Leon's Microblog – August 2013

http://868-hack.neocities.org/ - The "rumours" in the added programs section are sort of a reference to this: http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/36307708411/retro
You find to your chagrin that the "indestructible castle" you wished for is a solid cube of bricks, with turrets on top and no interiors.
An entire Vine account of people fainting dead away as the camera-holder rapidly grows taller and makes hideous flesh-stretching noises.
"The only evidence I have that this is actually reality are my senses and this signed affidavit - and I'm pretty sure it isn't notarised."
The snailwoman invites you into her shell. You say there's no room for you and you'd be squeezed flat. She says she doesn't see the problem.
TOP HACKER TOOLS: Shoes: hide your e-footprint. Pliers: open digital gates. Sack: download files. Brick: break windows (the virtual kind).
PUNCTUATION GUIDE: . rock , stick / branch : 2 rocks " 2 sticks ; rockstick ! rockbranch ~ vine or snake (contextual) ? rockvine * seedpod
"Let's not forget that this so-called 'Game of Life' is predicated on hundreds of people dying of loneliness every second."
I noticed people were using some stylesheets for a single key feature (like vertical centering) so these pared-back ones may be more useful.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163 - Two more Twine stylesheets. These ones are designed to be easier for you to tinker with than the others.
You unplug your keyboard, blow into its USB port until all the keys have inflated, and rest your weary tear-streaked head upon it.
You try and unfold the roof of your convertible magic carpet, but the blanket keeps sliding off the broom handle and you're out of chairs.
"Patch notes: flippers' speed bonus no longer applies on land, and is not multiplied by additional flippers worn elsewhere on the body."
As you step into the spring rain, a sudden gust of wind flips all the raindrops upside-down - pointy side downward. Your life has ended.
"It's a teleporter," corrects the computer as the big metal claw hoists you through the air. "Look, you're teleporting! Whoosh! Zap! Buzz!"
The worst part of falling for that hidden spike pit is spending ghostly centuries watching everyone else leap over it like it was nothing.
I also like this area… specifically, that the lightning inexplicably flashes into tranquil blue sky for a moment.
My favourite rooms in Fez were similar to these… Boundless voids of generic videogame metal…
The more I fantasise about @ellaguro making Fez 2, the more this absurd fantasy makes sense.
"The game claims it can't be won; beating the final level simply shows a message saying 'Nuh-uh, I win anyway!' and sends you to the title."
Suddenly remembering old claymation kids' shows that seemingly used scrunched-up cellophane for running water.
"So you took pics of their wedding only to find you held your phone inside-out… Okay, I'll 'shop them standing on that circuit board there."
I felt very sad so I unfollowed 30 mostly inactive accounts, and the bloodshed and carnage seems to have made me feel better.
I'm suddenly finding it interesting that they explicitly did not put feet on the mushroom - portraying it as an inanimate sliding object.
Maybe the riskiest ambiguity in Silhouette Mario Bros. is between the mushroom and goomba However, only one has feet.
You feel a pang of shame at leaving your wrecked mechsuit in the main street of this tiny village. Someone will have to drag it away.
A poor season has made a crop of invincibility powerups that last for 1/2 a second. You let your kids run in the field, devouring them all.
Yes, the shareware version transforms you into a roach after 10 minutes, but you get good at dodging the NPCs' ferocious swats after awhile.
"When God took away the serpent's limbs, He gave them to this: the Serp-1000, our newest reptile chimera! A python… with sick pythons!"
He got the power to beat any videogame for 1 year - but when it was up, he had to beat 'em all again in 24 hours, or Earth would be doomed!
Due to a bug, the poison reduces your mass, not your HP. As you ride to the apothecary, you start helplessly flapping about on your horse.
"I don't actually tweet in real life - only my twitter persona does that."
"Maybe if those windmills had actually really been giants, he'd have had even less chance of slaying them. …Ironic, isn't it?"
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/Arrietty-Latch.gif - I had to live with these same window latches for 7 years and NO ONE can open them without a full-on struggle.
My anime fanart senses are normally prime. I can spot all 3 varieties (Hatsune Miku, K-On!, kids in brown coats with straps on their legs).
Now that I've watched Arrietty, I can finally clear my Pixiv bookmarks of all the fanart that I'd THOUGHT was actually original. ;_;
Lemonade Stand tip: if you juice all your lemons when there's a storm, the Thunder Elementals will buy them up and pay you in Donderstones.
I feel this game's science-fiction premise is a little too optimistic.
I don't necessarily endorse every scene in that animation, but I believe its general premise was at least a minor creative influence.
