Leon's Microblog – June 2013

"I admit it… my book is a fake. There was no Chocotopia. The 'melted continent' is just a legend… I'm sorry I was apparently so convincing…"
"If you lose the match, you will start to die of shame. If you have an extra life, the ring doctor will give an emergency ego transplant."
Mel Brooks's ultimate legacy is surely the millions of website spacer GIFs whose filenames are "spaceball.gif".
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/MonoLudiCon/ Here's a HTML5 port of my 2011 game "MonoLudiCon", a platform game with a level editor that only has 1 element in it.
Abandoned 'endless runner' game of mine. I believe the game mechanic is obvious.
You knock out the butler and drag him to a closet full of tied-up bodies. You're close to your record for most stolen clothes in one heist!
You both make the classic mistake of wall-jumping ninjas: jumping in single file. Your partner slams into you on the wall, flattening you.
"There ain't no rule that says you have to obey the rules," realises middle-school underdog sports team in last 30 minutes of summer movie.
http://leonarnott.neocities.org/ - Not sure if this will last, but I may use this to host very temporary web pages related to stuff I'm doing.
"I'm living in the lap of luxury… I carry a $50 bill just for something to laugh at… I sleep in four four-poster beds - one for each limb…"
This marching ants effect I'm working on isn't quite there yet… It's more like marching snakes.
I think I'm going to make the default CSS for the <ins> tag have a text-shadow that resembles badly yellowed white-out.
"Get outta here! You're invalid!" groan the stodgy old teachers at the <center> tag as it smirks and skateboard-wheelies down the hall.
The palace has denied accusations that some of the 20 wailing wolves at the King's funeral were just yawning cats alongside tape recordings.
"Behold! A ring with a diamond the size of Earth! …Yeah, it's a 'sorry I disintegrated the Earth' gift."
The old man explains that the treasure he told you about was hidden on the *other* side of the waterfall - that is, the rest of the world.
"You may have broken my sword… but I still got both o' these!" *tries to slice opponent with knobbly clenched knuckles*
"I worked home security for a millionaire, keeping kids from stealing the driveway's space gravel and using its powers to cheat at sports."
The comfortbeasts deduce that since the hero they've been comforting hasn't tried to kill them for 10 minutes, he's probably just a corpse.
The council was quick to ban trailers that arch over the car and pull the front bumper - thus creating infinite speed - within school zones.
Those times when your head wishes it could retract into your warm, sensorially soothing chest and let the rest of your body handle things.
"I know we often said 'Friends through thick and thin'," said the bird to the knight, "but I'm afraid thick is the most I can do… Sorry."
Blockbuster action-packed OS replaces the word "error" in its error messages with "disaster".
http://darylseitchik.tumblr.com/post/37724230383/suburban-beverage-concluded-continued-in - Argh, plenty of my childhood dreams went sour in this exact way. (Content warning: insect related horror)
The judicial process posts your sentence: deleted to death, then your sector reformatted and overwritten with spinning police badge GIFs.
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/KirbysAdventure-SpinningTower3.gif - Let's admit it: this particular spinning tower background makes no sense whatsoever.
I should note that those glitched renderings seems to be unique to Opera's PNG engine, insofar as Firefox and Chrome don't display anything.
http://l.j-factor.com/mangled/dryeyes2.png - I tried to upload the picture of the glitch to imgur, but it proceeded to glitch it TWICE.
http://l.j-factor.com/mangled/dryeyes1.png - This imgur upload didn't work out correctly. (cc @mcclure111)
Maybe I should reconsider using an upload service that has this button on its front page.
You flip over to virtual baseball. It's 18 batters fighting a gigantic animatronic ball. It's "virtually baseball", shrugs the announcers.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/54044364681/brogue Hallucination (shuffled tiles and names) was in the original Rogue, but here it has a long-deserved visual flourish.
The most beautiful restaurant… Its architecture and interiors are inhuman… Everyone sits rigid, scared to even talk, to disrupt perfection…
I just remembered that Donkey Kong 64 got beaten to the "unexplained boxing match final boss" trope by Kirby's Dream Land of all things.
You open your box of daily "don't get teleported back to the Crystal Mistress's prism cell" pills, but what? Heart candies? "I missed you"?!
"Internet Explorer 6 support is achieved by detecting the browser and then redirecting to Zombocom."
"Disarming the bomb halfway through its explosion causes the fire and shrapnel to stop in midair and kinda just flop on the ground."
What is up with this animated mouse cursor in Windows XP? Why is it so… enticing…
This hall has hovering statues of the Queen, upside-down, sideways and spinning rapidly, to show she remains dignified even in microgravity.
To combat high fuel prices, the city has opened 'reverse freeways' where cars must drive in reverse to regain fuel instead of burning it.
Though the descriptive text of this room implied the exit led to freedom, it actually led inside a mega-lion's mouth. Better luck next time.
Just then, midnight strikes! All your split-off doubles fly back and merge with your body. You're suddenly wearing ten layers of dresses!
A blanket marketed for its ability to muffle sobbing underneath - consumers soon flip theirs over to vastly amplify it instead…
"To give you a sporting chance, the stompbeast has been fitted with razor-edged cupped shoes. If you curl up quickly, you might fit inside…"
The idea is that, with my inline HTML mod, you can go <span class="outline"> to use the style in passage text </span>.
I've been making some basic CSS text style classes that you could use in Twine alongside bold and italic.
An absurd image comes to you: a tiny bead of soft grimy flesh, wedged deep in miles of dark stone. Such incongruity summons grim laughter.
You imagine these quick-growing vines are surprised at the texture and softness of your legs. What odd trees are these, they surely wonder.
You bowl the ball, only for the forced-perspective alley to get narrower and narrower until the ball gets jammed in it. One of those days…!
"Look at your stats, mighty hero. Speed: zero, Dexterity: zero, Agility: zero…" teases the medusa as she pokes your stone form on the nose.
http://youchosewrong.tumblr.com/post/53853211755/from-twistaplot-1-the-time-raider-1982-this - I remember reading this as a kid. I really like how it uses white space to eerie effect.
You didn't know the Duchess's banquet food had Lazy Legs venom in it - you try to escape by flopping on your belly before they catch you.
These ceremonial knives are only used for a knife-blunting ritual: the priestess laughs as your slashes cartoonishly bounce off her skin.
"What if you wore a gas mask and a plague-doctor mask at the same time… I think we're breaking new ground in germpunk styles here."
The plan to make Snakes and Ladders more exciting by adding more dice has only succeeded insofar as it's made games dramatically shorter.
"I looked up the double-ended acrostic on Wikipedia and now I'm entranced - the normal ones just look so maddeningly basic now."
