Leon's Microblog – March 2016

The Hostile Child-Smashing Roadsign went back to being a Peaceful Child-Smashing Roadsign.
The baby bird only finds a "learn to fly" tutorial for dragonflies, but tries to make do with half as many wings by flapping twice as much.
"Hey! There's still a little magic left in the invisibility ring! Get a load o' this!" *teeth slowly turn transparent, leaving bare gums*
Dogs describing humans to their grandpups, years after the extinction – the only memory of our species.
You may find yourself confusing Strabo (actual person) with Strago (made-up game dad). Just remember that StraGos hang tiGht to the ceiling,
My favourite Blue Mage spells are the ones that seem like dodgy misremembered versions of the "real" spells.
Your roommate is using their psychic powers to create "a new apartment: Edenic, unsullied by humanity", which will surely violate the lease.
You and your teen pals have revealed the true origin of your world. It was that "Big Bang cosmology" your teachers incessantly talked about.
You're home after work but your super bar's still full, so you unleash it to maximally absorb the details and nuance of a TV episode.
"Yeah, the office you want is to the left there," *points to two floor-length mirrors facing each other* "and then a right after 20km."
*unsettling paper-like body flaps around* "Howdy friends! I'm back from the dead, and fit as a nit!" *head hinges up from jaw while talking*
"I'm fine with the buzzing of mosquitos. It's when it abruptly stops that I have a problem."
"I know what you're thinking: since my bangs cover my eyes, only my nasty grin reveals my personality, right? Well… time to know me better!"
"Moth antennae AND axolotl gill-stalks…" *gingerly lowers self onto sofa* "A truly unbeatable look…"
Samus Aran, born and raised in the quaint Earth town of Noobbridge,
In other examples: no matter how many options you choose in this dropdown, its name just fills with commas.
This one's lightbox dimmer doesn't cover the popover bubbles in the example just below it.
The page layout behind this one becomes visibly messed up until you close it.
This one doesn't appear in the right place if you've scrolled down the page.
I'm looking up modal dialog components, and the bugs in their very own example pages are popping up before my eyes.
"What? Uh, I'm single… but I'm, I'm not…" *feels rear of dress rising up as concealed scorpion tail prepares to strike*
You open a drawer and find that 900-page manuscript you abandoned two words from the end – two words which singly defined the entire plot.
The king sired an elder son, Will, a middle son, Might, a younger son, Could, and a youngest daughter whose ardour belied her name, Won't.
The ruins have been homes for outlaws hundreds more years than they were ever homes for kings. Their true, final purpose.
The carpet chuckles in its sleep, your feet reminding it of snaring intruders like you in its deep pile. If your tread was barely heavier…!
"It's the MakeDataBetter() function. Data goes in, better data comes out. A trillion lines long, it powers 99% of Earth's startups."
"I'm sorry, I – I just realised I never had a friend I really trusted until now," you blubber while sobbing into your dog's midsection.
"Look… it's OK. I also don't sleep. I also refuse healing spells. Here." *lifts their hand onto chest, revealing it, too, is cold and still*
"Whoops, almost forgot the memento mori." *makes the karts on course 2 ramp into the jaws of a huge skull*
I tried the new [GIF] button but all it offered was this one GIF repeated over and over in every category. Oh well.
"I-I don't think there's room on this chair for both of us," you squeak. Smiling, she unplugs and tosses your arms and legs. "Now there is."
"A pursued dog will try to leave a misleading trail by walking backwards; unfortunately, they unwittingly walk back toward their pursuers."
Your combat surgeon's hands are a blur, unwrapping scalpel after sterile scalpel and using each to slash just a single monster.
"It's like having a brief sickness, but unlike, say, the flu, feeling utterly miserable is the _only_ symptom. So really, it's a net gain."
The only painkiller in the apartment is the anesthetic component of your partner's venom, and you're still light-headed from the last sting.
"Like this," you tell the stylist, showing a photo from when you had wings and antennae. "Just that hair. The rest… would be nice, though."
This week's want-ads are dry, so it's time to flip TV channels until you find the blurry guy in a suit who addresses you by your first name.
No. Enough. You mentally retreat to your Garden of Order. The symmetrical tree is there. So is the breeze that only touches your left cheek.
"I've cursed you. Every voice you hear will sound like my voice. Listen to me forevermore, you greedy-eared eavesdropper!"
"Great shadows are cast by small people blocking opportune windows."
"Eidola conjured to work ruin in your name are unassailable – it is far easier to accept their crimes as your own than to plead innocence."
"When tempting a living soul in the guise of a dead loved one, never whisper "stay with me". The option of refusal must never be suggested."