I also remembered that some of the mood and feel of "Terra Tam" was inspired by this animation I saw a long time ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ3BnJ0A2Iw
For instance, I just remembered that Demi's torso's facial expressions in "Bind Her!" were inspired by Game Boy Wars: http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/GameBoyWars-Intro2.gif
Sometimes I remember weird minor inspirations for my games long after the fact.
I wish more programs had the Chariot button in their "About…" boxes.
Duane Blehm's games have "peek offscreen" commands that shows the sprite sheet - much like my own HTML5 games do.
Nighttimes are relaxing because all the opportunities you missed during the day are well and truly behind you.
What if the Doom guy's face started mimicking this face whenever it came into shot?
The ship's computer synthesized a tiny Earth for you to play with, but you lost interest after your tongue got stuck on Greenland.
"If unemployment's getting you down, try mixing up your routine! Instead of having breakfast at 4PM, try having it at 5PM!"
A corner of the sky tore loose from the horizon. Everyone tries to ignore its unsightly flapping - the eerie ripples crinkling the clouds.
You shuffled this year's commute hours into a single 60-hour block, here in early Spring… but judging by these roads, everyone else did too!
Your autonomic system gently whispers to your consciousness to make you suddenly aware of your breathing, so it can take a quick break.
Your friends have decided you're not distinct enough, and you'll be merged with another friend when the world switches to movie continuity.
Caveats for game in previous tweet: set speed to "slow"; L5 is probably the best designed; L2 is trial and error; L4 is just word puzzles.
#IPlayed Doomed For Eternity http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-27/?action=preview&uid=3733 I always wanted an RPG status effect puzzler (tho some levels are way too unintuitive).
Each time you find loose change on the road, a tiny grim reaper hunts you down to rectify the cosmic imbalance. Usually it fails miserably.
THIS TWEET WILL EXPIRE ON: 29/08/13 Please read it before then.
Let's use the Year ​of Luigi to highlight lesser known second-player palette-swap characters: Bob, Lance Bean... uh, Winbee? Blue Worrior?
"I just don't think I can live in a world where ants like you can survive my Ultimate Smasher Beam" mopes the boss as you curtly comfort it.
The hive keeps getting petals in the mail - seems someone visited a disreputable garden and got put on a flower's spam list.
The elevator seems to notice how impatient you're getting with it, and proceeds to shamelessly badmouth the stairs for the rest of the trip.
Mysterious 'reverse twitter feed' where the tweets' timestamps count down, and when they hit zero, the described events transpire.
http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-27/?action=preview&uid=1084 - If you submitted to #LD48 and your eyes finished rolling from playing my egregious notgame, you may rate it here.
BEFORE YOU PLAY! I have implemented an old videogame idea of mine in this work. The idea is this one: https://twitter.com/webbedspace/statuses/293735988298133507
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Certain_Defeat/ - Here's a new Leongame for #LD48, "Certain Defeat". Windows and HTML5 versions available.
"Economists are concerned that the total vapourisation of a small city by unexplained space-rays may inconvenience nearby larger cities."
I want to apologise to this horse I'm pixelling. #LD48
You really don't get the point of having to scrub graffiti off clouds by hand. Isn't that exactly why the skyscrapers were invented?!
"If you want to buy a spider big enough to ride (but only for a few mins) and don't have any small children, then come down to meet Suzy."
"Did you know most people spend a third of their lives asleep?" says your bed. "That's horrid! We could easily do so much better than that!"
"It's atrocious! She immediately devours every peanut butter sandwich she conjures into existence! Almost as if she takes pleasure in it!"
"This is a movie. This 'game' is literally a movie." *SNES morphs into VCR* *lounge morphs into theater* "H e l p" *morphs into film critic*
"Too much videogames will give you square eyes… And turn your voice to beeps… You can't walk diagonally… Candy vanishes when you touch it…"
http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/SuperMarioWorld-IggyClear.gif - I'm wondering who's holding the white flag inside that pile of rubble.
It took decades before virtual sports designs replicated the real-world sports constraint "you can't physically assault the opposite team."
Trivia: even though it CLEARLY says "Dot matrix with stereo sound" on the top, I almost never plugged headphones in my original Game Boy. :(
Hang on, it's time for some musical inspiration http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOzzzoymPUI
This looks like the great outdoors, right? #LD48
"It's cool, sure," they say, gazing vacantly out the window at forever-surging gigalitres. "We get a lot of tourists."
Giant wave endlessly circling an all-water planet… Flotilla cities riding its crest… "Yeah we're kinda xtreme, I guess," shrug its citizens.
I remember that Dungeon Crawl has a weapon called an "eveningstar", and its only description is "the exact opposite of a morning star".
A part of me was disappointed that the "anti-tank" in Advance Wars wasn't the exact opposite of a tank.
