Leon's Microblog – July 2013

"You've got the odds of a sneeze in a cyclone. A hiccup in a hurricane. A fart in a flood. A zit-pop in a blizzard. A smooch in a tsunami."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sesame_in_Hainan_-_05.JPG - It's kind of peculiar seeing sesame seeds in their natural state. Like seeing a pod of sprinkles or coconut shreds.
"…and I'll continue saying what I believe until the Devil himself lassos my feet and lowers me squawking into his smoky Hadean cook-pot!"
Thinking of how the Braid mechanic could appear in a Mr. Driller / Tombed style game. Using brief rewinds to desync descending sawblades…?
I feel kind of relieved that the game literally named "Super Puzzle Platformer" is actually a falling block / Mr. Driller style arcade game.
The jeweler tosses handfuls of rubies into a tub of molten gold for yet another prince's birthday tiara… Bung in some emeralds too, why not.
"Humanity, having decided fortunes were too easy to obtain, promptly invented the Four Evils: lotteries, wills, tontines and game shows."
Due to a teleprompter malfunction, the newsreader has been biologically merged with a housefly. You see nothing amiss with this scenario.
Game where you're a newsreader that, due to a teleprompter mishap, must quickly extrapolate the entire day's news from items in the studio.
"Worms are down, birds are up, and tree roots are holding steady. Those aren't puns, they're actual commodities. Please believe me."
Hacking vending machines is always risky - pretending you're buying 20 sodas while sliding a bagful of ones and zeros into the coin slot.
A serpent silently slithers out of his sleeve, sheds two drops of venom on the space awaiting his signature, and slithers back up again.
"How do you tell the mirror that you're really not feeling better, but are just practicing your smiles to remember what they look like?"
Videlectrix presaged the indie game instruction manual craze in '05.
"Bishops may change square colours once per game by 'excommunication' - being physically pushed horizontally or vertically by the king."
"If a knight jumps over an enemy knight, the opponent may say 'I intercept', causing both knights to clash in midair and defeat each other."
"The last pawn to move off starting rank is 'the Cowardly Vassal', and is not permitted to move into a position of danger the whole game."
"The emergency sensors have detected a high number of emergencies in your chamber, and the un-unlockable locked exit has become available."
One of your great-granddads had his margin-bottom set to 2 metres, and your family had to cope with constantly floating in the air since.
The fireball slams into you, encasing you in solid ice. "This magic system is starting to get ridiculous," you shout as smoke pours off you.
"If you've ever wondered what it's like to be a vital dam log," say the door-to-door beavers, "we have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."
She must've sent you to the plane where lies take physical form just to see you try and wriggle out of your flustered denials of love! Ooh!
"That ends tonight's programs. Time for your TV to gently lull itself to sleep." *plays lullabies until the volume and brightness drop to 0*
Under cover of darkness, hooded figures slink into a nondescript building for the Doesn't Get Isometric Videogames Society's first meeting.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 - I felt sad, so I made another sillyridic Twine stylesheet to feel better. Here it is.
Nope - even after you unscrew your hands and blow into the connectors, you still can't get your fingers to type out this email.
Toil as a substance excreted by the body alongside blood and tears… gritty black liquid oozing from the hands, a day's work barely a cupful.
The occupants get the sense that repeatedly pressing the elevator's 'do not explode' button may not actually be doing anything.
"Any Vine which does not abruptly end with the filmer being seemingly devoured by a lion is not using the medium's full potential."
Someday I'll open my shower curtain and a skeleton will be there. Then time-travel-prankster-me will give victim-me 6 hrs of aftercare hugs.
"I'm sorry." "For what?" "For this." *sneezes a thick vine of viscous snot into their face, curling around it cruelly like a mucus bolas*
"It's 2013. We launch rich criminals into the sun if they pay for the execution, but we haven't made porn that still works when you're sad."
"Our company name is "x t . i", to show you that we cross the T's AND dot the I's."
"Dawn of Time: Prometheus stole fire from the gods. 2013 AD: X-Tech Technologies stole the X-91 Rayslicer from your enemies' nightmares."
"I think you can tell from context which of my tweets end with a lavish cape-swish and scornful laughter to make the planets blush."
"Those wondering how a mermaid wizard can cast a magic fireball spell underwater have not paid attention to one of the adjectives."
"The sport is dismissively referred to as "horse polo" by those who partake in its richer variant, which is played atop robotic dragons."
"Most human fears about the procedure are due to the fact that a human body, once flattened like a pancake, normally cannot be re-inflated."
Sitcom cast's successful get-rich-quick scheme goes awry when they're sued for singing "We're in the Money" by the copyright holders.
I've been drafting a list of 'most common/easiest Twine tech questions' here: http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5416 Any further suggestions are welcome.
"The avg. selling price for games is steady at $50, and the stealing price at $0, despite the industry's "Theft Plus" pay-to-pirate system."
"When you hear 'computer guts', what comes to mind first? Yes, transistors!" *footage of workers pouring buckets of 'em into desktop towers*
Gymnastics-obsessed sergeant orders troops to forward-roll into battle…"bowling-balls cast merrily into the teeth of Death" said the papers…
"I Know…"
Express Lane! 1.2. These educational games are harsh.