"Storing your holiday memories in SynthMinds has never been easier- they'll relive your wonderful moments over and over for up to 30 years!"
"If you get enough money, you can hire an EthicsBot to make the tough dialogue tree decisions for you. All the drama, none of the sweat!"
Spoilers: Gur YCre'f png vagresrerf jvgu gur tnzr, ohg fb qb gur jngpure'f onaare nqf… fb lbh'er cynlvat obgu nf gur YCre naq gur jngpure??
Rara Racer http://www.increpare.com/2008/12/rara-racer/ is kind of interestingly contradictory, regarding who exactly it is you're playing as.
Seeing a balloon float away into the sky is such a strange, dreamlike way of losing something. Almost as if the sky itself has devoured it.
The first time you lose a helium balloon as a kid is a sharp moment. Seldom has one tiny slip meant that a toy is suddenly irrevocably gone.
"The roller-coaster was fun, but I wish the cars weren't being repaired so we didn't have to quickly run along the tracks on foot."
"We came all this way to stick our heads in the mouth of a guy in a crocodile suit, and you won't even trust a stranger to hold the camera?"
Annoying a magician has won you a curse: he magically steals all your cards. Soon all your packs are gone and you must resort to Scrabble.
A wisp of wild magic changes all your horses into horse-sized ducks. They promptly go mad with unthinkable power and gallop into the sky.
You're glad all your fissures and cracks are inside your clay body, where only you have to feel their aches. God forbid anyone else sees.
As you stumble out of bed, you can feel a hundred tears stirring and waking up in your head. They've got big plans for today, too.
A number tenuously related to the subject of my previous tweet hit 5 digits just now. That's a large number, alright.
http://undertale.com/ - The Mac port of this role-playing game is available now.
"What this Twine game sadly fails to explain is why its entire world is just a set of floating white sentences in a black void."
"She strode in the room, her eyes fiery, her lips inflamed, her chin infuriated and her cheeks outraged. She was really annoyed, I guess."
All you ask is to develop psychic powers just long enough to evapourate your worthless body by willpower alone - and even that is too much.
Your flawless plan to dissolve away in your bathtub, never to return, has been foiled by the fact that the taps can only fill it with water.
Your tear ducts enjoy their simple, thankless work, and try not to pay much heed to whatever's going on around them.
"Your fighting stance is the key to battling. Human Stance defeats humans, Cow Stance defeats grasses, and Lava Stance defeats ice wraiths."
"This dollar bill is equivalent to any one of the following labours: * 15 laid bricks * 2-min horseriding lesson * 1 baby name critique"
"The spores lining the inside of this armour provoke feelings of invincibility in their wearer. This helps them die and decompose faster."
You wake up to find that a pigeon has been roosting on your solar collector all day. You don't even have the energy to shoo it off… Oh woe!
Whatever, at least this way more people might see that Gurney Slade episode I tweeted last November - that one's always good.
It occurs to me my Twitter "media grid" is completely all over the place because none of my hundred daily imgur links show up in it.
Underfunded spy agency re-uses banana nunchucks from gorilla mission gadget set in robot mission, tries to dub it a "potassium aerial".
"To save your game, charge your phone at a random wandering socket, then chase a Wi-Fi Butterfly until you get a signal to phone home."
E.T. (Game Boy Advance)
"I just want you to know I have the UTMOST respect for people with limitless psychic powers who can annihilate anyone who's in their way."
The strength potion only runs out when you bust through 20 walls! Unluckily, the magic decided to include the full-length poster on wall 19.
Giving yourself two squirts of anti-gravity spray 'just in case' was a bit much. You're being crushed by your own weight up on the ceiling!
I just noticed the cursor in the Advance Wars tutorial has the word 'CURSOR' on it in flashing letters.
Your party's wizard only specialises in disaster magic. A tiny volcano opens in the floor to singe foes. A miniature hurricane blinds them.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/53622102643/gravity-bone - Blendo has something of a knack for pithy notification text.
Black tar pours out of your head and down over your eyes and coats your hands and arms and you sit waiting for it to stop or even just slow.
"Look" the ship's robot cheerfully says, "Earth wasn't blown up after all!" You smile sadly at the blue-white painted smear on the porthole.
"Since you've again disobeyed my orders, I've switched off all the warning signs. I hope you remember which rooms require covered footwear!"
The reason you were told to wash your ears was to mask your scent from the waxfairies who slip inside and eat music and expel honking horns.
As you follow her down the hallway, the ghosts of her dozens of exes scowl at you. You slyly mug your "Relax, I've got a plan" face at them.
Having lost your wings, you feel as if these stones on your bare feet are the ground's mockery of your former freedom. Oh spiteful soil!
You play the magic lute and a gold bridge forms next to the chasm, rather than over it. You spend the next 4 hours trying to aim the music.
This magician's just pulling card after card from a bare hanky and gasping about how magic is real and physics is broken. It's getting dull.
The pressure to get office number 12,345 is intense… Everyone is pulling obscene overtime to obtain the promotion to that wondrous room…
The "family robot" in TV shows would often emote shame by covering its head aerial with its hands, though everyone knew this did nothing.
The villagers train their children to fear magic by collectively pretending they've been turned into a frog for their entire fifth birthday.
Extremely moody API update deprecates 90% of its functions, remaining functions only return the string "Go away"… Just give it some space…
There is one animation where Donkey Kong "rolls up his sleeves" in DK64, but it doesn't actually roll up his fur revealing bare skin. :(
I found it interesting that in his original 1994 design, Rare's Donkey Kong's arm fur was flat and baggy like sleeves
You sit and feel minutes sliding through your fingers like sand. How anyone can get a grip on even a few of these is bewildering to you.
A swarm of ants are slowly transporting a dead moth down your hallway. Would that all insects could get so lavish a funeral march.
You're in your own home, yet you've silently adopted that hair-trigger waiting stance, tensed as if your name will be shouted at any moment.
You notice your toes are still cold long after you've put on socks. You're still sure that one more minute will have them warmed up, though.
Sometimes you think letting your limbs harden and solidify would be easier than having to constantly unstiffen them just to be able to move.
You find each day to be a world of cold, where everything you touch drains your warmth, where only huddling in bed gives you slight comfort.
You try and duck out of work early, but the skyscraper you're in suddenly turns around to sun its back, blocking the car park exit.
Your dog keeps running after your missed arrows, fetching them, and trying its best to jam them into the front of the target.
"You've ogled me all day, thinking "what's with the 2 hairclips", right?! Well, this one halves fire damage! And this one? Poison duration."