You open the door. A freight train is speeding towards you. You shut the door, praying hard that someone painted a tunnel on the other side.
#LD48 development screenshot.
http://www.shiftylook.com/comics/galaga/ - I like that the images of this comic have credits on the bottom that are cropped out when you view it on the site.
You're rather disappointed the princess was in the desert fortress, and not the castle of shimmering light on the edge of the stratosphere.
The hairdressers mishear your squeaks of 'no', and the cost of this haircut, and the mound of haircare products on your head, keeps rising!
This GIF I'm working on has a nice palette.
You fire up your ChronoBlender to mix 24 hours of TempoJuice. No one did anything important with last Wednesday, right? Right. In it goes!
"I have a budding interest in pause-punk," he said, gesturing to his time-frozen pouring teapot statues and his wall-mounted falling books.
Odysseus looks around, straining at his bonds, to find that the rest of the crew bound themselves to masts as they passed the Sirens, too.
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/!!!!!!/ - I just replayed !!!!!!, an old action puzzle-platformer of mine. A bit better than I remember, surprisingly.
In the corner of your helmet's display, the number of tickles you can withstand before your power suit explodes is falling rapidly!
"You can tell which mode your dog is in by its head stance. Idealist Mode = head high in the air; Empiricist Mode = nose to the ground."
Game that frequently stops to ask you if you really need this much draw distance and texture quality, and sighing wearily if you say 'yes'.
"Everyone asks what's under the mask," says the Shy Guy. "No one asks you what's under your face! Even though you could cut it off easily!"
Game where you play a deprecated string library on the lam, using your inferior functions to solve puzzles and escape the code maintainers.
What if App​.net really is the future, and all the good usernames are being taken as we speak? What if "AnalFart" is being nabbed right now?
So I made a Disqus account and it tells me it's found 80+ one-sentence comments I'd made on various Wired blogs in 2007. Yessss.
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Prizeturret/ - I added a new button below my games which reverses the colours when clicked. Only in Chrome and maybe Safari.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/34/Javascript_icon.svg/500px-Javascript_icon.svg.png - Wikipedia's icon to represent Javascript is, fittingly, a code block of a polyfill for a basic String function.
Feeling keen about these colour choices. I'm also considering a blue tint for <<display>> connection arrows.
A "two-player game" only insofar as one person plays with the mouse while a "witness" must hold down keys on opposite ends of the keyboard.
Surprise! Everyone pitched in and sewed your abuser's head to your shoulders, so you can see them all the time instead of just twice daily.
2014 was the year of indie game blog mascots… Figgum the @Figames Fig, Amber the @Foramgames Ram, Untie Plz the @Auntiepixelante Captive…
More code-fiddling with Twine's IDE. Experimenting with colours…
"She's a tough cookie. Those white studs are the teeth of those who couldn't resist biting into her crisp flesh… More than they could chew."
"The last person to challenge her was skewered on the points of the north star. The 2nd last she pushed into the hole in the crescent moon."
"Watch out - the castle is full of traps. For instance, this escalator's handrail belts move in the opposite direction to the steps."
"Gentlemen, quell yourselves! This is FOSS! We solve our quibbles through the subtle sports of edit warring and passive-aggressive forking."
"She'd steal the odor from a wedding bouquet and come out smelling of roses! Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth—it'd vanish without a trace!"
Your completely blank tweet gets 1,024 RTs from accounts whose usernames and tweets are just mixtures of Unicode spaces.
To think, if not for that nigh-impossible boss guarding the next area, you'd've never settled in Ice Zone and enjoyed its beautiful summers.
You can't stop rising higher into the air. You stare at your feet. Lefty's panicking, while Righty's telling you the joke's gone too far.
You run into a guard with a mask so scary, you leap out of your clothes, which they swap with a convict uniform before you land back in 'em.
The comet rapidly strokes your bare back with its tail. You enjoy it until you realise that means its solar lover has appeared behind you.
Presenting the Twitter OmniButton.
So I'm playing DOOM for the first time, and… does his exaggerated bobbing-up-and-down walk animation perhaps denote low Phobos gravity?
Unwilling to let your fallen partner's corpse leave the screen and de-spawn… If only there was a bottomless pit to give him a decent burial…
A rusted robot on a mound of corroded batteries… A single AA clasped in its ruined hand, inches from its battery slot… The folly of life…
This GIF is probably not going to make it onto my tumblr.
Another custom @SuperMeatBoy level I made back in '11. I like the last part.
Some say the legendary blade is sharp enough to separate one's views of the artist from those of their works. Most believe it's just a myth…
Now that the data's been filched, it's time to leave your calling card… You bash out the 20-line ASCII Bart Simpson with the grace of Zorro.