I'm glad this old 90s Mac shareware CD had a copy of the HyperCard stack "Kangaroo Court".
"This tweet took 120,000 favs to make and only grossed 96,000 favs worldwide… It's a grim day for your studio."
I want to talk about @smestorp's Helix, but then I'd be boasting about playing an unreleased iPad-only game and I'd have to unfollow myself.
"Don't worry! We're good at microsurgery!" says one of the ant medics. "We'll just take a few grams of your severed arm's flesh as payment."
The ruffian jams his crowbar between the gears in your mechanical brain. Your mind literally grinds to a halt, frozen in an instant of fear.
I dreamed that a climate science professor put his undergrad class on an ark to escape rising sea levels, whereupon he ruled tyrannically.
This Pokémon name pun fortunately survives into English too. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=32845378)
You can't find the treasure until you buy the last square of the map, even though you can see in the shop menu it's got empty ocean on it.
Prehistoric fairies roamed ancient skies, raining hot stardust from giant wings, granting wishes to whichever T.rex offered the most meat.
"The government spent $30m on a study to prove ducks' quacks can echo. Admittedly it earned $40m from the results, but what if it hadn't?"
"Forget the Time Attack… give me the Time Embrace." *throws arms around rising timer as it passes the current record and turns angry red*
I wish there really was a secret passage in the upper-left.
"You're feeling alert, your energy is up, and for the first time in weeks, you love life! But wait! Have you remembered to Think About Her?"
http://gunshowcomic.com/700 - Reminder that I really like The Dog's Sins.
This Darius joke is extremely obvious but I'm glad a bunch of people made it anyway. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=11296976)
The words you only use in your internal monologue - that only your mind hears in your voice.
The dragon slumbers on a pile of hard drives - a century's worth of torrents! Surely it wouldn't miss this one little bloodsoaked USB stick…
You commit the spell to memory. You once tried committing them to your smartphone's memory instead, but that one time you butt-casted Fireba
In your first term you traded half of Earth's water for 4 billion tons of holographic cards, and no mere sex scandal can take that from you.
"This is a controlled environment. Were you to try this crate puzzle in the wilderness, there wouldn't be this grid keeping them lined up!"
"You're dead meat! I'm gonna turn you into raviloi!" she cries, silently hoping that the ravioli-making process is indeed violent.
"A font containing only capital A… rendered in so distinct and unique a style, the designs of the other letters are instantly deducible."
"Attention human race: having shot 3 of your ships with no continues, we are thus declaring victory." *closes comm, pumps fist* "YES!"
"It was the eighth day of the eighth month of the eighth hour… Time works differently in space."
"100MB…" breathed Gizmo, "enough space to digitise a planet." "Yes! And with this fiber-optic wormhole, we could upload it in space-hours!"
She had one corner of her royal bath filled with iridescent slime, so she could have a slime bath halfway through her water bath.
"Lean times"… Manor-lords have to uniform their maids with t-shirts with aprons printed on them… Their caps are just painted on their hair…
"I must inform shoppers that those minus signs next to the 'percent off' mean you must pay more. We're hiking prices and celebrating it."
"Vote for me," says Candidate 24, his slot-machine head glittering. "I'll make it worth your while." Up next is 25, his bicep head flexed.
"If we can't repel the aliens… this is what will happen to Earth!!" *dribbles globe on the carpet, slam-dunks it into war room wastebasket*
"It's okay to not know how to push us onto those pressure plates," murmur the crates. "We still love you. But keep trying until you do, OK."
"She took the verb 'shuffle' from the deck of cards… and applied it to my genitals."
"We use gravity to slingshot past Mars, catapult around Jupiter, trebuchet over Saturn, and howitzer past Neptune - standard space sailing."
Mild-mannered fourth sub-boss, dreaming of being the game's infamous difficulty spike, miffed to see that honour go to the third sub-boss.
Each psychosoldier carries a real pistol. If one spies Death in a dream mission, the others can shoot them before they babble his true form.
I'm imagining the day they increase the tweet character limit… Every human being on this site collectively flipping out. Unthinkable chaos.
I like that this SCP entry gets to the point immediately.
The vending machine releases your soda at the exact moment the artificial gravity fails. Now you're down 3 bucks AND down-upside. Peachy!
I don't think modern games still feel a necessity to ground their basic mechanics, to specify how much organ failure 2HP corresponds to.
The HL games have so many tiny garnishes and mannerisms to suggest this 90s FPS Guy has an existence outside of 12 guns and 2 health bars.
The Half-Life HEV suit's tendency to translate hit point loss into specific physical injuries is something I find kind of weird and jarring.
I think @smestorp should follow up Game Title: Lost Levels with Game Title 2 (just one of his other games with the player sprites swapped).
"How To Stay Friends With Both Sides of a Messy Breakup For Dummies" was broken into "8" pieces and sent to dungeons. None have rejoined it…
Cartoon villains relishing the thought of negative things… "Misery!" they salivate. "Torture! Heartbreak!" Their eyes roll back. "BETRAYAL!"
"Yes, I love the night sky - all the fiery stars blazing away, their soot darkening the blue ceiling above…" nervously bluffs a cave dwarf.
For maximum effect, I recommend doing that before visiting some of your favourite webcomics. Recent Cucumber Quest pages are good.