"You CAN eat your words, provided you hold your mouth open, wiggling your tongue to gently, slowly entice them to flutter back inside."
A pile of unearthed swords… The ancient custom of burying a sword when it takes a life, imprisoning its sin in hallowed ground, is violated…
"A convoy of silence trucks passes my house every night… They're not s'posed to skim it for 'emselves… but I don't hear a whisper from 'em!"
An entire evil kingdom ruled solely by wicked little witch lackeys… An unassailable malevolent magic mischief matriarchy…!
"If you think about it," says the voice before opening the trapdoor under you, "the other directions are just 'down' in a different accent."
"Look, if becoming unspeakably evil isn't a legit superpower then I'll just slam dunk this seething black crystal right into the garbage!!"
You manage to push the crate onto the switch, only to realise it's just a flat sprite that constantly faces you, and thus has no mass. Darn!
"Here's all 50 of your MaidBots. If the Turn Utterly Evil bug strikes one, the rest can overpower her!" *100 robot eyes suddenly glow red*
"This flower only blooms once every hundred thousand years, so we're not taking any chances." *unleashes slow, regimented trickle of bees*
Chess knights are unaware they aren't moving in straight lines. They are otherworldly beast-fighters whose sense of geometry is alien to us.
I'm really curious about how the "round-edged text box = search box" de facto standard for web UI came to arise.
"This death scene has been printed with sorrow-imp tears for ink. Please lick the page to feel the appropriate emotions of stricken grief."
http://www.quirksmode.org/html5/tests/inputs_misc.html - I kind of want to use this colour input form element in a Twine, except Firefox seemingly doesn't support it…
Dragging over webpage elements feels like one of the few ways to really 'touch' a page, even though it doesn't usually respond at all.
The ability to select CSS3 styled text, with shadows and transforms formerly limited to images, gives modern sites a different tactile feel.
I feel like there should be a Twine macro that reacts in some way when the player selects a span of text. An unorthodox input method…
"This CSS reset reboots your website's continuity. Old secondary elements are retconned out, and the stars get fresh new powers and attire."
"Don't worry, every first-timer leaves the door to the pale void open! We can just replace the colour-drained carpet, walls and furniture."
"The ultimate in non-linear storytelling - every single letter is a link to a totally new plotline… The dragon of story structure is slain…"
"It is said that when the King died, even the cacklecreeps ceased their ceaseless cackling to shed solemn tears from their vacant sockets."
"You're missing out on these amazing bullets!" shouts the LoginBot as it opens fire on your defenses. "Sign up to access their features!"
Two-player Twine game where both players grip the mouse and certain passages decide whose hand gets to be on top.
The friction between these bedsheets and your pajamas begins to inexplicably increase until you find yourself trapped in this bed.
Everyone else has probably noticed this already but Neil is a pretty good punny name for a quivering submissive boy.
Your boss's avant-garde office is a tad intimidating - hologram desk, a giant touch-screen floor, time-frozen explosions used as yoga balls…
"It's a one-in-a-millenium wildfire… and they're our last chance to save the city!" *whacks button releasing giant mantises into the street*
Some fluff is poking out from a crease in your knuckle. You pull it and more keeps coming. "Guess I'm in another of THOSE tweets," you sigh.
"The streets are paved with gold! The windows are pure crystal! Giant floating rubies instead of cars! All the clouds rain molten silver!"
You know what kind of magician you're dealing with when their front hall has dozens of "life size" statues ranging from one inch to 20 feet.
Your six feet of height are drained from you into a storage vat. Your flattened, disc-like form is grabbed by a robot arm and frisbeed away.
Halfway through your rambling plea for extra assignment time, you notice your wizard-professor has sarcastically turned himself to stone.
All you see of your masters are the dishes you wash in this kitchen-cell. Alien cutlery - mallets, hinged blades, spiked orbs, all bloodied…
Hmm, I believe this is what's known as "Charlie Brown-ing" your Super Hexagon game.
Great. That's just great. I cannot beat Hyper Hexagon at all, but I CAN beat Hyper Hexagoner.
I like the unintuitive fact that there are mechanic ideas for #868HACK that are both 'too videogame-y' and 'not computer-y enough'.
If I had the writerly urge I'd make a post about how Game Title: Lost Levels, Problem Attic etc. use the edge of the screen - "Edge Cases".
"V-Hard Mode: smaller save points, bigger hit points (2 font sizes larger), longer monsters and shorter minutes make this a true challenge."
A museum shack housing what may be the last set of mud tire tracks in the world… Fossil of a man-made beast with intricate, alien tread…
A rapidly growing Piranha Plant sprouting from a nearby pit and snaking into the pipe, jaws snapping, hungry for spelunking plumber blood.
The Piranha Plant that comes out the exit pipe in 1-2 led me to imagine it instantly grew in hot pursuit of you while you were in the pipe.
Desperate adventurers slamming nose-first into a wall that has a save point painted on it and losing their last few hit points.
Ants watching human movies with all the dialogue dubbed into pheromone.
"Well, I didn't ~actually~ hunt all ten thousand of these trophies… but I did purchase the right to say I did from their original hunters."
She sent in her resignation, as he'd ordered. But, she'd used a larger sheet of paper than he'd expected… He couldn't open his office door.
You imagine crushing distant skyscrapers with your fist. Once, it was trivial to raise them. Now, no force on Earth can even demolish them.
It's silly, you know, but one sight in these dead cities that pains your heart are unfinished skyscrapers - edifices of squandered effort.
This lost city's public fountains are what you find most macabre - precious water, flung into the air for show! You laugh as you imagine it.
You spy a flock of FlamingoBots, custodians of a ruined pleasure palace. Their paint has faded to chrome - silver ghosts of dead opulence.
"Nice view up here," says the woman as her abductor grips the cliff edge at her feet. "You could get…" - stomp - "…lost in these sights."
"Well, any building is just a few hundred digging spells away from being a mountaintop lair," replies your sorcerer-lord as he unpacks.
JIM: "Monkey Car, I thought you were totaled!" MC: "I was… but now I'm just totally wild!" JIM: "Wow, phew." (double-take) "YOU CAN TALK?!"
"Monkey Car is cruise control for out-of-control!" - tagline for Monkey Car, a movie about a monkey that was also a car.
"You all follow me for my daily musings, but I too can crack a joke like the 'weird' folk! What do camels call Wednesday? Hump Day! Ho ho!"
Time travelers arrive from a future where your descendants have become Earth's dominant life-form, transform you into a bunny, and depart.
"It seems we'll have to spend our way out!" shouts your party's mascot fairy as you all sink deeper and deeper into the vat of coins.
