"You can't do this to me!" bellowed the homeless man at their departing backs. "I have an Erdős number!"
"Wisdom isn't enlightenment, knowledge isn't wisdom, fact isn't knowledge, and Wikipedia isn't fact."
It was that day, when an entire fleet of frigates sprouted and took root on the seafloor, that the Royal Navy sought a replacement for wood.
"An inordinate amount of time is spent finding, repairing and blessing the Empyrean Sword, just to use it in a sword swallowing routine."
"Earth will be knocked from its O-shaped orbit, tracing a Q around the sun and opening the Cosmic Gyre." -- Cueball, The Catastrophe of Q.
"These people evolved prongs on their eyeballs, which form not O's but Q's. They can see into time itself." -- Prof. Q, The Qth Floor.
"Quentin... I found where all our computers' missing Q keys went." "Qiana. Run." -- The Mystery of Q
"But you see, it was not the number 666 that John foresaw. It was three Q's.... the infamous Tripled Q!" -- Qadim, The Nightmare of Q.
"I had Dr. Quigley carve a Q into the flesh of my very heart. The power of Q fills my blood! I am immortal!" -- Qamar, The Curse of Q.
"Quentin, my god, this explains everything. The entire building... is shaped like A GIGANTIC Q!" -- Qiana Qualia, The Secret of Q.
"Q is a paradox, a self-refutation, an impossibility! ...It is an unending circle... with an ending!" -- Quentin Quinn, The Q-Files.
http://l.j-factor.com/amateur_variety_twitter/ - Here is an archive of my past messages. (Did I really write all of them?)
They wanted her to still feel like part of the family despite being changed into paper, but the later family photos just looked too fake.
"So, like, you know what a head of lettuce is?" "Yeah?" "Well, those people are the lettuce's entire body."
"And down-pitch my voice so it sounds like I'm in slow motion." "...But you aren't in slow motion. Do you want me to make it slow motion?"
"It's some kind of flamewar slash rap duel slash prose-stravaganza, slash a few other words that end, or maybe begin, with -stravaganza."
The woman turns to the window, and sees not the moon but Jupiter getting larger and larger. The man says, wait, I can explain.
Each clock's tick varied in pitch ever so slightly. When all 60 were brought together, their gears played the most peculiar melody.
Before you nod off tonight, pay thanks to your palpebromes - those two-dimensional people who reach up and pull down your eyelids.
Pangaeagsaw Puzzle: As a Space Geologist, your job is to slot together alien planets' continents to create their original supercontinents!
"Yes, the only key for this lock IS inside the locked chest itself... but they didn't count on telekinesis. Let's open it from the inside!"
A dying couple believe they have entered the afterlife together, but both later discover that their partner is just a mental projection.
"I turned around, and there was my dad's ghost. I immediately fainted. Then I awoke to him yelling at me for being a coward."
"Its mother was a tumbleweed. Its father was a skipping-stone. Now, it roams the seas wherever the trade winds will take it."
"I think I drank that 'freshly printed textbook' smell a bit too deeply... what I'm saying is I have no memory of the last 3 hours."
http://j.mp/bEQmbK - a somewhat hastily concluded picture also inspired by hanging-themed party games.
"I experienced no deleterious side-effects from the medication, except for unexpectedly growing nails on both sides of my fingers."
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/favorite_nodes/view/584/game - I endorse these fine #piratekart2 entertainment products.
"At over a kilometre long, this is the longest strand of spaghetti ever to be consumed in one unbroken slurp!"
"We tried burying their bones, but they kept rising up. Now we're just hoping that their wanderlust and bloodlust will someday abate."
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2679/4402826773_3f00b4af18_b.jpg - the world map for what might be the best videogame I ever didn't make.
"The dishwashing liquid was too strong. I tried for hours to get the lemony scent out of your dishes. I think it's there forever now."
"Nothing is worse than cold scrambled eggs." "What about dying alone?" "If my wife gave me cold scrambled eggs, I would wish to die alone."
After she discovered her strength by rescuing her child from beneath a van, weight-lifting the family car became her secret addiction.