Chrome users, please momentarily paste the following CSS code into your Custom.css file: http://l.j-factor.com/misc/webkit-hue-rotate.css
Budget Divination Sources for the Poor Young Witch: * Plughole hairs * Repeated digits in tweet IDs * Shapes formed by pinched elbow skin
"I love being in a computer," says the newly compiled robot AI. "So warm and cozy. No noise, no damp… Please don't upload me into it today."
This game of Chess could win you your freedom, but only having your left foot untied to move your pieces is making it jolly intense!
You can only spy her wrist, but its every flick and wriggle tells you exactly what her hand is doing.
"That's where I keep my exes," - you hear faint ribbits - "and there's my current bfs!" - you hear deafening croaks and vast thumping hops.
You try to imbibe the back-in-time potion, but the first swallow sends you back to before you swallowed it. A truly frustrating beverage.
I hope everyone's waiting patiently for @smestorp's turn-based hack-and-slash cyber-dueling game, 868-HOGG.
"The following content is blocked: filth pics, carnage smut, gunk fic, depravity porn, adult cartography, crass files, explicit megabytes."
I think the main advantage this 'block' style of macro coding has is that it obviates the line breaks issue in a hopefully intuitive manner.
Possible macro block shorthand?? If you place each macro on its own line, the double-chevrons could be omitted…
Under the new aquatic regime, the sky and castle worlds are forced to use sand tiles and parallax palm tree backgrounds… Sheer indignity…
A humble water level that unexpectedly usurps the rest of the levels and takes over the whole game, replacing all jumping with swimming.
"Warning: prolongued exposure may be hazardous to health" painted on the eye-facing part of your nose, with an arrow pointing outward.
"Burning Guts": this foe's intestines glow through their skin with inner flame. All combat stats identical to the "Non-Burning Guts" enemy.
Another rough mockup of possible Twine 2 syntax, involving a hypothetical <<with>> macro.
News program where every single report ends with the reporter biting into a huge burger while signing off.
"This sociologist has been studying the tiresome tome for 3 weeks… She longs to go outside and play, but struggles on for humanity's sake!"
"This man claims his book solves all problems one could encounter in life… but its prose is so dense that no one can last more than a page!"
You receive an odd letter. You open it… It's all those emotions you thought you'd wasted on that last relationship! They finally came back!
Mockup of a passage from @smestorp's Scarfmemory, redone using new experimental syntax I'm working on for Twine 2.
You can tell your mission has become deadly serious because the alien ships in this wave have arranged themselves to spell "GIVE UP !!".
The stairs bend to her will. The steps rise up to foil your descending feet, and knobs appear on the banister to hit you as you slide down.
You watch the pitcher. Will it be a fangball? A laserball? They say half of batting is mind games. You psychically imbibe his mental scent.
"Occasionally the wheels that keep the sky rotating get clogged with clouds. Just tear off a strand of the north wind, and floss them out!"
"I wouldn't even jump in your mouth if you crapped superheroes."
Writing multi-paragraph commit messages at 4:13AM… I'm living the dream. *soft rock starts playing; the sun comes up to give me a high five*
You've never laid in a bed in your life, let alone hid in a Queen's. Your body violently rejects its alien softness, smothering your senses.
If you're wondering, I believe the point of having an invisible http:// is so that copy-pasting the tweet's text transfers a functional URL.
Weird - apparently setting the font-size to 0px is not sufficient to hide text in Opera 12.
"Forbidden colours the HTML tutorials can't mention… DarkOrangeBlue, LethalViolet, DraculaGray, AfterlifeBlack… All validators reject them…"
http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=17631 - This person's series of 'girl exploring mushrooms' illustrations is kinda nice.
Exploiting the loophole that any income made while falling at terminal velocity is tax-exempt, businessmen take to well-timed skydiving.
"Your Money Will Soon Be Free" screams the boisterous carnival game marquee, "Of Its Foolish Owner's Feeble Hands."
Too impatient to stop and let the trail of attracted floating bonus items catch up to you, you run them ragged down the halls and corridors.
"Potion's ready," she says, ladling it into your bowl. The bowl changes into a coiled dragon. "Slurp it down, quick, before its claws grow."
You learn the hard way why everyone says not to drink 3 pints of enlarging potion without having prepared 3 gallons of shrinking potion.
It occurs to me that the universal icon for bookmarking could have been a dog-eared page, had it not already been used for 'document'.
"Maybe ghosts work like seat belts, where if you just punch them slowly and gently, it'll connect."
A sequel that's dramatically shorter than its predecessor - one-quarter or one-fifth its size - yet still furthers it in an interesting way.
Fez feels to me like it's 20% of the way to being Yume Nikki, and the other 80% could be accomplished largely through subtraction.
Being sealed in this necklace for 13,000 years was supposed to be a hilarious end to your quest… but you decided it was just the beginning…!
The shopkeeper justifies selling unlabeled cans at twice the cost of most cans by saying "they could have ANYTHING in 'em. Anything at all!"
Hooligans stole the lion carcass below the foot of this pioneer statue, and now the town's crush fetishists are lying under it in lazy bliss
You told the kids they could borrow your power rings as long as they used their powers responsibly… You wash your hands of this catastrophe.