You think I would've managed to accept that further progress is simply no longer possible. :\
I've owned Super Hexagon since last November and I still haven't beaten Hyper Hexagon. Why do I keep trying.
"Why bother opening one dark portal when you can make 10 small ones for each finger," she says. "That's all I need to torment a lightsider!"
The dragon has no love of jesters, but carefully clothes his prisoners in their bell-adorned attire, lest they sneak out amid his slumber.
"Always treat your gun with respect and servility, for it is mighty beyond human ken, and its fealty can be withdrawn in an instant."
These bosses from the previous game worked hard to break out and hack their way into this one. You can hardly call this boss rush 'lazy'.
Rather than untie you from these ground-bind vines, these fairy engineers are tunneling under you to reconnect the roads you're lying on.
Watch out for the "shadow message board" - it's in the corridor with the dingy lights, and it's got ALL the Satanic roommate want ads on it.
Just as you step onto the pressure plate, the crate you're holding sprouts legs and dashes through the open door. "Thanks!" it shouts back.
People say there's too many games where the final villain turns giant at the end for no reason… But what if there's actually not enough.
If the camera in this rising lava stage just panned to the right, we'd see an immense fire giant slowly lowering herself in for a cozy bath.
"We've tripped the self-construct sequence - we'll have to escape this rubble pile before it inflates into an extreme castle challenge."
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5475 - I decided to take those YouTube background audio macros for Twine, and try to make some slight improvements.
The Sugarcaneagon stylesheet looks like a video editing app's stock interstitial title card. What monstrous form of kitsch have I unleashed?
http://l.j-factor.com/twine/stylesheets/ - I made a page that can show you live previews of my Twine CSS stylesheets.
The especially disturbing part was that the room was dark until you entered, whereupon a light would snap on and the sky would be revealed.
I had a dream about a disturbing art installation that was a tiny room that, when you looked in, turned out to have the entire sky inside.
"Any kitchen-pot robot worth its seasoned frying-pan head would give its left spatula-arm for one of these blade-sharpened eggbeaters."
"Hitler's head exploding in Bionic Commando was blatant subtext for an innocent person's head exploding from PSI (Psychic Satan Influence)."
"Imported games must be proven not to be psychic murder training software, and scanned rigorously for telekinetic brain explosion metaphors"
http://forums.selectbutton.net/viewtopic.php?p=1277173#1277173 - Here's a small "indie game mixtape" of shmup games - each side reflecting a particular specific focus.
"The pressure to have a 'maiden safari' in a high-pedigree diamond mine is spurious… Industries breed fine diamonds by the thousands…"
"The 'traditional' image of a young fianceé hunting and killing a diamond for her lover, chisel in hand, is a product of mass marketing."
"You may wonder why phone receivers aren't big enough for people to shove their whole heads through, rather than just their shaking fists."
It took boldness to open a building with only trapdoors and springboards linking floors, defying the dominant 'vertical giant fan' paradigm…
"Just imagine using an entire skyscraper as a club! …You're not impressed? C'mon, it's literally hitting someone with 50 offices at once!"
"Listen to me… the Ugly Duckling story isn't just a kids' tale… Since 1970, every star and model on the globe has been using swan hormones…"
The feral PunchBots expressed affection through punching… The 'battle-dented veterans' lionised by the media were not warriors, but lovers…
Room escape game where you must debase yourself before the almighty exit door by dismantling and deconstructing every object you can find.
Go back in time to when this death temple was just an ugly cairn and pluck a tooth necklace offering out of its grimy acolyte's hands.
Gremlins 2: The New Batch.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 I'm the player, and I choose to define winning Super Hexagon as "making a Twine stylesheet resembling Super Hexagon".
"OK, joke's up, all these 'morphed wizards' are just regular mice. No, they don't need your hair for a spell, they just like playing in it."
Your proprietary robosuit's connection to its licensing server is guaranteed five nines uptime. But, the 0.001% happened just as you jumped.
"How Can You Even Tell If I'm Fucking You At This Point": the @mcclure111 sequel to @LifeInNeon's Reset.
So it seems making a CSS hexagon, making it constantly spin, AND giving each side a drop-shadow WILL annihilate Firefox's framerate.
What if you're hallucinating the whole time and your swords are actually feathers and these corpses are actually tickletired gigglepufflings
It's the end of your turn. The monster waltzes over and delivers her coup de grâce: a kiss on your cheek, your last hit point floating away.
"Death awaits around every corner… four of them, to be precise…" —box quote for Death Square 2: Equal Sides, Equal Angles, Equal Doom
I played Hyper Hexagon for 132 minutes and accomplished nothing and didn't beat my best time. ⬢ http://superhexagon.com/
Animate spikes milling around in the pit below you, excited, keen to be the one to catch your flailing falling body like a wedding bouquet.
"100% complete: grab everything collectable, then dump it all in the incinerator, thus preventing the game state from ever changing again."
I still feel like the difficulty spike in H_xagonest, and the plateau from it to Hyper Hex, detracts from the game more than it benefits. :|
All of the poor ghosts in this haunted mansion were devoured by the rich ghosts, so that they may elegantly waltz in the ballroom in peace.
That documentation is a bit wearily written and more than a tad obtuse at the present, but do try and examine what's new in the script.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5462 - Finally, I've combined <<replace>>, <<timedreplace>>, <<revision>>, <<hoverreplace>> and <<once>> into one script.
I've finished another Twine script but I'm too tired to write up the instructions for using it… A predicament as old as time…
You've oft scoffed at Wii owners while playing your birthday console, the OwnsBones 200, and its trove of vaguely maths-themed shoot-em-ups.
You're worried you didn't wire the card house with enough explosives. You really don't want a repeat of that botched domino row job.
You watch the nuns place your anonymous valentine on the altar's offering dish. A puff of flame, and it's gone. You sense a divine blushing.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/52895621330/game-title - Today's GIF uploaded wrong so it wasn't looping correctly. This is fixed.
You open the snake temple's holy book. The verses involve snakes doing interesting things to a person with your name. A creepy coincidence…?
"Easy question: what's a thousand plus a thousand? You probably said "a million zillion", right? In fact, it's 2000 - yes, like the year!"
"To beat this boss, you'll need lots of strength points (the videogame kind) and mana points (the real-life kind) to survive its attacks."
At least being uppercutted so hard you blast up through each floor of this building means you get to scare a ton of desk workers on the way.
In 2012, Time Magazine included her in its "100 Most Inexplicably, Incomprehensibly Powerful and Unaccountable People in the World" list.
"Look, I don't know what you are or why you exist, but I find your presence challenging and thought-provoking, and hope you'll keep it up."