Smugging yourself into the country in a duffel bag has one drawback: whoever claims you at baggage check WILL become your legal owners.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/58818409766/fez The "achievement anti-cube" can spawn wherever you first input the code - even before you leave home the 2nd time.
Remember to feel guilty for wasting precious time after deeming yourself incapable of spending it meaningfully.
"Think about it" thinks Leon, shivering feebly. "By the time Gone Home's cheaper, you'll've forgotten those spoilers you accidentally read."
How dare they make a fool out of me, you think to yourself, by not being the love I thought they were.
The realisation - that it won't get better, that nothing will get better - creeps up and wraps its arms around you. You sob in its embrace.
Just straight down to the end of the hall.
What if letters and numbers suddenly swapped purposes overnight and we found ourselves stuck with a 10-letter alphabet and base-26 numbers
Rumours that this week's comix have a freckled boy shouting "COR!" so loudly, every king in Europe does a backflip… A prized issue, if true…
Gesturing to the empty shoes, the newsagent says "soon as they read this week's issue of Whiz-Bang Comix, they all whizzed up into the sky!"
"The valley was named "The Devil's Navel", for only Satan could offer soil so bountiful, compared to the hard, humbling earth of the Lord."
We only have the one world, you think as you stare at the sky. What madness afflicts us, such that so dear a bounty feels like dire poverty?
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/58727626780/to-the-moon - I'm not entirely convinced that this joke was intentional, but w/e.
You don't want to seem like a naïve tourist, but you want to be absolutely sure this hairdresser knows that human heads don't grow back.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/58636263358/nuign-specter - One thing I like about this is how coherent its basic pixel art is - it feels "illustrated" more than just "drawn".
Please don't tell Renaud Bedard.
"Well, it's just that I've decided… that you're merely the Mega Man 1 of my love life."
I like the poetic imagery and videogame logic of this Smash Bros. mechanic http://www.ssbwiki.com/Cave_of_life
The Minister of Killing unveils the first model - the X1 missile - followed by the second - the X2 giant mechanical arm for throwing it.
Honoured to be a live witness to a history-making tweet https://twitter.com/GAMETIPSMANUAL/status/369476671750934528
Sending a tweet to 1000 followers and getting precisely 1 fav kinda makes me go "whoa" at having unwittingly bullseyed one specific person.
You rest at the blood fountain, its inky gushes aerosolising in the drafty Hell-cave air. You feel the O-negative vapour soothe your wounds.
"Further non-compliance with space law will result in reassignment to Delta Colony," intones the ship's AI, referring to the spare bedroom.
Cumulative negative psychoscape.
Going jogging to distract myself from my problems only reminds me of previous problems I went jogging to distract myself from.
Everyone on the sidewalk gives way to your "SAD PERSON COMING THROUGH" t-shirt. No one wants to be splashed with a sudden blast of tears.
I guess it's fortunate that the "Fish Utility" pun is only visible for half a second.
Someone should make a surreal fighting game out of that "One sunny day in the middle of the night" poem.
So #IPlayed To The Moon again to the finish, and… I dunno. I could buy the sad ending it was headed for, but then it… turned good anyway?
The sad part is that I personally submitted some bugfix patches that I coded myself… in 2006! They asked to add my name to the credits file!
Speaking of 10-year anniversaries, there's a slightly gloomier one coming up in a few months… ._.
Your alarm clock, suddenly worried it's about to miss its alarm time, frantically searches your room for a mirror so it can check itself.
I'd like to applaud @smestorp's luck in managing to set 868-HACK's release day on the 68th of August.
"I thought today I'd celebrate your staying alive in my chambers for 10 days. That's all you care about, right? Being alive for no reason?"
Blank sheet of paper boasts that it possesses the most impressive Droste effect ever.
(The extra pages hinted at in recent blog posts http://starwench.tumblr.com/ would of course be a booster pack.)
Suddenly imagining Star Wench released as a pack of very big cards that you can physically shuffle and randomise.
Your empty mechsuit strains at its chain, its cockpit hatch snapping, hungry to devour you. You calmly order it to sit until it complies.
People have been quick to say how many times better Gone Home is than Dear Esther, but I'm also curious how many To The Moons it's worth.
http://l.j-factor.com/gmhtml5/Show_Yourself/ - Here's the HTML5 port of my latest Klik of the Month game, "Show Yourself!" Hopefully you can solve its pants off.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5787 - Here's a new quick Leongame, "Show Yourself!", a tricky 'spot the difference' puzzle.
I feel kinda awful about not playing Gone Home yet, but I should know that being perpetually 100% up to date w/ things isn't that important.