"We cooould solve the riddle inscribed in gold runes on this giant onyx doorway… OR, we camp here until someone comes out and slip in then!"
It occurs to me that I can't recall seeing a #FollowFriday in months. Have we collectively realised we're following enough people by now?
Your daily condensed sunlight ration pours through the hatch, gray powder in your cupped hands. You take it to the basin to add the water.
Hahaha, I just accidentally found the Fez button code that ynuqvqnu znxrf tbzrm syl. I am completely in love with this discovery.
"Sorry about the delay," laughs your doctor as he tries to stretch the head-flesh back onto a patient's skull. "Just keeps slipping off!"
A very weak bomb that barely blows off its casing - apparently a dud… before the smoke clears revealing a smaller, stronger bomb inside it.
The search algorithm walks all over your prone body. It won't say what it's looking for, but it does tell you that you are the worst case.
"They ceaselessly try to ignore the fact that victory is impossible - as unthinkable as blotting out the sun with a single blade of grass."
The tentacle oracle has a tentacle for a head… How will she tell you her prophecy? She reaches for your face… O-oh… What a fearful destiny!
Billionaires are hoarding bananas by the ton… They claim they're just newfound fans of Donkey Kong Country, but what do they really know…?
Regarding @10rdBen's username: at first I thought "Ah, clearly it's '3rd Ben' in binary", but no, that would be 11rdBen.
Grizzled old prospector strikes it rich, retires to mining-themed mansion with shaft hallways, pickaxe archways, pan-scale chandeliers…
You made the novice mistake of boldly somersaulting into the room in low gravity. Three dozen spins later, you start whimpering helplessly.
You think, coiled around your nemesis's wrist, that turning to Slinky form to flee down those stairs would've been amazing had it worked.
"OK, this prophecy makes a lot of references to ancient political scandals, but the bit about four chosen 90s kids is pretty cut-and-dried."
"Sorry about having to bring this thing along…" *points to their entire body* "I know it's a drag, but I couldn't leave it at home…"
You sigh through the bars of your cell. You hope your hero gets captured soon, so you can be together, locked in this tower of darkness.
"How come we have fireball spells, but we don't have a magic leech that slurps up your paranoia-fueled adrenaline so you can finally relax?"
The worst part about very slowly plummeting into her death pit in low gravity is that she's playing sad piano music while it's happening.
The galaxy's largest spike… a kilometre tall, its peak molecule-sharp, constructed by the Queen solely for your execution.
"There are no emails. Anywhere," reports your inbox. "They flew away on a comet in the night, to find a world where people truly want them."
You consult your tour schedule. Rent a bus to the sun, do a few gigs on a rainbow, then return to earth in the first spring rain. Excellent!
"No…! No one could have defeated the Behemoth! Unless… No! The Chosen One?! …Bah! Not even fate can save you! Come… Your quest ends here!"
"Hard to believe the fate of the world rests on these five demon crystals getting blown up… It looks like politics can only go so far!"
You may be stripped bare and chained to a pole, but, you tell yourself, one is never naked when wearing an expression of cool defiance.
What would've been cool in Fez is flipping around and discovering the villagers have no backs, and their innards and guts are fully visible.
The classic pose on the Back to the Future posters made more sense in the universe where people wear wrist-strapped Far Side calendars.
I hope Proteus and Fez's "hyper-saturated pixel Arcadia" art style becomes a Weird 10's Thing we all wistfully remember in decades to come.
The programmer gasped. "This stack trace… you've been seeing ~her~, haven't you?" The program triggered breakpoint 1 at blush_shamefully().
"You can save on food by growing your own megaflowers and sipping nectar for breakfast, but be warned: they WILL attract jumbo bees."
Dragons lowering long sticky strands of fire drool from their mouths, then slurping them back up before they snap and fall on your house.
"The prophecy states that if two cartoon characters with Ed Wynn voices ever meet, unthinkable chaos will ensue."
"To other animals: do not eat me!! I want to live" childishly handwritten on identical sticky notes affixed to dozens of forest scavengers.
Yes, I'm a sucker for colour. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?id=3706458)
Confirmed: the "Yume Nikki" tag on Pixiv has too much Knife and simply not enough Poop Hair.
I'm not likely to use this particular Fez GIF…
Feel free to abbreviate anything hailed as "one of the best games of all time" as "one of the best goats".
Gazing at the circular difficulty menu, unable to judge whether "Crudsplatter", "Now Yer Talkin'!", "Original Sin" or "Hard" is the easiest.
"Maybe the problem isn't that the fabric of reality is disintegrating… but that it isn't disintegrating ~fast enough~."
A huge lock on a wall that only causes triumphant sparkles and ominous music to play when you unlock it, and doesn't actually open anything.
The dungeon map reveals that the only treasure is the chest you found it in… you kneel in shame and curse this impoverished civilisation.
You can't out-wrestle the immortal fighter protecting the Fountain of Youth, but you can taste the fountain's water in their sweat and spit.
Hmmmm.
"A cursed pack of cards that tells you how you'll die… Crushed by two diamonds? Crushed by TEN diamonds? Only the cards know…"
"CONGRATULATIONS. BY CHOOSING ME, THE 3RD SAVE SLOT, TO START YOUR GAME, I SHALL REWARD YOU WITH RICHES AND POWER BEYOND MEASURE."