"An untidy wizard's maid is a perilous job. Idly discarded hexes everywhere! Even a fork may have a forgotten raise-the-dead spell in it!"
A fish and a frog reunite - though their lives have gone different ways since tadpolehood, they act like old friends for each other's sake.
"People are being positive to the end, joking about how much they love peanut butter, even as the brown tide engulfs them… Truly inspiring…"
"I'm sorry if you thought that last puzzle was the end. It was only shaped like "THE END" for mechanical purposes. You still have 71 to go."
"Soon we'll have a highway of commuter rockets from Earth to the Moon! Our ancestors only dreamed of a sky filled with peak hour gridlock!"
This Wikipedia page is perhaps reading a little too noble a sentiment in its subject.
Unable to find a gun for themselves, the BulletBots must resort to dashing at their target's shoes and headbutting their ankles murderously.
You laugh as they drive away, leaving you neck-deep in cement. There's a storm in 2 hours, and when this cement gets wet again, you're free!
"If electronic mail was made to make life easier, why must the electronic glue on the electronic stamps taste like a burning static shock?"
As you slowly turn invisible from the skin inward, you hear cooing noises from your organs –finally, they behold the wondrous outside world.
The remnant trails of a snail duel are on the pavement. Two silver lines jabbing and careening off each other - aggression inscribed.
You open the magic scroll, only to see that bearded old man had inscribed "the magic is that I got paid 90 gold for this rubbish! ho ha ha!"
Monospaced font designers crouched over their desks, faces contorted in grimaces, ruing the existence of the letter M with all their might.
"Bug 02191 "help! i forgot to comment out the 'turn utterly evil' code when I briefly gave the AI admin privileges" changed to WONTFIX."
A blog dedicated to photos of flaccid penises curled up like tiny slumbering creatures in cozy pubic nests.
"Enter a guilty plea," quacks your court-appointed attorney, "the maximum sentence is duckification, and I can assure you it's not all bad."
Thanks to some fiendish kids trying to guess your field's password three times, all your crops were deactivated for six hours today.
Hey, don't kinkshame me, Mozilla Developer Network.
You wake. Your friends undeleted most of you, but some text files overwrote your eyes and mouth. "Minimum system requirements!" you curse.
One of the few websites to contain "media (tree bark)" and "media (fond memories)" styles in its CSS… It's ready for the long haul.
Pinky and Inky still turn blue in their sleep, sometimes, even though it's been decades.
An alien child has just wished upon our sun…! It promptly gathers wish-granting energy by greedily consuming its inner four planets.
"Lean times"… Lacking money for both, families have opted for refrigerators over TVs and divined the news from daily magnet-poetry readings.
"This family began all its golden days with volcano-hot porridge, and I shan't hear a word about this fancy burning-meteor-chunk variety."
The apocalypse has reduced your choice of sword-trainers to an ogrish ex-soldier who yells at you for blinking to his face. Heroism is hard…
"The made-up words the young regent used - spliffo, zockzig, poopick - remained in official dictionaries for centuries out of obligation."
"I knew you'd come to appreciate my replacing my hands with buzzsaws," she smiles as she delicately cuts you out of your wasp-mud encasing.
I'm planning a Twine macro that's the opposite of <<once>> —it displays on second and subsequent passage visits. Does <<later>> sound good?
"No no, these flies filling my eye sockets are just contact lenses, look, holographic… OK that one was real but it's the only one I swear-"
Taking the goblet in your partner's hand and kicking them off the ledge instead of helping them was fun at the time, but now feels immature.
The book's last page is torn out. A note from a librarian assures you no one was saved on that page and the tragic ending wasn't averted.
If you must stay rooted to this spot, feeding this brainweed forevermore, you beg that the weed eats your memories of home and family first.
The ink in your battle banners runs in the heavy rain. Your triumphant painted face melts and bleeds alongside the faces of your own troops.
"Please try!" says the encouraging puzzle game, without any indication of what, or how.
"Please don't carry me to your nest… I'm just a shy little boy who's been plunged into the adventure of a lifetime…I know about friendship…"
The lavish mansion you visited yesterday has been leveled to the ground. It seems someone unplugged it to power a nearby rotating billboard.
"The spaceship's third-class passengers must sadly travel in the form of a condensed nutrient slurry, to be re-solidified after arrival."
A car that's secretly afraid of speed, but powerless to stop its driver from taking it to freeways… Its own engine drowns out its whimpers…
Enemy AI loop forces turn-based strategy battle to last for hundreds and thousands of days - quirky NPC generals age and wither, confused.
Buggy forest tile increases visibility instead of lowering it - intel officers claim "I can see the world in the veins of a single leaf…"
You smack face-first into an invisible barrier. One of the tiny flowers in this patch is actually an NPC. You hear a faint giggle rise up.
"When you surf the global web," said the cyberpunk, "you never know where in the world you'll zap to next." Hence his wearing six compasses.
Supermarket customers are weeping as they confess they have no money, while the cashier is cradling their heads and warmly forgiving them.
"Lean times"… Bankrupted financiers are reduced to selling their upper neck movement, lamenting they'll never hold their heads high again…
Your fairy servant licks her finger and carefully pastes and presses your hangnail back down.
A puddle silently fantasising about raincoated, gumbooted figures flailing and sinking beneath its dark, churning waves.
To find your Javascript Library Name, simply take a feature from C and add ".js" to the end. Examples: Stdlib.js, Preprocessor.js, Malloc.js
It's here that you realise you're in the HD remake of this game, and there's another 3 final bosses shoehorned in after your arch nemesis.
So you did drop the Megashard during the dark fortress's self-destruct sequence, but this digging-in-rubble minigame can't take TOO long.
I hope double-jump is eventually remembered as a "weird 00's thing" that everyone fondly laughs about while wondering what we were thinking.
"Due to a bug in causation, dying causes a giant meteor to strike the game world, instead of vice-versa. This trivialised several missions."
"Patch notes: fixed a bug that vastly accelerated the aging process when you used the app. If any of our users are still alive: mea culpa."
The new maid tries to close the electronic curtains on the e-window, but finds herself fruitlessly scrubbing the screen with her palms.
You've been in this teleporter for 20 minutes and it's only managed to zap away the left half of your body. You sigh and open a magazine.
The boss arena's doorway accidentally locks itself on the wrong side, preventing the boss's cohorts from flooding in at a climactic moment.
"A shoe of delicate glass reflects the life of an empire's heir: within its vivid gleam, a dozen stabbing blades lie waiting to appear."
You cut the bomb's fuse, but unluckily the flame's picked up enough speed that it just ramps off one end and lands perfectly on the other.