"This temple was built by sentient torsos… so we put the torso tile above the head and legs tiles!" And with that, the door-slab slid open.
A rival company owns the patent on scrolling through your fonts one by one to see which looks best. Exits to escape litigation are N and W.
Shoppers waiting outside at 7AM to grab the luxury supermarket trolleys with plush baby seats, air brakes and chrome spikes on the front.
"The following story is completely true. Please ignore the quote marks around this tweet. It ain't fictional or a joke, I swear to god."
"For this case you'll need to think on your feet… or rather, your hands." *tosses down flyer for circus acrobat show as your heart sinks*
The barkeep sweeps up the blood with a combination powderiser-broom, and empties it into the Identifier. The poor sod was clean to the law.
The city's magic shield turns the bombs into giant roaches. Ideally they'd become something inert, but the wizards could only manage this.
"After awhile, you stop noticing the strangeness of it all." *rides away on two unicycles balanced on the pedals of a third unicycle*
Twine game where an HTML element who thinks it's on a static page accidentally triggers a link, and must try to get the page back to normal.
Your bed tries out its new jokey catchphrase, "Sleep: come get some!" but fails to lure you away from the siren song of CSS debugging.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5430 - Done, sorta. Also I fixed the code so styling classes of charspans work again, and spaces get the "space" class.
http://rrrrrrrroll.tumblr.com/ I noticed the thing that happens when you mouseover the rrrrrrrroll title, and am implementing it in Twine posthaste.
"Make Your Game A Reality!" reads the box of this mysterious gamedev program your friend bought off a wizard.
I feel compelled to document this weird Fez glitch as much as possible in case it suddenly stops forever.
"Its frequent, insistent orders to turn to a page, often in the middle of paragraphs or sentences, make this the most belligerent CYOA yet."
You slam into the doorway's unyielding bead curtain. Yup, it's locked. Sighing, you rifle through the strands and try to find the padlock.
That's OK, Wikipedia, you tried your best.
The radio's doing a doco about Vyacheslav Mescherin, and the music that thecatamites used in Pleasuredromes of Kubla Khan started playing :o
Daredevil angels that trigger a cloud avalanche in order to out-ski it… You don't hear from the ones who get buried alive in the sky…!
Alas, the toy at the bottom of the pill bottle is once again Herbert the Healthbot. You add him to the pile. You'll never get the Rx T-Rex.
While many nobles have removed their unsightly tear-ducts, the body will still find a way… Salty trickles between fingers, or down the neck…
A landfill of dismantled remote controls, consecrated in memory of the thousands of ads that were slain in their prime by these weapons.
Sadly, this isn't the Spelunky/Closure crossover you've been waiting for.
If vidcons fought gamesoft… who would win… *chuckles to self beneath mysterious unseasonal cloak*
The room is filling with water, albeit unusually from ceiling to floor. You squat on the carpet below the descending tide to devise a plan.
They say not to jump over your house during artificial gravity maintenance, but there's always one daredevil kid that makes the others envy.
I feel like I should be cc'ing @ellaguro or @mcclure111 on these pics.
In alien caves, a game of DeathScrabble hinges on "idiolect" being a word… the five English undergrads defending all humanity look worried…
"Can you believe I built the Immortality Ray while trying to make a portal to Hell? Hahaha!" *turns aside, grimaces in sheer disappointment*
I especially like how the mod affects these levels.
Pictures of my old "Single Screen Spelunky" mod http://mossmouth.com/forums/index.php?topic=524.0
Me playing a custom @SuperMeatBoy level I made in 2011.
While the ability to have text change unexpectedly can be useful, it's often a little too opaque, and a tiny notification may be convenient.
Wondering if I should alter <<timedreplace>> so that while it's waiting, the cursor becomes the 'progress' cursor https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/CSS/cursor#Values
Fez status: still glitchy.
Hooray for 10 years of Seiklus! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubsYgHQaYzk
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEIKLUS! TEN YEARS! http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/Seiklus-Bricks.gif
YAY IT'S SEIKLUS'S TENTH BIRTHDAY http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/Seiklus-Volcano.gif
HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY, SEIKLUS !! http://l.j-factor.com/gifs/Seiklus-Title.gif
Hey! It's 14/08/13! You know what that means…
It's a simple movie but I got a strong sense of tension and melancholy and recontextualised mundane wonder out of it - all things I love.
I watched Ghibli's Arrietty just now. Like a few other animated movies, this felt like a much-needed psychological reset switch for me.
It seems like all the layering and occlusion has been inverted somehow.
Harpy architecture - no stairs, just chutes to fly up and down. The very nature of this place reminds you of your heavy, earth-rooted body.