"The last person alive keeps fighting to survive, so that when the Earth finally explodes, a part of that explosion will be forever human."
"No computer on sale today can show the $ character with two bars. At least," he pauses and grins cryptically, "none at the retail level."
"Death Temple has sat ruined for millenia, but can our renovation crew bring it back up to code AND recruit 20 death-priests in 48 hours?!"
"Roughly translated, it means 'a human curses that Heaven exceeds its arm's reach, yet never gives thanks that its genitals do not.'"
"Pardon me for putting on my director's cap for a second-" *dons folding-chair shaped crown covered in silver clapper-boards* "-but I feel…"
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/55368321882/super-princess-peach - On this screen, tapping the world map makes these little animations occur, like it's a goddamn Hypercard.
Where are the infinite-scroll Web 2.0 sites that start at the bottom and keep scrolling upward forever?
Something about the colours in this that I like. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?id=32707)
"I assure you I have no interest in the 'shrinkpunk' aesthetic, and these giant-size matchsticks and pennies are just leftovers from my ex."
This description feels odd, like it escaped from a Nintendo game.
TOP 8 HTML COLOUR NAMES 1) PapayaWhip 2) Tomato 3) GhostWhite 4) PeachPuff 5) BlanchedAlmond 6) BurlyWood 7) Thistle 8) Bisque
Can we persuade teens to start shortening coincidence to "coince"? It feels like another of those lovely twee 00's words, like "totes".
A tank whose treads imprint the words "S O R R Y" in the mud over and over as it rolls away from the wreckage.
Superman, after Earth's demise, is studied by scientists as a human specimen, and tries to underperform to avoid misrepresenting his people.
You feel ready for a challenge, and flip over to the Extremely Cryptic Crossword. The letters aren't in squares, but tessellating pentagons.
The end times of the electric age… Only a trickle of power enters homes… You can lick a socket all day and your tongue barely tastes a fizz…
Just as you leap off the table to tackle her, she slides a kilometer underneath you. You hit the floor later and harder than you planned.
Choosing which photo to use for her wanted poster is tough. Her vicious smile in this one, her defiant chin in that… how can you pick one?!
"You don't even care that I found purple lava for you to dangle upside down over! You always said you looked good in purple."
Mario hits a beanstalk block. Suddenly, a ton of angels on the lam come sliding down, "thanks buddy", run off into the bushes.
The rising water hesitates as it reaches your thighs.
"The best mouthfeel is tiny kicking and flailing."
You're dashed to pieces on the rocks below. You're dead now, right? >N Really? OK, I guess I really don't know how human bodies work. Sorry.
"Ne'er sully a goblet with the impurity of drink, nor awaken its curse by touching it with mortal lips!" reads the aged tome in 20pt italics
His court historian wrote that he scared his foes so badly, "even their sword-wounds screamed like mouths." This is now considered unlikely.
Those times when you're too lazy to leave your house properly and you just pull it off you and it turns inside-out.
"Destroy the block at the left end of the row," reads the sign. You move a barrel next to it, so there's no longer a block at the left end.
Classic games rereleased with overly florid and laudatory "preface levels" by contemporary designers du jour.
The mermaid-queen only sees visitors at her acid throne-pool. One regal flick of an iridescent tail will wash ingrates in searing litres.
The dragon transformation potion changes you back into a frog afterward, and if you weren't one originally then, well, that's your problem.
You accidentally lock yourself inside the unlockable content. Hopefully you can eat these alt costumes until help arrives and beats level 50
You wish you'd remembered all your nerves shared the same birthday, and it's today, and they all threw surprise parties for each other.
You made it through the entire sawblade gauntlet in one go, but you decide to activate an extra life just to give your quivering self a hug.
Wow, clicking 'Disable experimental WebKit features' in Chrome and hitting 'Relaunch now' managed to instantly blue-screen Windows XP.
Zeno's Gold: magically, you can only ever pick up half the remaining pile. (The secret is to pick it up while drunk enough to see double.)
You're thrown into the wall so hard, all the flowers in the wallpaper get knocked to the bottom. Great. Fixing that won't take utterly ages.
"Humans easily become addled with a kind of madness where they seek out such meaningless and unproductive actions as hugging and caressing."
Rough pseudo-code sketch of a somewhat jQuery-esque scripting thing that could be in Twine.
I just started writing a new Twine game, and 7 passages in, I suddenly thought of a new complex text effect to implement. Coding wins again.
They seem to have cunningly built these walls out of bricks. It's like they _knew_ your escape plan involved bursting through it head-first!
"And you thought this propeller beanie was just for show!" he chortles beatifically, his former bullies seven entire inches below him.
"Even your front hall can be a labyrinth if you have the right mindset."
"No, the researchers are the ones floating naked in the tanks of green liquid… I dunno, they're all health nuts or something."
"Officials apologised to an appalled public over their 250% pay rise, and vow to use a portion of their larger salaries to fight inequality"
For a change, I tried uploading tomorrow's Tumblr GIFs using the Photo option. Twenty minutes of upload errors subsequently transpired.
One thing I like about Super Mario All-Stars's SMB is the off-screen Bullet Bills in 5-3 and 6-3 use a more muffled, distant firing sound.