Your bed has decided you're so tired it can afford to break character just this once. It leaps and gobbles you in one snap of its blankets.
Who can forget that old jingle, "I really hope you buy this, I think it's really swell, I really hope you buy this, this jingle's over now!"
In the final Simpsons episode they get a plane and fly back out through the P in the opening title, escaping their demented universe forever
It's true: she secretly stole all your weight, just so you'd end up cartoonishly running in midair when she 'accidentally' unshackled you.
"I'm an expert on recryption," sneers the cyberhackwarriorlord, pumping his cracksploitgun with glee, "and yes, that's a pun on 'crypt'."
"There's only so much cyber- I can put into this setting," sweats the author. "I've burnt through my synth-, data- and e- prefixes already!"
You seduced the enemy spy, slid down her clavicle and licked her datalocket - but little did your tongue expect such bitter secrets within!
Secret Leon tip: when one of my tweets contains a five-digit number, try checking my tweet count! OK, hope that helps you beat this dungeon!
"I assure you" our leader continues, "that these 12,000 barrels of human blood are the actual final tribute our supervisors will ask for."
Your party's wizard unfurls the electronic scroll, only to discover that due to a font conflict, the mystic runes are replaced with Arial.
It's nice of this big dragon to offer you the key on its tongue, but when you try and grab it, it moves further and further into its mouth!
"We spent one hundred million dollars on this tank shaped like a tyrannosaurus, and you're telling me it's only the boss of World 1?!"
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/52574765576/the-legend-of-zelda-the-minish-cap - It's interesting how it has a silly shield tutorial just so Link can then use it ineffectually in this cutscene.
The good news is that this ancient deathtrap chamber has stopped filling with water. The bad news is that it's started filling with flour.
You realise too late that the spies must've rigged this MassageBot to give you a shoulder-rub so relaxing that you'll sigh out your ghost!
In metro ruins, an ArrestBot holds you against the wall while it waits for backup that will never come. Is this literally your last stand???
I like how the "bird emoticon" :> conveys a subtly different kind of affection and warmth than the "cat emoticon" :3.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 - All accusations that Twine games can't be high culture will be laid to rest with my latest CSS stylesheet.
Catburglary game where score is "years convicted should you be caught". Each gem adds months… A painting adds a decade…Ha! The law is folly!
An art tanker overturned on the highway… Catburglars are swarming… Sanitation officers are stopping it contaminating the pop-culture supply…
The war reparations your kingdom owes include your clothes, payable immediately– but your servants wrap themselves around you as you depart.
Sometimes you want to pretend you're a queen, and sometimes you want to pretend you're stoically surrendering your kingdom to another queen.
Computers are easier to understand if you mentally substitute every instance of the word 'mode' with 'mood'.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 - New Twine CSS stylesheet, inspired by adventure/Ren'Py games, which lets you provide a 'scene image' to passages.
"All the contestant has to do is walk out of the death course with their $100,000. But if they need first aid kits… they're $10,000 each."
You're trying to discreetly torrent pirated cattle, so you're trying to ride just close enough to the stagecoach to steal its WiFi.
Your L1 Jacket refuses to be unequipped and replaced with your L2. It tries to cajole you by adding "+10,000 Comfiness" to its stat page.
You enter the next chamber. It's empty except for the words "FLATTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE" on the far wall. "Well?" says the tinny voice.
"W-wait," says the coat rack, "you left this on me!" Its first day as furniture - it still believes, furtively, that it is a misplaced tree.
She sheds her clothes, her outline, and finally her colours. You embrace the negative space left by props and speech balloons around her.
Her first punch sends your head sailing across the ring, stretching your neck to ridiculous lengths. You gulp. It takes twelve seconds.
"Little do you know," laughs the boss, "that losing is my dump stat! Har har!" Neither you nor the rest of your party knows what this means.
Just what is so special about Dark Pokémon that all Psychic attacks do zero to them??? This mystified and bothered me as a teen.
http://autofish.net/temp/drawings/dw3_drawings01.png - Sooo apparently there really are enemies in Dragon Quest 3 called "Darth Bear" and "Catula" and this isn't made up.
Tiny surgeon fairy slips into your incision and straddles your heart… The price of illegal fairy surgery is unscrupulous organ seduction!!
The tiny headbeasts express love with headbutts… By placing their heads in your chest at high speed, they put their very souls in your lap…
Bump 'n' Jump.
I love love love this page from @emilyterrible's @BenignKingdom art book.
Sometimes, the inability to fully apprehend a scene, the negative space between words and understanding, is itself erotically charged.
It's customary before cyberbattle to give the circuitlord first pick of prosthetics - the glitteriest armknives and daintiest synthfingers.
"If all this gold hadn't been sentenced to life imprisonment under the ground, jailbreaking them with these pickaxes wouldn't be so hard."
"When a Forkies uses a special attack, a smaller Forkies in the bigger Forkies' mouth can be seen in the animation."
Very important combat alert.
#IPlayed Gamma Bros. It's interesting how its level structure feels diffuse - it's hard to tell where you are in relation to milestones.
Gunstar Heroes looks like this every 30 seconds.
One weird thing you can do is the "shot put jump", where you throw the ball forward, and the chain yanks you through the air after it.
You can either drag the ball on the ground, slowing you down, or you can pick it up, where it just eats up your inventory weight quota.
In NetHack, there's a "curse" where you get a ball-and-chain on your leg. It's impressively humiliating, despite not being that big a deal.
Now that I think about it, I'm suddenly sad Bottle Grotto wasn't a "fun with BowWow" dungeon with Chain Chomp-oriented puzzles and traps.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/52406989601/the-legend-of-zelda-links - There has to be a cheat code that lets you bring BowWow into the dungeon so it can eat everything.
You grovel before the Queen, and cast Defense Down and Attack Down on yourself several times to ensure you are properly debased before her.
https://twitter.com/webbedspace/statuses/165321631995142144 - Kind of sad Twitter's not showing thread views for one-year-old tweets - I remember this thread being interesting.
"Eviscerata is an anti-humanist sans-survival typeface used by the ConquerBots to crush humanity's fonts as easily as they crush our bodies"
I found out the name of that font I was wondering about earlier: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnold_Böcklin_(typeface)
http://25.media.tumblr.com/c1b228f988173b2f3a2aaeebcdc0f7e8/tumblr_mo12joinYj1qhttpto3_1280.jpg - Wondering if @madamluna has any idea what the devil is going on here. (Source: http://www.icaso.net/)
Now this is just fighting dirty.
One HTML tag I'd like to see more often in Twine games is <abbr>, just for attaching very tiny asides to specific words.
