Leon's Microblog – February 2016

Placing an ironic hash-mark at the start of a word AND an ironic ™ sign at the end will cause both to snap shut and devour the word utterly.
"You may have heard that it was only this century that humanity discovered that twintails are the source of immense magic power. In reality,
"This snake represents infinity. Where is its tail? Look: it's in its mouth! That's the thing about infinity:it's over before you know it."
"To clear gems, arrange three of the same colour in a row, then drag them into the gem tray and click the "Gain 1 point" button 300 times."
*footage of human sucking a glass onto their face* Alien anthropologists: "Why did you do this?" Human: "Uh, definitely demonic possession."
https://twitter.com/twinethreads/status/703740416903012353 I've added the Harlowe 1.1.2 changes to this page, meagre as they are.
"And here's your health bar… two rows of abacus beads, numeric HP readout, the player's bloodied head, AND a heart-rate graph. The works."
"You know when you drop an argument because you need to sleep in this apartment tonight? Well, I'm doing that to everything my brain says."
https://bitbucket.org/_L_/harlowe/issues/44/ – Most of my ideas, such as this, revolve around plaguing myself with possible contradictions in syntactic minutiae.
This is not an exhaustive list, nor are they exclusively my ideas. (You can click "create issue" to suggest your own without logging in.)
https://bitbucket.org/_L_/harlowe/issues?status=new&status=open – Twine users: I've been organising plans for future Harlowe features here, if you have any thoughts on them.
*noticing all five roommates are bedridden with depression* "We'd better put out an ad for more roommates."
"If I never move, the canvas will stop shifting" says the ghost, its paintbrush on a mirror, "but I'll never give my self-portrait a smile."
"After the mayor's abdication, all crimes were simplified to either parking or speeding violations. Now every living action incurs a fine."
"Out of this place!" *psychokinetically pulls a book so forcefully that the entire bookcase tips over onto her* "…I'm not picking these up."
*taps a piano key* Ghost: "Ah, you appreciate the classics. My favourite is A5* *plays a chord* Ghost: "What!? Pick one and stick with it!"
"Sure, I'll give you this "demon soul crystal" whatsit… if you can beat me at a Hitting a Crystal With a Hammer contest! Heh… you go first."
"Thanks to my invincibility spell, this time your swords will bounce off me! Try it!" *stab* "Agh! C-cold metal! You jerks! I'm outta here!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Dz7IvBI7HI – Related: on closer listening this music is actually hecka Earthbound lategame.
"We solved one crime. Alas, church raffle fraud was decriminalised and private detecting was criminalised just before we arrested them."
While their body is undergoing repairs, you walk down the street holding the laptop containing your AI partner at shoulder-height.
"Hey, I had to go back in time a buttload of times to save this relationship! Besides, didn't you say you had a thing for older partners?"
The effect is especially striking in this example (Pelen Purul by Ryan Armand), bringing to mind the gleam of light on foil.
https://web.archive.org/web/20150905180114im_/http://www.kiwisbybeat.com/purul/pelen60.jpg – A cool text effect I haven't seen at all digitally is the gradient of coloured fountain-pen ink running dry.
"For centuries humans used almost all of Earth's mana on Fire spells, not discovering until too late the existence of Water, Life and Void."
https://twitter.com/search?vertical=default&src=sprv&f=tweets&q=%22object%20object%22 – Why did I not anticipate that 99% of these results would be buggy bots and IoT programs
As you're whispering your secret to your partner, you suddenly notice the rain has stopped. As you pause, it sputters back to full force.
Your captors roll dice on your bare belly to decide your fate. A die tumbles into your navel. You can't see it, but their smiles tell all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P-GJkFi_Ck&t=44s – Over a year later, my favourite Smash Bros. tournament player is still the one and only Wheel.
"Wonder if this carton's recyclable." *rotates box, sees the Mount Doom symbol* "Damn."
"Ironic that you built a spider-tank when the predation strategy of real spiders is to sit still doing noth–" you say before disintegrating.
You hear thunderous footsteps down the vast corridor, followed by thunderous shoelace-tying, followed by thunderous roller-skating.
"So I noticed your theme music is called "Girl Without Memories From a Dark Future"–" *flares nostrils* "That was four games ago, OK?!"