My copy of Fez seems to be getting more entertainingly broken by the day.
As you step outside, all the raindrops in the sky decide to land on your head simultaneously, just to see if they can. Your life has ended.
You point the mechsuit's ion gun and fire. A swarm of ants crawls out, swarming over the barrel. Yup, you'd left it in the garage too long.
You try to remain corporeal, but still the cup slips off your whispy ghost fingers. You kick it in frustration, and your foot goes through.
Built by and for a people that could unwrap stone as easy as cloth - you had to put ugly chiseled holes in its beautiful lithic fabric.
You're reminded, every time you drop something and it takes too long to hit the floor, that this isn't Earth, and nothing will be again.
"Back in the 20's your great-granddad's local store only had the XXXXXL bottle of ketchup in stock… and it's been in our family ever since."
"We should all be thankful that humans are physically larger than the majority of animals… at the moment."
"Oh hi! I'm enjoying some philosophical reading." *minimises the "I Can't Believe I Destroyed The Platonic Ideal of Refractory Periods!" VN*
After 4 days of bewildered, fatigued coding, I've finally brought the code back to the same level of functionality it had 4 days earlier.
"You may ask why I changed your headphones to a head-hugging insectoid parasite, but the point is that it loves your head so much more now."
So I tried resetting the iMac's SMC and it _might_ have helped? Then again, the fan still seems more active than normal. Hrmmph.
Urrrgh, my iMac's fan's been inexplicably running full bore these past few days, and it's driving all my nerves totally up the wall. :(
"To take a first step, you must first decide which foot to lift" reads the inspirational poster depicting a man with 100 legs looking glum.
Searching for a rack that can unwind your incredibly tense body… All up to now have snapped from your steel limbs and petrified muscles…
Actively backing up your hard drive can be pretty stressful because it involves consciously acknowledging your data's mortality.
Videogame idea: You wake up in a dark room. A masked figure flicks on a TV showing a cartoon, then pauses it and hands you a marble maze.
"With a high Advocacy stat, enemies will readily agree that your cause has salient and thought-provoking points while they shoot you."
You're fired from humanity. You sadly turn in your opposable thumbs, reattach your tail, farewell your friends, and scuttle into the bushes.
*shot of a turkey's body* "I didn't use Haverson's Home-Made Head-Fortifying Lotion… and now look at me!" *pans up to reveal turkey's head*
"Please ignore the strings leading off my limbs into the darkness above," says the voice, as your host gestures silently. "I am very frail."
Not only is she laughing at you, but every single one of the snakes on her head is laughing with her.
What I wanna know is when the W3C is going to finally adopt the Team Fortress 2 hat paint colour names.
1) Has the web benefited at all from this many tints of white, 2) I wanna see a site that uses all of them at once.
Well, that's it - you're licked, done, beat, toast, finished! There's no escape from this temple chamber's rising tide of warm, soapy water!
As comes autumn, so comes the council truck that shouts "BOO" at every tree in the city. Being trees, they drop their leaves over weeks.
As you greet the princess, the tiny demons in your mouth bellow a swear-word so antiquated that only her royal dignitaries blush horribly.
"Tiny robot patch: removed the debug-only Omnipotence Mode, which caused home models to teleport away to build galaxies in their own image."
"If someone showed me this tweet at a dinner party, I'd pretend to tie my shoes, surreptitiously slide under the table, and make my escape."
In conclusion, please copy-paste the imgur image URL to a new tab if you want to guarantee the intended full-res no-ads viewing experience.
Wait, so clicking a tweeted imgur link in any browser EXCEPT Opera will load an ad page instead of just the image file? …Hrmm. :\
Odd bug: the darkness effect doesn't quite work if you reload a save into this area.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/57557934717/donkey-kong-country-2-diddys-kong-quest - Trivia: if you examine the controller in the background, you'll see that I carefully chose the PAL version.
You had to make the "I give myself a panic attack every time I'm reminded of you" card yourself, but it's done and ready to be incinerated.
I checked to see what "~Infinity" is in Javascript, and apparently it's -1. Which… seems to suggest Infinity is a power of 2…?
Cradling your head in your arms, rocking it back and forth, stroking its hair, making cooing noises, watching its eyes follow your hands…
You enter the ruins of the forest… Collapsed trees surround you, long abandoned, covered in moss… Symbols of nature's hubris, and its folly…
It's no use - the thunder's badly upstaging your outraged cries at her window, and your attire is stockpiling rain like it's Droughtmas Eve.
"Please… defeat… Dethman…" coughs the dying NPC. "Defeat… him…" adds his wife. "He… must… not… win…" agrees their son with his last breath.
http://oneterabyteofkilobyteage.tumblr.com/ - Aaargh, I just noticed that the mouse cursor is in the same place in every picture and it's driving me agonised!