Coaxing the boulder in front of the skeleton cave to roll back before they escape. Cajoling. Tickling its undersides with frantic chiseling.
You enter the last chamber. You see piled gold offerings, me, and a basalt altar. >EXAMINE ME Very well: you look succulent and delicious.
She opened the skylight to let the rain in, then closed it again to keep it from leaving. She dwelt in cold while clear skies shone above.
You hope you can pass the entrance exam to be admitted to this elite hospital that wants only the best of the best.
"Every hundred thousand years, a bunch of intense platforming levels return to conquer Earth… And the last time was 99,999 years ago…"
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/52327331814/super-mario-world - Weird how this sole GIF I knocked together at the last minute ended up on Tumblr's #gaming mainpage.
HTML5 may soon catch up with Flash in the area of website elements that beep and flicker into being as wireframes and white rectangles.
Opera very occasionally misanimates my GIFs: the further adventures.
She took her wedding bouquet down to the ocean, where it was needed most. Into the waves it went - a shoal of hermitcrabs found its petals.
You're near the end of this road tile. Ahead, cars vanish into the animation seam between it and the on-ramp tile. You close your eyes.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5452 - Twine patch that (hopefully) lets you use HTML tags anywhere, and interleave them with regular Twine syntax.
http://web.archive.org/web/20000301085632/http://www.donkeykong64.com/high/standby_3.swf - Kind of apropos that this is the only SWF from the original DK64 website that the Wayback Machine saved.
A more winning strategy I never did see.
What if a Samus/Mega Man fusion resulted in the loss of both arm cannons, producing a character reduced to throwing, rolling and sliding.
"'Body horror' is a bit strong," she replied. "I prefer 'body whimsy', or 'body surrealism' to describe my hideous biotech experiments."
"Human needs 3 glasses of sleep and 8 hours of milk a day," recites the tinny voice as the hatches open and white cascades into your cell.
You've been at this casino for an hour and all the games involve fully burying the players in piles of dice, cards or chips. Is this… legal?
Being splattered by a knocked-over fruitcart is one thing, but now you must get home without being mistaken for a smoothie… and being drunk!
http://www.redpotiongames.com/games-2/camel-tetris/ - This game still has my favourite game over music.
http://gigidigi.tumblr.com/post/52272207350/akaemmybelle-asked-you-can-you-post-the-full Seeing this Cucumber Quest page without the balloons feels weird, like seeing beyond the edges of a 3D videogame map.
"The keywords "DESTROY" "DEMOLISH" "EVISCERATE", "MANGLE" and "PULVERISE" in this document should be interpreted as applying to humans."
Knowing there's more computing power lining your legs and covering your chest than there is brainpower in your head is oddly comforting.
A fully-grown tree feels melancholy that their seedhood dream of seeing behind the horizon was foiled by the appearance of more horizon.
Wizards forced by pop culture to stuff their sleeves with exploding glitter charges whenever they do performance magic in public.
The flies swarming around your head are all outcasts too - giant fruit-flies, monochrome bees, propeller-assisted flyborgs. They trust you.
The one thing about jQuery I find weird is being able to call ten lines of Javascript a "plugin".
"Can you believe someone paid money for this? You know, money, the vital cosmic energy without which we explode in a fireball of blood? Ha!"
Twitter I know you were founded in '07 but you've had ample time to get this out of your system.
I can't really feel annoyed at this particular abandoned account https://twitter.com/___________
Your tiny spy robot not only copied the papers, it helpfully sorted all the words into alphabetical order! You wearily pat it on the back.
You lazily drift in orbit. The phrase 'visible from space' is meaningless to your cyborg eyes. You leer at cute pedestrians in five nations.
"I snuck onto the island, taped to the wing of your private jet! …You didn't see me since I was painted blue. That's the colour of the sky."
Game that comes packed with a save file that, when played, plunges you in medias res in the middle of the game, with no lead-in or context.
"KILL: obviates need to breathe in the target. Also eliminates food, sleep, warmth and love requirements. A powerful buff - use sparingly!"
Now everyone's playing English Country Tune, I can finally uncork these jokes about Half-Sided 1. *opens jar, takes paper reading 'it hard'*
"In this lumpy four-legged platformer, Alice the ex-camel snorts and runs over 8 worlds in pursuit of her hump-napped humps. Go, Alice, Go!"
Well obviously evil petrification curses just bounce off Link - I mean, it stands to reason.
The "queen" was asked how she punishes cute spies. Bottom one whispered "put em on a roundabout and keep it spinning so they can't get off".
This queen is just three princesses standing on their shoulders. The middle one is stealing bites from the other queens' plates, even!
"Dear heroes," reads the printout, "please stop returning my own bombs to me. I didn't drop them by accident. I want them to kill you >:3"
Listening to the English Country Tune soundtrack is nice. I hope @increpare puts it on his bandcamp page.
A good deal of the creepiness in OFF's "The Room" world is in its use of pixelated transitions - the suggested discontinuity between rooms.
The Pokémon moves that involve items have great one-word names. "Covet". "Pluck". "Bestow". "Embargo". "Incinerate". "Switcheroo".
I like how Pokémon moves have really succinct picturesque names, like "Roost", "Scald", "Ingrain", "Embargo", "U-Turn" or "Trump Card".
Wondering how many people assumed that the 3 characters in Triad were @auntiepixelante, @ellaguro and myself.
Your eyes are overwhelmed by what's going on in front of them, and roll into the back of your head. Your mouth shyly widens to sneak a peek.
"Did you know that some people have a third nipple on the inside of their chests that their organs can strum when they're feeling lonely?"
Their plan to pay every private eye in the city to tail each other had the unintended side-effect of helping them all find love.
Force-fed Hearty Cake by a glitched inventory menu… its +100 HP keeps you from dying, but its sense-overloading taste keeps you from living…
Those sky bloopers in 1-3 of Lost Levels are canon and I shan't hear a word otherwise.
The only Super Mario Bros. level I gave a nickname to as a kid was 6-2. I called it "Bowser's Flower Garden."
"These ant civilisations took so long to build their ant dungeons, and you just chop 'em up and sift through the dirt for gold. Some hero."
"Police, police!" "What's going on?!" "Someone's stolen all the humour… from these tweets!!" *guffaws all around, I'm led away in handcuffs*
Lying in a matchbox, cuddling the matches one by one, dangerously running a fingernail along their heads - playing with the thought of fire.
"Awwwww, look how excited you were to unlock that mode! You just couldn't keep yourself together. Aren't you adorable?"
I want a score-attack game that lovingly condescends you when you finally pass an unlock milestone and then immediately die afterward.