This pun…
"Brown sugar means it's wholemeal."
http://www.twitch.tv/almolicious/v/48384710?t=4h33m20s – Can't believe I tuned in just in time for this amazingly crushing discovery.
"Never sleep until you are fully prepared: your bed is fortified from danger, and your mind is braced for the terror and insight of dreams."
"Her most shocking discoveries are 1. that she's gay, and 2. her world is a comic that's being invaded by villains from an adjacent comic."
"They've got depression – a lot of stuff seems invisible to them," your friend explains, resting an empty glass on what looks like thin air.
"Society valorises monsters with the strength to weather the shame of their own ugliness, not the grace to discover it is really beauty."
The woman behind the big letter C in this illuminated manuscript secretly plots to kill the letter and take its place in the alphabet.
The ship's list of passenger luxuries has been updated. Gravity was upgraded to "platinum", and oxygen is now opaquely at "black onyx".
Just because she's 50 levels stronger than you doesn't mean she has to remark "Impossible! You're still alive?!" every time she kisses you.
"The word is "ecology" but with two letters changed. A great web of life, made into a great web of money. I always admired its perversity."
"The transformation takes several hours. Tight hugging from a partner can accelerate the process, but is much more dangerous."
"Some sardonically remark that wizards never make mistakes: the cosmos merely oft mishears their thick mortal accent."
"It's easy. Roach meat goes in, the machine cooks, and a NutriRoach, a 100% edible automaton that crawls right into your mouth, comes out."
"I can't stand to see someone so tasty look so sad," your vampire master consoles you. "It's like some monster made a gloomy gummy baby!"
"He refused anaesthetic, and kept gripping the goblets throughout the surgery, saying whatever we could pry from his arms was his payment."
Cleaners are transporting shiny brown husks out of the office. To think that the developers had to crunch through their molts!
The slimebrarian jabs her head with an ice-cream scoop and rolls out a blob of her memories. "These old novels aren't in print anymore."
"Your passport's in order," *slips trash can on your head* "Seeya." *catapult flings you 12 feet into the sea* "Darn, forgot to wind it up."
One could conceal a message by mixing sans-serif mathematical letters with plain letters, flashily revealed when you toUpperCase() the text.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematical_Alphanumeric_Symbols – These Unicode formula symbols are semantically not text, so calling .toUpperCase() etc. on them won't alter them.
"No more "hero" nonsense from you," declares the father, having been ordered to let his boss's kid fulfill the prophecy and not his own.
"Ever since Earth lost its tail, Good has brought the sword and quill down on Evil… and the hand holding it has always been a frog's."
HUMAN: "How's it going, my good… buddy?" 1000-YEAR-OLD DRYAD: "Have you been trying to do a plant pun every time you've called me that"
"I made this city what it is! It was a hole in the ground before I arrived!" "After you arrived, sir." "Yes, after. Fiddly human words!"
(Also, I have a rule that macros which do not perform in-place mutation must use past-tense adjectives, not verbs: (sorted:), not (sort:).)
(Also, I've asked this before but if you have any better "intuitive" names for map() and reduce() than (converted:) and (joined:), do tell.)
(Another thing I'm rueful about is how I must use bare commas for both argument and param separators, lest I mandate enclosing params.)
I'm currently getting myself in a tizzy over designs for functional programming lambda parameters in Twine 2.
…if you want something extra to occur, like setting a variable – and the syntax may not naturally lead one to easily discover this.
One thing in particular I had in mind was that the link syntax's limitations require one to switch to (link:) and (goto:) macros…
Pokémon 2.B.A. Master, and its sequel album, Pokémon 3.C.B. Master.
(I'm asking because I'm a mood of critical reflection about Harlowe's design philosophy, and would like some feedback.)
And, is that because Harlowe lacks a feature, offers multiple hard-to-distinguish features, or requires using a feature unintuitively?
A quick survey question for Twine 2's Harlowe users: what do you say is the hardest thing about it to learn, starting out?
Anyway, that's probably not what it meant at all, but it's an image I always come back to when I see footage of the game.
The friends you met on your journey have to die to help those they protect. The chance to share a life with them is long gone.