Smash Bros. tier list discussion 2, linked for Mother 3 spoilers
Smash Bros. tier list discussion
You swallow the pill stamped with a blue bird. Your senses open. Streams of observational humour flow around you. Rouge is just fake blood.
"So… did we all awaken our psychic powers at the sleepover? And we all thought it was just us for 20 years? We left each other for nothing?"
Every progress bar on every computer program on Earth suddenly fills up at once. time() functions suddenly return the string "It has come."
"No, don't stop me, I live here now," orders your child as they sink into the pool of HTML, their limbs flowing apart as the CSS takes hold.
Angels that, centuries into afterlife, claim to still feel their coffins' wood against their backs, whenever their mind begins to wander.
"It took me 20 years of colours past my eyes, but," *taps painted-over glasses* "I decided which colour I want to stick with for life."
Your body is splattered between the machine parts and your gore flows through it and your stickiness coats it and your stench sanctifies it
"An inspiring sentence for you: "Even loose leaf paper is made from strong trunks"… Replace the nouns in this sentence to become inspired…"
"Horizontal "No Falling Zones" appear in the levels to limit your powers and force clever solutions to the puzzles."
"Due to her brain's memory encryption, we can only hack into the region dedicated to smugly remembering last night's sex during work hours."
You're so hot, acrid and sweaty today, you're in danger of being mistaken for a big vinegar potato chip!
While exploring a cave you unlock concept art of your own grave.
You regretted shipping your enemies 500 copies of your autobiography when the critics declared it the greatest work of literature ever.
As your mother walks in, you roll the skull-tipped wand of sorcery under the bed, then grab it back when you remember the cat's under there.
Ahahaha! By releasing my dialogue from the confines of those quotation marks, this wretched narrative is mine to command!
"Chips and Ice Cream" is good because of the wildly antipodean reactions of Morty, BMO and Jake to every plot event.
And then do a hack of Super Mario Bros's underground theme with its melody replaced with Mussorgsky's Gnomus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMWS7rv7U-0
Someone please do a hack of Porky's Theme from Mother 3 and replace its melody with actual Frère Jacques – thanks in advance.
Just watched the Adventure Time episode "Evergreen"… Despite being set up as an obvious origin story, it's got one hell of an ending.
You spend all day uninstalling the update from your partner which makes them pressure you to dump them for one of their successor models.
New robot teachers must teach human pupils 1 year of a history curriculum that casts them as humanity's enemy, before they become "trusted".
Now you're in for it… unless you tell them the password, you'll be subjected to brain-meltingly bad puns until it trickles out of your ears.
Refusing to delete the secondhand game cart's 99% save, you try to beat the final boss over and over for months until you trade it for DKC3.
"Everyone stop panicking! I'm sure this "primt()" function the user requested has to be in one of the old APIs somewhWE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE"
"Vampires can't enter uninvited. Spidertaurs only eat uninvited guests. They're immune to each other – the deadliest alliance."
"Yessir, it's the city's steepest street… so steep that when you step into it and raise an eyebrow in shock, you'll tip over and roll away!"
With everyone else missing, you can only play cards with your helper fairy, who's painfully struggling not to give you hints to defeat her.
Also, I find it funny that "function() {}" creates an anonymous function, but "new Function()" creates a function *named* "anonymous".
This is one of the hundreds of tiny edge-cases in JS that make it extremely hard to call two similar syntactic forms semantically identical.
(Such classes' static methods can invoke those methods via "super" if they so wish, but the utility of this is… eh.)
An "extends Object" class function has all of the Object static methods (keys, getOwnPropertyNames) on it.
#TIL In Javascript, there's actually one difference between "class A {...}" and "class A extends Object {...}":
"Yeah, the fifth enemy in level 3… They spared my life and slowly nursed me back to health. We're a couple now. No, they don't have a name."
Still unused to being warm-blooded, you forgot you could just put on warmer clothes instead of drinking 10 piping hot coffees in a row.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIJD_RZuioM – In memory of the Rising Thunder fightgame, here's a clip of my fav boxy boxing woman Dauntless
"Oh wow, you look–" begins your friend. You babble "Hi sorry I rolled critical makeup today and I have to visit everyone with it thanks cya"
"Yeah, us fairies have a bond of friendship with all woodland animals… a bond with their stomachs!! Let me in your danged bug jar!"
The alien ships have no means of propulsion, but their fuselage's finger-like grooves suggest that – somehow – they were thrown into orbit.
"Look, I just glanced in the mirror on the way out, and, well, I only broke free from the trance once it was entirely covered in lipstick."