"YOU HAVE PASSED THE TEST," reads the screen. "Prepare for PIPE REALITY." A polygonal plunger leaps out, sucks your face and drags you in.
Pipe Dream game where the quality of new pipe pieces degrades until it's just bendy straws and kitchen funnels.
All your shareware has expired. Beefy repo cursors barge in and drag the icons to an email attachment to send them back to the authors.
Fiddling with the water level colours is fun.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/Myriad-crumbletext_0.html - OK, I fixed this CSS demo so it works on Firefox, I think.
OK, the real reason I made Everywhere At Once was to try and write code this complex that was still sorta readable.
A series of nested dollhouses, each tended to by a child doll, and each grander and more sumptuous than the one containing it.
They're watching you.
But seriously I actually would like to play a malevolent AI story that solely manifests through a Bastet-style puzzle game piece generator.
"Slowness Booster: walk at max slowness for 30 mins to enter hyper-sluggishness, where you can bump into walls instead of bursting through."
"Thanks for envying me… But truth be told, I fly over the rainbow each day to get to work… Nothin' special… It's a bit of a drag, in fact…"
"So you got immortality from your school graduation wish? …Neat! I got the world's tastiest ice-cream sandwich! And I ain't swappin' it!"
An odd thing about @Undertale is how subversive and iconoclastic it feels for an RPG NPC to touch you, to hold you.
"Remember, doing drugs is like updating the most important firmware of all…" *taps mannequin's head* "…your noggin!"
"In the final town, it's revealed you have also been controlling a small boy, who's been running into his bedroom wall the whole game."
"The role of the entire world will be played by your computer."
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/Myriad-crumbletext.html - Oh no, this frail Twine's crumbling away at the merest touch!
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/Myriad-wavytext.html - The highly seductive gyrations of this CSS animation demo ensnare you in an erotic stupor.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/TwineCSS-colourwave.html - This garish CSS animation example may cause your computer to overheat.
"Due to prior sponsor deals, it's also called the Jazzpop Refreshment Pit, the Big Fiscal Cash Cave, and the Ace Life Insurance Death Hole."
This uses my "apply CSS to each letter" script http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5430 The CSS itself is on the page now.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/Myriad-lighttouch.html - Run your fingers (that is, your mouse) over this Twine CSS demo.
The king's goldhog bounty was only awarded for dead hogs, until, to his glee, the only ones alive in the kingdom were in his royal reserve.
"The brickbrowsers, finding plundered gold on corpses, believe it to be a malevolent metal that slices and breaks the flesh of its bearer."
"The slugserfs are hospitable hosts, but you must resist their persistent attempts to 'heal' your 'cleft end' by sewing your legs together."
(That was a joke. The piece generator is just random and any appearance of deliberate antagonism is but the product of a humiliated mind.)
#IPlayed Stickets. I'm interpreting this as the most abstract malevolent AI story ever told.
I really hope @marras6 comes back ;_;
"Let the good times role!…" *tilts box to show bored kids* "…playing game."
#IPlayed Treatise by @increpare. http://www.increpare.com/2010/11/treatise/ It feels uncharacteristically rarefied and text-heavy - like an RPG Maker game.
"Doctor I'm obsessed with stories of falls from Eden, of yearning for a lost time that will never return." "When did this begin?" "Puberty."
#IPlayed My Favourite Island by @whisperbat https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3549705/My%20Favourite%20Island.html I think I have a soft spot for "fall from Heaven" narratives.
"Games often bend the source mythos for the sake of fun– eg. the Santa Clause games exaggerate the legend that cookies heal Santa's wounds."
"Game critics agree the hack changing the Donkey Kong Country game over screen to say "My Kongdolences" has finished Rare's incomplete work"
A chain made entirely of other chains' weakest links… A heartbreaking work of sculpture… The critics are dehydrated from excessive weeping…
There were a lot of 90s shareware "dingbats" fonts that were just a bunch of arbitrary vector images strung together.
The hero is miffed when his question "how do I beat these spikes" is answered with "DON'T BE TOUCHING EM" in increasingly exasperated tones.
You sound the fire alarm. Immediately, all the spikes in the pit climb out and bolt for the exit. So long, suckers!
Photoshop messed up tomorrow's GIF and accidentally turned one frame into a partial anaglyph.
"Unfortunately, the early attempts to market Weird Twitter using the slogan "420 more like 140" were a dismal failure."
"Yeah, you're too late to stop me blowing up your planet after all. If you want a new purpose in life, my shoulders are destined for a rub."
"All I'm proposing," said the supergeneticist, " is that maybe the normal human head-body ratios are too limited for the modern world."
Your SynthSword's sharpness generator splutter and runs out of gas. Its blade shudders and sproings back into a wobbly gelatinous rectangle.
Fortunately, the giant boulder chasing you has gotten winded and has to sit down to catch its breath, giving you just enough time to escape.
You wake up to find your upper and lower teeth have decided to find new partners. Your incisors are awkwardly clinking against your molars.
#IPlayed Little Father Time http://www.freeindiegam.es/2013/05/little-father-time-john-candy/ I like the eerieness of RPG Maker NPCs that make an odd sound instead of a dialogue box.
How fiendish this space sorceress is, that she so callously tosses her antimatter coat into thin air, and forces you to dive and catch it!
I like that the Monstermama character in Super Mario RPG, who's the matriarch of the monsters in Monstro Town, is just an ordinary Toad.
The sizzle and crack of two energy shields intersecting… The closest two InfantryBots can get to a kiss… And yet, sparks fly nonetheless…
"Hello! I'm a sign. The coders didn't put text on me, so if you read me, you'll crash the game. Please don't! :o" — sign next to other sign.
"Put our house back on the ground this instant!" she shouts at the thing outside. Suddenly, the sky starts to move and you feel weightless.
"Ho ho ha! Your biggest mistake was being born into a world that contained me: Rapier Knight Lv.2!" shouts five palace guards in unison.
"SPOOK TENT: Restores party's HP/MP, but there's a Dracula painted on the inside, so when you wake, you'll get the Spooked status effect!"
"Warning: playing lots of music files at once with the volume muted may cause your computer to swell up and explode in a torrent of noise."
"You can skip the boss battle, but only if you cede to the Lava Golem's demand to have the game's title changed to "Lava Golem Is Great"."
It's also an experiment to make a "traditional" parser-style IF puzzle in Twine, inspired by Rematch and All Things Devours and all that.
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Everywhere_At_Once/ - New Leongame, "Everywhere At Once". This is a fan game of an old silly gag-a-day webcomic I used to read.
It seems this elite squad of robot assassins is running out of talent. That last guy was clearly just a welding arm lowered in on a rope.
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