I felt that keyed into OoT's main theme of regret - that the only way to redeem the losses of the past is to incur more sacrifices.
and only in death, after slaying their killers, can their ghosts awaken to their true selves. This is how things must always go.
I don't know whether Ocarina of Time meant this, but I always assumed that each of the sages is killed before you can rescue them,
"This is the final battle? Hah! I am the first battle of the long war that is life, kiddos! Exams, dates, interviews… these will avenge me!"
"The barrier between the worlds" *distinct papery noise as he taps it for emphasis* "is in danger of being sundered."
That's why you loved sprinting, climbing, dancing with them: to exhaust yourself for them, to fall before their mighty, inexhaustible body.
You spend the rest of your days as an ornament in the witch's spaceship. You're glad the decision of your future has been made for you.
"PUZZLE PLATFORMERS" *rapidly flips reverse-gravity on and off to very slowly hover towards you* "ARE RAD"
"Turns out that if you upload a human and add ".zip" to their name, the archive contains a JSON file of everything they'll ever do and say."
"All I carry is food, spear and shield. Each town's artisan paints the latest TV episode summaries on its surface, for reading on the road."
"Life is meaningless!" *the old dog nods sleepily while the young dog noisily rushes in and wonders what was just shouted*
"Santa only gives to the nicest child in the house. So," *hangs up phone, turns to face toddler* "I told the hospital you escaped from it."
*gazing at the moon* "Can't believe it's only one uncoiled small intestine away." "To think all my poop has literally traveled to the moon."
"I'm standing in front of the router to protect the internet from your puns!" "OK." *posts a hot-as-hell selfie* "Aaarrrrgh-! Y-you win!"
*lurches bolt-upright in bed even though it's 2PM on a weekday* We never did get to see daveisafunnyguy.txt from page 5212 of Homestuck
"I'll have an extra large. I don't care which one, as long as it's bigger than it's supposed to be."
"Only one part of this ancient machine still works. Though no water runs into it, from this tap a trickle of water flows out. That is all."
You recognise old classmates descending with gilded robes and crystal-studded jetpacks, and slowly reverse out of the class reunion carpark.
"Humans often think they're the only ones with existential angst," said the mermaid. "I too have existential angst, from the waist up."
"The ship's AI has degraded to the point where it feels wonder in being outsmarted, and devises bad murder schemes for us to foil each week"
"Don't worry," you say to your friend who lost their wings, "we all cry when we see birds, too," gesturing to crowds of weeping businessmen.
Due to the mayor cranking the police academy's "detectives" slider to max, traffic fines are issued solely through stormy night j'accuse.
"The version 2 cyborgs are so bio-efficient that their piss is concentrated enough to burn through to the Earth's core."
I've seen both of those words in active use, and don't intend to pit them against each other, so much as gauge which is more recognisable.
Quick question to anyone who cares: which of these do you prefer as the enby form of "princess" and "prince"
and the knowledge that outside your silly self, it's but a simple, easily-phrased fantasy premise, like "having your body used as a mat".
Maybe you too know this dilemma: the knowledge that your fetish is the most magical, comforting, ineffable thing that sings to your soul,
"Tell me! What style of cuisine does this whimsical fantasyland specialise in?" "Everything's made of candy." "Hm… No, I can work with this"
Skater witches high in the air, grinding their boards up and down their brooms
The "laugh rule" of hiveminds is: if a lone person says or does something that makes you laugh, you *have* to assimilate them.
That they still use a font like Helvetica Neue for unique user identifiers, where l=I, rm = m and vv=w, is another tiny defeat for security.
I'm so weary of username homoglyph spoofs over the years that I'm adding ".username { font-family:monospace; }" to my Twitter custom CSS.
"At this moment, the fusing spirit has taken possession of the fusing human's body. Now–" *sticks hand-crank eggbeater into brain incision*
You've grown so used to boss battles that merely entering a tall, empty room stirs your blood and fills you with glee.
"This professional suction-cup headband lets you headdesk *and* tableflip in one smooth, powerful movement."
"Ewig has announced that this time he has finally died – the first god to do so. He cites that he now barely moves, and talks infrequently."