"A life's knowledge of killing and murder is in my skull," wheezes the skeleton, "a treasure beyond words! But all your eye spies is gold…"
The hard part of moving to an underwater nation is properly realising that the oceans have countries, too - and far more than dry land.
"We've been mulling it over and we want you to run the planet for us. Here's the key." *hands car key* "It goes in a keyhole in the Andes."
Within your time filter, even her ravenous embrace is achingly slow. Oh, what agony, to be bound tight in so many enormous minutes!
You try to run, but you can't stop the winged demon from landing on your perfect haircut and doing a barefoot shuffle, like every morning.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5020 - Making these also necessitated a mild tweak to the macro's script code, so upgrade to this version if you use them.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/files/TwineMacro-CyclinglinkCSS.html - I've made some special CSS effects to augment the <<cyclinglink>> macro. Please use them, someone!
You're slightly bothered by the fact that the dollar bills turn into ghostly angels when they're destroyed, but the living people don't.
The slugs swore up and down that the nearby bottle wasn't a slug transformation potion, but it's become clear they just wanted a new friend.
You can tell this guy's a necromancer because of the scene where he steps into a graveyard and all the headstones fall forward in servitude.
When I see a drawing of a woman with missing nipples I imagine Strong Bad telling viewers to sand off their nipples to attract the ladies.
Being trapped in an impossible architectural loop is bad, but for someone unlucky as you, it had to be one that only contains up staircases.
"The die is cast." — Julius Caesar showing off his new diecast miniatures at Friday wargaming.
Mind Day: the one raucous day of the year where people's bodies have to do whatever their minds tell them to, instead of vice-versa.
Here's the credits for that previous game.
I like this HyperCard adventure's casual tone.
This HyperCard game is quite concerned at the predicament you've gotten into.
You unclench your aching fist, letting the meager pinch of life-sand, carried across miles of desert, pour into the patient's open mouth.
Wizards' computers are actually identical to regular computers, but with Comic Sans replaced with Arnold Böcklin.
OF COURSE putting " * { font-family: "Webdings" !important; }" in your Custom.css also affects Chrome's settings page
"Old Tricksby will send a Card Conundrum your way. Beat it lickety-split for a badge that lets you take an extra knock in the Bog Bowling."
"There's a problem with these guns - they only fire forwards. But don't worry, I came up with a fix…" *slips bendy-straw into the barrel*
Before being smuggled over the border in a giant's armpit, they asked if you'd prefer they used deodorant. After much thought, you chose no.
That reminds me of an issue of The Spirit depicted from the POV of a person's eye sockets - their eyelids/lashes framing the scene.
Too weak to extract your pickaxe from the rock, you attach a note reading 'Do not steal' and head to the store to buy another to dig it out.
Your pinky's in a tug-o-war with a mantis. If you lose, it keeps the pinky. "Why does it even want it?!" is just a question to distract you.
NPCs swarm the player, eager to welcome them into the game, to lead them to the giant birthday party they set up - "no peeking!" they say.
The game often feels like it's hiding the existence of its adventure, to spring it on the player like a surprise - but not doing a good job.
The introduction part of RPGs and adventure games where you pretend to be an innocent villager often feels oddly stilted and disingenuous.
"If you touch me, you gain all of my powers. But first you have to touch me." *playfully bats away your probing hand with a pen for 20 mins*
Twine game with "draw distance", "model detail" and "texture detail" options that just add and replace adjectives for various things.
"…these muscles determine the pitch and length of a fart note." You quickly look up only to see that precious lecture slide vanish forever.
"In Mermaid-Vision, dangling swimmer legs are brightly labeled 'PULL THESE FOR INSTANT FRIEND'."
When you've committed so much sin that every body of pure water expels your vile form, ponds and rivers are like free trampolines!
The tailor happily began to research elastic string that would launch the buttons farthest when the shirt was torn open in fits of passion.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/57465135650/super-mario-world - Kind of interesting how Mario falling faster than the enemies is integral to this particular sequence.
"It's impossible - like trying to give a back-rub to a mountain, or hug a cloud. Some pains just can't be humanly healed."
Too proud to admit that the room has upended itself, she clings to the carpet with her toes, looking down on those who fell to the ceiling.
The guillotine's nanite blade cybernetically infuses your head at the moment of severing. You'll be a living ornament for centuries to come!
This mansion is creepy - you ought to write for help! You pen a letter to your friends, only to find your roll of stamps has no bars left.
"I want to remind you that the part of the procedure where we liquefy your body and pour it down my naked torso IS completely reversible."
