rearranged in alphabetical order. "You're awake" says the librarian, her mouth on her midsection.
"This is the mug we want whacked. He's the preferences file for a certain shareware utility, and we'd like another 30 days to decide, see?"
You're a bit annoyed your neighbourhood still hasn't unlocked the new cloud shapes yet. Will you have to buy the seahorse clouds yourself?!
I just realised how similar the For The Frog The Bell Tolls soundtrack and the Yoshi's Story soundtrack are, w/r/t their central motifs.
You smile as you imagine your enemy's heart panicking, forcing his blood out harder through his wounds, accelerating its own demise…
"Even I wonder why I built a tickle machine that runs non-stop for 10 centuries," said the Torturesmith. "I guess I'm an artisan at heart."
"I worry some of my machines are 'hammers lacking nails' as they say," said the Torturesmith. "For instance, does anyone have four armpits?"
This band of woodland animals that've congregated to watch us as we walk under this suspended giant boulder seem to know something we don't.
"In number theory, we first have the crumbly numbers (that can be divided by your bare hands) and the clothy numbers (require scissors)."
"Bunkum! The notion my cries of 'gold' were just to lure you to this cave to show you my rad glow-in-the-dark stickers is… It's utter guff…"
"Grimkiller boasts the cheapest zombie IAP on the market, at just 5¢ per zombie! Our game's zombies will 'eat your brain, not your wallet™'"
The muffleblubbins in your team are getting boisterous! Don't they see you're a jolly chest-bump away from falling on a Lose A Turn square?!
Cruel, heartless shoot-em-up where every time you miss, a cutscene shows your stray shots blowing up a farmhouse full of lambs 100km away.
The search algorithms are drunk with power… Sites about destroying all humans show up in every query… Pro-human pages sink into darkness…
I made a quick 1-hour Twine game yesternight but it's so frivolous and unworthy you'll have to backtrack through my tweets to find the link.
The player's cell phone # is one off from the hint line for the game, and keeps getting clue-laden wrong calls from people one puzzle later.
Unable to bravely march on, you mount your unicycle and pedal forward, the effort of balance distracting you from your certain painful doom.
"Maybe it's true that all civilisations swiftly destroy themselves after discovering videogames… But I certainly hope not."
Corrypt fangame. Part 1: switches that only toggle things that are onscreen. Part 2: you can tilt the map Mode 7 style to fit in more stuff.
Corrypt/Zelda game which involves realising that the dungeon areas are meshed together in internal memory, like this: http://userpages.monmouth.com/~colonel/videogames/zelda/under1.png
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