What if someone made a New Super Mario Bros. game that only used the NES SMB's palette?
It's kinda telling how many renditions of the Super Mario Bros theme omit or neglect its smooth drum beat, presumably to sound "more retro".
"Homeowner Tip: every kitchen appliance has a secret switch labeled "Full power", by which they can be weaponised against alien invaders."
"Citizens unwilling to purchase the $1000/yr Money Registration Fee can only use money for a 30-day trial period, after which it is locked."
Human body prequel movie where Head and Neck go on a road trip and meet the rest of the gang through a series of quirky misadventures.
Another case closed, the detectives celebrate by putting the murder weapon in a little guillotine and lopping off the muzzle.
Just make your TV loop the DVD of a frowning bearded head, build a scarecrow around it, then take it to the polls to get a clean extra vote.
You then proceed to spring the bejeezus out of a trap. Just thoroughly hit the trigger. It's like the trap's birthday and Christmas combined
Sometimes, the world being overrun by endless hordes of self-replicating robot soldiers you designed, built and unleashed isn't your fault.
"What's that? The hero's mentor assigned the Ultimate Attack to the W button? But there is no W button?? …Well, well! Ain't that a pity!"
A little kid rushing to tell their parents they don't need the kettle and teabags - hot water's in the tap and dry leaves are on the lawn.
The ultimate adversary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_ik9mfPT-w - Please tell me that someone's made a soundfont that includes the DKC monkey chatter instrument. This is vital.
What if sentient thought is finite and we run out of the Earth's supply tomorrow
What if carbon dioxide is just oxygen that isn't trying hard enough
What if birds are just dinosaurs that tried to change the system from the inside
I like how the ¶ symbol has conveniently become the icon for 'show invisible ASCII characters'. How could you even design an icon for that?
÷ : U+00F7 'UNFINISHED PLUS SIGN'
As a child it somewhat irked me that × and ÷ were missing from the keyboard, and we were forced to repurpose * and /, like cavepeople.
Augh, I just realised something that's very likely to happen in Cucumber Quest now that it's switched scenes.
☆ LEVEL UP! ☆ - Accuracy went up about 2 and a bit. - Decisiveness went up, then went back down. - Speed went up 1… er, 2… no, wait, 3.
"Relax, I've dispatched my 3 best brain cells to your problem: Cindy Synapse, New Ron, and Action Potential." *pushes you out of the office*
CSS became significantly more interesting to use once I discovered "head { display:block; }".
You forgot to leap into the next month at midnight on the 31st, and now you're trapped in the blank squares at the end of the calendar page.
"What do they do with those unused extra lives when the game ends?" *pan to Mario giving the V sign as he donates 100% of his blood, organs*
The robot soldiers were so efficient that they were quickly promoted to commanding officers, until only the fighting ranks were humans.
Your party lights a bonfire around the giant ogre frozen in ice mid-sword-swing, just to see if she'll complete the swing when she thaws.
Unfortunately for stunt fans, your 50-foot canyon jump has been thwarted by your inability to pedal your tricycle fast enough up the ramp.
Poor souls ensnared by a dark supernatural HTML tutorial beginning with "Time required: 130 years".
"For this recipe you'll need 3, 5, and 8. It doesn't matter what, as long as they come in those quantities."
Foolishly, a palace guard hurls an amphora at the rogue lava golem. A fierce hiss masks their footsteps, and they flee in a cloud of steam.
The serpentgirls then proceed to do something to you that we simply can't print here. (Yes.) (That thing you're imagining now.) (That's it.)
The rusting tower bears a vast hydraulic steel hand, which had been built to stroke and nurture the nation's more vulnerable megamonsters.
Yes, I can't hide it, I'm a little grump who's irked by web design libraries that have "awesome" in their name.
Dodging the huge rolling dice on this giant cosmic board game is tricky - step off your square, and you forfeit Earth to your evil opponent!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feral_chicken - This article is kind of disappointingly short but at least the included picture is cute.
Your party members share the same blood. One person's poison afflicts them all. As does medicine. As does alcohol. As does berserker rage.
"Some kind of reverse Gordon Freeman who can talk but can't fire a gun, and everyone around them acts like that's normal and not peculiar."
I just mentally described mosaic-censoring in a picture as "commented-out genitals."
You open the hatch marked 'fire extinguisher', only to pull out an utterly gigantic pair of candle-flame-pinching gloves.
"During all my tough policy decisions, I have simply asked myself: what would a tiny American child in its mother's arms want me to do?"
An ant on your desk refuses to leave until you surrender control of America to it. You phone for help but it puts a feeler on the receiver.
The moral here, you think as you kill the final boss's head into a dozen homicide shards, is that no one can take away your freedom to kill.
"Think of Blippablop.js as the cherry on WebSploppo's cake, along with jGloboplop's candles, Floblapizer's icing and Bipspipify's plate."
Ever since I found the "Emspace", the extra wide Unicode space character, I feel like my tweets have become so fresh and well ventilated.
I don't know about you, but I'm abandoning hashtags for the eloquence and sophistication of sharptags. ♯carpediem ♯ƒƒ
"You're a hacker. Codes are your guns. Codes are your clothes. You eat codes for breakfast– and they give 100% of all your daily nutrients."