"Hacker Elitetip: tell a Robo-ATM that you want '$1,000 thousand dollars'. It will get confused and crash, letting you access all accounts."
"Your plea to not be eaten has been submitted and is awaiting monsterator approval."
"Enter a sci-fi world of cyber-espionage, where information can kill." *screenshot of little girl whispering to rapidly skeletonising boy*
"Don't worry, everyone - the very large meteor just wants to use Earth's gravity to slingshot it back to its home up in the stars!"
"Masculinity Tip: if you find yourself yawning, quickly parlay it into a guttural beast-howl, as men of society are wont to do."
"If you have a vampire pal, desynching your mirror is as easy as fainting into their arms - your reflection will fall flat on the floor!"
The receptionist agrees that "The Lamia Lair" is a pretty weird hotel name, but as she turns away, you see her midriff gleam with scales…
"When I said you could repay me with your first-born child's soul, I guess you must've stopped listening before the 'PLUS FIFTY GRAND' bit."
That annual moment of heartbreak when you realise that this year is, indeed, actually going to end.
The temple only lets its entrance be discovered once the previous batch of grave-robbers' skeletons have rotted away completely.
"Lying on the floor and slowly spinning my legs in the air to show we're societally coded to read unusual behaviour as sexual in intent."
"To call Citycrypt a 'necropolis' is to do it a grave disservice. It's no ruin, but a vibrant city, full of cackles, howls and screeches."
"His claims that his bat simply 'forgot' to make a cracking noise when he hit that infamous run are hotly disputed by his opponents."
"And if we look inside this tree, we see the pixies repainting autumn's leftover leaves to green, ready to push back out when spring comes."
You're so tall, you squat between 10 and 2 to avoid hitting your head against the sun. And everyone asks you to change it when it burns out!
Super Mario World.
"Your best ideas were just brain germs. Your successes were brief infections. Your self-esteem is an inflammation which is now curable."
"Rogues are programmed to like gold, and will stop at nothing to defend it or rescue it from threats (rockfalls, fires, flood etc)."
"Oh, just sitting, relaxing, staring at my fingers, making them lean on each other like lovers, bringing them together like a happy family…"
You're feeling sad and vulnerable. You dress up warm and set your shower to 'snow'.
You might wonder how you can even tell that the faceless orange slimes are feeling triumphant as they hold you down… Believe me, you can…
You thought being gunned down in the corridors of power would be noble, but now you're regretting that your enemies will write your eulogy.
The public is skeptical of the ballparks, but the revenue from world ballpark fans will soon roll in… No, you can't play any sports on them…
Contracted to build 55 ballparks by the World Ballpark Federation… Your sleepy town will be the "world capital of ballparks", they promised…
As you shed your last piece of clothing, the neon laser-gazes of your cyborg audience leap to your middle. Ah…! That moment is always magic!
"Don't worry - these laser emitters are programmed to ignore humans. They'll keep sweeping their deadly lasers like you're not even there!"
"I must apologise for those sex jokes. I believe sex is a noble pursuit, like philosophy or falconry, and undeserving of society's mockery."
Game idea: hard-core reaction game where you have to hit stop or record on the VCR at the *precise* moment the ad breaks start or end.
Thinking how small and cozy Chrono Trigger's overworld felt, compared to the FF games. Even despite there being 5 different versions of it.
"Relationships! I've had it with relationships! If I see one more relationship, I'm gonna scream!!" *sees two ants sharing food* "AAAAAAUGH"
"Throw everything you know about fashion out the window!" *onscreen couple strip down & fling clothes out window onto old stodgy aristocrat*
At last! You've found the source of the malevolent AI's powers - a power cord plugged in a wall socket. You must destroy it… but how?!
#IPlayed What to Expect When You're Expecting Hive Spiders http://philome.la/thejhyde/what-to-expect-when-youre-expecting-hive-spiders/play More signs that the 10's will be the 'decade of spiders'…
#IPlayed Give a Name http://chorus-of-ravenous-angels.tumblr.com/post/54988470783/i-just-created-a-twine-text-based "YOU DO NOT LIKE SHIRTS WITH THE NAME OF THE MAKER OF THE SHIRT ON THEM"
"Four hundred trillion zillion is the most important number for game designers… it's the total number of players in all possible timelines."
"By 2002, Homestead​.com served 80% of web traffic. Google was subsumed in 2004… By 2007 'Homestead' replaced 'internet' in the dictionary…"
You haven't truly 'won' a breakup until you've collected all the DK Coins and beat the Lost World.
"A Type-A civilisation (total control of all 4-legged beasts) will either become a Type-B (8-legged beasts) or be destroyed in the attempt".
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