The divinity finds the sincerity of your combat prayer wanting. It departs, giving you no aid, save for turning your clasped hands to stone.
"Remember: if you ever need help, the most powerful person you can rely on is your boss's dad."
"OK, based on your answers, everyone you've ever met has done a number on your awareness of your being abused. That will be $15,000."
An @​ocarinaoftime_txt account, but the only quote it ever posts is
You evaluate your industry connections: two crows, a snail, and a cursed sword that always points to your heart. Not bad for your early 30s.
Every page of every book in your house has been replaced with a sudoku puzzle. You may have contracted a level 1 cryptolock virus.
The kids' venture-capital stands have only invested in each other, and are now trying to grow by giving themselves bigger and bigger loans.
"I know you're excited about the physical world, but you can just say "key" instead of "corporeal auth"."
Your shoes' "footstep amplifiers" are delayed, making thuds that sound like a giant pursuer is behind you. This isn't necessarily a problem.
The thumb-wrestling champ frequents the after-party with her thumb fully exposed. Curled around a wineglass, a beast of sheer destruction.
Claiming the True Goblet was the inverted dome of the sky, it was imprisoned to keep from reaching the surface and collecting this vast cup.
With not a goblet found, it vowed to work out until it became a goblet – upon which it was collected by Thieves' Guild Goblet Collectbot 7.
Unable to bear that it broke the goblet in half in hope that both pieces will grow into two, it pushed the pieces together until it died.
"After each month of psi training, remember to take a week off to let your skull grow."
"C'mon, every friend circle has to deal with learning a friend was a blackmailer, fraud or grifter. For us, it's almost a monthly ordeal!!!"
"How about this? Huge, muscly, hairy ogres that can only ever do tiny, squeaky farts." "…I'll concede that that's kinda cute."
"My prophecies were lies!" shrieks the dying oracle, "You can change the future! Free will exists! We aren't all just powerless puppets!!"
You'll never forget the hard lessons of your breakup, or cease repeating them whenever the player presses C△ to ask you for puzzle help.
"No… I'm glad the space matriarchs chose you to transform into a distant, beautiful planet and drop out of high school… I'm crying for you…"
https://twitter.com/metasynthie/status/694654700155699201 – I like screenshots that cast autonomy and self onto maligned NPCs.
http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=4339506 – Back massage (guest-starring the previous picture).
LEON, WELL-KNOWN FOOL: I wonder what anime character this "ウェンズデー" pixiv fanart depicts… GOOGLE TRANSLATE: It's Wednesday Addams. LEON: Oh……
"You discover the boss, beneath its armour, is a ghoulish corpse-automaton of flesh and gears, after you earn its trust as a close friend."
"That's the thing about puzzle-filled skycastles that razed the surface world of life centuries ago: they always look normal on the inside."
You and your partner frantically moving your cybering session across six messaging services, as each of them goes down one after the other.
"We can't sell the yacht! We had sex in it on all 7 continents!" "Fine, OK, we'll just transplant its cabin into our house."
Incidentally, if the heart glyph has bothersome semantic overlap with the Like, feel free to replace it with another character/string.
Nevertheless, feel free to use this CSS if you think this extra data display would be helpful while reading your feed.
I feel a slight trepidation in posting this, as it may exacerbate one's "unfollow paranoia" if following status is always front-and-center.
The code for this is as follows: [data-follows-you=true] .username::after { content: "❤"; display:inline-block; padding-left:0.25em; }
One bit of web Twitter user CSS I recently made for myself is a rule that puts heart glyphs next to the usernames of people who follow you.
You and your friend missed the fireworks, so you let them listen to the booming in your skull as you read 15 Mind-Blowing Frog Facts.
The siren still sings atop the mountain, though the ocean has long boiled away.
"Please, our clones are well within the legal limit of 1.2x the power of their originals. Their fiery dark auras are our company branding."
It would've been a devastating roundhouse kick, had you remembered to remove your suction-cup boots first.
*opens hand mirror while applying makeup in bathroom mirror* "Amazing how the changes I made in that mirror are cloud-synced to this one."
"Your tail isn't prehensile. It's just telekinesis." *tail curls under shoulder-strap* "Stop making your body parts hot while I'm working!!"
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