Hypnotising a friend so you can film the spinning spirals in their eyes and use them in your band's experimental "subliminal music video".
Instead of lowering an enemy flag, Mario jumps onto a giant fountain pen and signs an equally large peace accord lying on the ground.
Not so much passed down from father to son as viciously clawed from the gnarled hand of the former at great cost to the latter.
I don't want to be negative, but the "sign of the horns" logo for http://www.html5rocks.com/ is one of the least compelling logos I've seen.
RPG restaurant where you must unlock your cutlery after level-grinding on appetizers earlier in the meal.
You sister's wish for your birthday to become another of hers causes her to grow twice as fast, while you're trapped in third grade forever!
Your party members are trying to stomp the jammed detonator switch as the beast nears the TNT, but are mostly just kicking each other.
"You play with fire—" he clenches his fists, "—you wake a giant—" clenches arms and legs into a superfist, "—you pay the piper." rolls towar
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/36613159196/magical-doropie - I don't think slow boss entrance cutscenes like this were really all that common until at least the N64 era.
"If you stare into the pool, you'll behold your heart's desire… gallons and gallons of fresh blood."
The rationale for this being that if you remember that rule, the order doesn't matter - [[passage name]link text]] is equally valid.
Am idly contemplating a variant Twine link syntax: [[link text[passage name]], where the middle pipe is bent to enclose the name.
#IPlayed Ending http://robotacid.com/flash/ending/ The crisp, crackly sound effects lead me to believe all the entities are actually skeletons.
"Talk about a 'knuckleduster'! This pretty pugilist cleans and polishes his fists, and wears see-through gloves to show them to the world."
"So you're working backstage on a horizontal shmup and have to keep the parallax background layers scrolling correctly. Sounds easy, right?"
As you plunge to your death, your Anti-Falling Amulet teleports you onto the ground - unfortunately, leaving your velocity unchanged.
To evade the state bans of their religion, the vowels of their goddess's name changed every five weeks. She soon grew into a vast pantheon.
"Sure, this control panel looks ridic, but most of these 'self-destruct' buttons are just decoys," she smirks before tapping the real one.
Your horse-sized chickenmount turns its head and pecks at the chicken drumstick in your hand. How adorable, you think to yourself.
"The following list does pretend to be exhaustive, so I must beg you sincerely, dear reader, to not fall for its sinister deception."
She slows the microplane down, letting your wing-clinging arms relax. "I'm not a cold murderer," she says. "We aren't over the volcano yet."
Far up in the royal stand, you barely spy her tiny figure, a gleaming dot. So much of your vision is wasted which doesn't have her in it.
You try attacking just the littlest finger of your invincible foe. Your sword glances off and a tiny "0" hovers up, followed by a tiny ";P".
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/All_Against_One/ - Additionally I updated All Against One to use NN scaling in Chrome and Firefox instead of crummy browser scaling.
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Return_Alive/ - Also I replayed Return Alive a bit and hey, it's still got legs. (But remains a bit too easy, as some have noted.)
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Vertical_Impulse/ - I changed the sounds in Vertical Impulse to sfxr originals instead of clashing rips from various other games.
What we all miss about the period when music came on icosahedrons was the trend of having Side J be just 10 mins of silly knock-knock jokes.
-I think I understand Markdown's emphasis syntax, but it still feels more than a bit counterintuitive in these cases.
You feel as if having one second of happiness per day, wresting just one of the 86,400 out of the grip of gloom, is an unwarranted fortune.
You shouldn't have bought these ticking time bombs at 10 for $3. It's a bargain, but now you're frantically looking for places to use them.
Being the right leg of her living throne for eternity isn't all bad - when she crosses her legs, you behold her supernaturally perfect foot.
Yes, fine, I admit it, I'm kind of upset that someone snagged the "twine" username at Neocities and isn't even doing anything with it.
The giant snail realises you're only trying to hug its cold wet body as a way to beat the heat, and swiftly retracts into its shell.
http://24ways.org/ - This site's visual design doesn't feel less dubious the more I unexpectedly visit it in a search.
Imagine a twitter account suddenly posting again after 100 years of silence.
It's 100 years in the future, and the most popular form of fortune-telling involves website captchas.
You wish you could open this window, then open it again - making the world outside more vibrant, more close, more real.
Now I'm imagining a <marquee> tag upgrade where the letters advance step-by-step and leave a faint afterglow behind them.
http://leonarnott.neocities.org/ - I like to entertain the fantasy that this fade-in-out style is "blink 2.0" - 90s kitsch taken earnestly, sincerely.
"In one game, the contestant is tied and coated in glue, and has to roll around in a vat containing both dollar bills and parking fines."
"If a contestant did win the car, they'd be triumphantly led inside, only for it to comically fall to pieces as the host slammed the door."
"…and the brief "Covered in Hair" segment, where the host dumped buckets of human hair on household objects while ad-libbing wisecracks."
Game idea: the struggle to break out of a public library computer's full-screened catalogue page in order to access Facebook.
You left the door of your getaway car open and some cops leap in and chase you across the seats as your driver meanders through traffic.
#IPlayed Today by @gooseyinthesky http://dev.goose.im/twine/today/
A Kiss is unusual among Twines in how much it channels 90s hypertext: pure nonlinearity, loose connections between pages, diffuse narrative.