"World record, so to speak, for longest chain of dominoes floating in microgravity, each knocking the other forward, in 3, 2–" *sneezes*
"It's a giant magic chessboard… with the white king missing! Well, we know what to do." *places the adventuring party's dog on the square*
*from the echoing confines of my palatial locked account* "Hehehe… time to show my best observational humour to only my 7 slimiest cronies."
Out with the old (linked for 🕷 exoskeleton content)
There's a one-foot gap between your window and the neighbouring apartment block. You could push the building over without leaving your room.
You try to grab the cat for a nightmare first-aid cuddle, but it's rescinded modern life for silent monastic study under your dresser.
"So glad to finally announce this! We're fusing into a multi-headed deity and reshaping the universe!" post all of your friends at once.
Oh to have a mage-matriarch with the sobriety of yours, who lifts her brow half a millimetre at the splitting of seventy miles of mountains.
Photos of the homes you lived in in your dreams… illusions made by your mind, more comforting than reality… false homesickness tugs at you…
Water won't flow uphill, but, thanks to your silver tongue, has been convinced that vertical walls are entirely unrelated.
Falsion (Famicom Disk System, 1987)
"Sir!" *flails brain activity pie chart with 97% marked "Hot Takes"* "The test subject…!" *Shot of slimy hand reaching for unattended phone*
"The new human excretory methodology: a column of urethras all down the abdomen, releasing metabolic wastes the moment they're synthesised."
"We all realised, "What if beanbags are the only furniture we need?"" she smiles – her face upside-down, limbs squirming for floor purchase.
""All thumbs" often means a bad hand, if thumbs are worth less than the 2s. But sometimes…" *removes glove* "…it's the best hand there is."
"48. That's the number of cards in a deck without the thumbs. "Thumbs up" games are ones where the thumbs are worth more than the Kings."
"The Apple ][ could hold any number as long as it used Roman numerals. Since they were hard to read, the Apple /// switched to tally marks."
"2600. That's the highest number the Atari 2600 could hold in memory. That's why its games were hard: so no one could get that many points."
Effed up how dropping a live hairdryer in the ocean would electrocute all sea life on Earth, but no one's done it yet #EffedUpButFortunate
Effed up but true how Zelda is bottom tier in Smash but her alter ego Bayonetta is top tier #EffedUpButTrue
"The future of multimedia. A child clicks "tiger", and all human knowledge about tigers floods their mind. All is "tiger". "Tiger" is all."
"See? Your love and servitude to me is so total, even in your dreams you serve me. And since you can do anything here… I got hella chores."
You're so jealous of the videogame adaptation version of yourself. No sleazy boys! Dozens of hovering guns! You're in cosmic hero form 24/7!
"Our studios ship fresh code straight from the programmer." *lifts nearby coder's hand from mouse, squeezes JSON from fingers into a pail.*
The witch makes her escape by flashing a triumphant duckface that spreads to the rest of her body, and flying away.
Dogs repeatedly tapping "+ 0 =" into a calculator, sure that adding all these zeros has got to eventually make something happen.
Footage of Superman pushing a landslide back up the mountain until the debris is hovering 20 feet above the peak, and leaving it there.
⚠️ MEME REFERENCE JOKE TWEET ⚠️ Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee or my coffee's coffee or my coffee's coffee's coffee ever again.
"W-wow! Why is my heart racing? It's as if a malevolent spirit gave me a huge scare, then wiped my memory so she could do it… all again…"
"All we know is that its trees have evolved to pierce the planet-wide forcefield – tiny hideous stems, breaching a perfect black sphere."
Out of poverty at last, you think as you're repeatedly bounced between chortling aristocrats' bellies, their buttons imprinted on your face.
"Guess how old I am," smirks your boss in your dream. You sink a finger into her nasolabial folds up to the knuckle. "And try four digits."
"Y'see, breaking a seal on your astral body to awaken your power is basically just like popping a zit." *stream of glowing pus gushes forth*
You'll never be rich, but as long as you have friends who'll hostilely dance around you wearing abstract masks, you've wealth beyond words.
but stumbled mightily when it had to lean on overly contrived elements like timed gravity switches and laser-triggered machine guns.
I might compare it to Limbo, whose linear approach succeeded whenever it concealed its puzzles' artifice using "natural" physical elements,
The artifice of the puzzles' rooms is thus quarantined from the main world, where the narrative-relevant, diegetic events take place.
I appreciate its pains to keep the puzzles from distracting from the narrative: they're few and short, and cleanly sequestered in tiny hubs.
#IPlayed The Swapper, and I can't freaking believe the final secret at the end was Stop 'n' Swop.
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