#IPlayed A Kiss by @danwaber http://www.logolalia.com/hypertexts/a-kiss.html Hmm… It feels oddly dense, like being lost in a hedge-maze of mental associations.
#IPlayed this Wonder Woman fangame by @cityofdave: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/160198987/Wonderful%20twine/wonderful.html I like how it uses right-aligned text for emphasis.
A pre-post-apocalypse story set during the single, heartbreaking moment when humanity realises these changes are irreversible.
Stomping on your enemy's cliff-clinging fingers has only squashed them flat, improving their grip. You root through your bag for a spatula.
"Every angle is 90. Every option is deadly." —box quote for Death Square 3: Four Corners, No Mercy.
"There are only two of them in the entire game, but they make up for this by launching their fists and cackling incessantly."
"The prison-tower holding the nation's ten most powerful bombwizards has been rocked by a series of mysterious blasts."
http://forums.selectbutton.net/viewtopic.php?t=38089 - If anyone has more examples of these, do tell.
A horde of animate corpses bolts down a dark street, followed closely by a creaking, banging horde of empty animate coffins.
During your hometown visit, you learn the neighbour who kept pushing on his pet dragon's head to try and stop it growing finally got eaten.
Having to scroll down through 65,535 identical "gloom" entries in your emotions menu just to reach "happy" can get a bit tiresome.
This hack comes with specific usage instructions.
Stuffing your original NES in a canopic jar has resulted in it replacing your liver in the afterlife. You look for a knife and an AV cable.
You've been impaled on this spike for 5 hours, and while you'd love to lie down, it seems to be the only thing holding your organs together.
Energy crystals so grimy and chipped they're indistinguishable from rocks– and, now that you're trying to channel their power, probably are.
A catalogue of all your mistakes, written in a language you've never seen, countersigned by all your friends using their secret true names.
I deleted my blogspot blog just now because it only got two posts in five years. I copy-pasted both of them to my Neocities site.
Stashing $5 notes in elaborate treasure cartons around your apartment, guarded by elaborate puzzles like Rubik's cubes and maze pens.
"Hey, I did my best!" squeaks the party's witch. "Cloud of knives, cloud of feathers…When they're ticklish, it's all the same in the end."
Earning credits by cleaning windows on long-abandoned warehouses… In this automated tech-conomy, untended pay algorithms are the new bosses…
Working on some code that may hopefully end up in Twine 2. This is a 'debug stylesheet' that shows macro usage.
"The difference is, this cloning machine will make a deep copy of you, rather than a shallow one." "What does that mean…?" "…Not important."
Nurses advancing on a burger-headed man with syringes of ketchup… A popular indie dream, co-opted by fast food giants' psychovertisements…
My dying wish is to honour my lover with a trail of torn diary pages floridly describing them in breathless, mounting terror.
The snow near the tower has gone centuries untrodden. The beast within can hear your every crunch like a thunderclap. Best say hello now.
The sunset is still beautiful when grainy and dithered, but a small part of you wishes you could afford more than a 16-colour visual cortex.
"They say the soil is so fertile, even your footprints start growing… Pits in a week, valleys in a month… Giant steps your tiny foot made…"
"Listen! Every time I tweet about gorillas, one of my guests becomes a pile of bananas in the night! It is the secret to my immense wealth!"
The only weapon that kills humans… Bullets made of metal instead of sweet delicious chocolate… How ironic that candy is their ultimate bane…
#IPlayed Horse Master http://noncanon.com/HorseMaster.html I like how the stat-building aspect recedes in importance after a couple of rounds.
You're a civil, polite fighter… You bow and doff your hat before each thrust… Your victims bleed to death while dignified by your etiquette…
You're a scholarly, learned fighter… You've pored over the feints of the greats… You follow every slash by shouting a citation… An academe…
You're a precise, methodical fighter… Your blade is marked in centimetres… You scold yourself for slicing even one deeper than necessary…
Your horse quickly takes to the unicycles you fitted to its feet, and soon the wild plains blur like God scrubbing the canvas of creation.
You try to tell the giant over loud guffaws that had they really been a pair of leg-shaped trees, it would've been a genius hiding spot.
The original spell on witches' brooms was just to expel thrust from the head for high-speed dusting. Flight was but a crafty side-effect.
"Since there are no days in space, there are no birthdays either, so it's impossible to grow older. The cryosleep is in case we get bored."
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Tri_Stri/ - If you missed it I updated an old Klik of the Month game where you must rapidly click 3 circles of the same colour.
The hero drops the ice cube into the pool of lava, cooling it back into water. One refreshing swim, and she's on her way to the next puzzle.
You plug the air pump into your force-field bubble and start desperately pumping as the enemy missile drifts closer and closer.
Just before the detective finally names the killer, the radio announces that murder is now legal. Incensed, he instantly departs in a huff.
The bricks of the castle wall demand compensation: catapults and rocks were not in the agreement. Courtiers busily slip coins in their gaps.
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Tri_Stri/ - This is an updated HTML5 port of my 2011 game "Triangle Strike", which I have renamed "Tri Stri".
Top secret missive from Planet X… Clearly the 'Pioneer plaque' of an avant-garde civilisation…
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