Leon's Microblog – May 2015

Beautiful things I don't understand: People who main R.O.B. in Smash Bros.
"It's OK to be anxious and emotionally vulnerable while you ramp a motorcycle over post-apocalyptic freeway rubble," you remind yourself.
You don't know my burden, the sheer effort expended in pretending I'm not actually extremely into Super Rosemaster in the latest webcomics.
To this day the twenty pieces remain among my favourite piano works (because evidently neither my taste nor attention span has grown since).
These solo piano pieces reminded me a lot of the GBC Zelda soundtracks in particular, and their forced reliance on arpeggio for depth.
I'd stumbled on Visions Fugitives from a Classical MIDIs site and was convinced most of them would work perfectly as Zelda game music.
Here's a confession: when I was into Zelda Classic, I was really into using Prokofiev's Visions Fugitives for most of my game's BGM.
"Sorry! I haven't done transformation magic since college." "That's OK, I haven't been human since college. I'm used to this."
Unaware of the concept of inflicting bodily harm, the angels' conceptions of swords resembled thin ornate staves that everyone oddly feared.
"I think a bird is nesting in my head", rustily rumbles your soldier partner, who was also awakened by the strange pulse from the stars.
Don't ask me how games starring animate background music tracks would work. Because it's obvious. They'd run and jump on platforms.
Why can't Nintendo just make a game where the Gusty Garden Galaxy music and Stickerbush Symphony are the main characters.
Twine 2: trying to communicate type signature errors in a nice manner. (Not that most macros are this complicated…)
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/120130977226/donkey-kong-country-3-dixie-kongs-double – I always liked how this sign implies bullet-shooting superimposed crosshairs count as "animal buddies".
I'm all for voting Tails into Smash as long as he's accompanied by his equal opposite, his mirror darkly, Dixie Kong.
Your respite is to sit under the parrots' tree at twilight, open your third ear, and drown human social angst with overblown bird drama.
You hate waking up in the night while the rest of your hivemind is asleep, and feeling your mind is as much in pitch darkness as your eyes.
The fairy has no money to reward you, but helpfully offers to "fix" your toes, lengthening them back into fingers and thumbs.
Their phytomancer's spell, "Acorn's Growth" turns them into a giant over a century. Your geomancer's "Seismic Uplift" takes 100 millennia.
Nobody knew what the "flapping your glutes" exercise was, and playing the "Flap Those Glutes!" clip caused the TV to turn into a white cube.
"JavaScript: the Good Parts" is a Princess Bride reference, and emerged from Crockford reading the entire ECMAScript 3 spec to his children.
Sorry everyone, just discovered I don't actually understand the algebraic meaning of string membership after all.
You've lost your body, and no one can see you except: * Aloof talking rabbit * Bossy hovering child * Flirty crone who appears in drawings
Which git command is so amazingly, fundamentally important that jQuery includes it in its repository's readme?
The implication being that if you just want to hammer in one nail, you can "just" slip a hard plastic shim in front of the spike.
Oft-disliked programming tools oft resemble hammers with a spike parallel to the head, "to simultaneously make a divot for the next nail".
"There is a chance you may not survive the disintestruction process, so please write a complete list of your entire brain's contents."
Your head slid off your neck, hit the floor, rolled straight under a dresser like 20 feet away, and stopped face-down in two inches of dust.
"The World of Technology is a magical place. Even simple characters like "&" or the curly quote can turn into whimsical beasts at any time!"
But don't worry, folks! ECMAScript 6 has your back.
If you've already seen the "[10, NaN, 2, 3, 4]" bug in Javascript, here's the new bad news.
Everyone else in your feed just went into a hypnotic state and posted "I SERVE THE MIND EMPRESS", and you fav them all because yeah, same.
http://www.kirbysrainbowresort.net/multimedia/sounds/kar/58_-_DRAG_RACE.mp3 – It kind of cracks me up how much this shamelessly rips off Super Smash Bros. Melee.
I enjoy reading about nonstandard Javascript engine behaviour being replaced with correct, nonsensical behaviour.
Firefox private windows somehow manage to break the OS X close/resize buttons' positions.
After the meteor fell, the dominant humans watched themselves inexorably turn into birds, helplessly growing small and building tree nests.
"Vampirism is spread not by biting the neck, but painting the nails… With the last finger sealed, not even Death can shake their hands…"
You had things to do today, but your partner casually tweeted a pun so awful that the force of your wincing transformed you into a capybara.
You roll the dice, and the spirit of the number 5 flows into your bodily vessel. Fingers, senses, vowels and weekdays are yours to command.
"These scofflaws have stood in places at the moment when crimes begin, and have seen no building's fire without making sure they caused it."
Since sites apparently need specific unrecognised syntax to always be silent errors, it's a miracle CSS syntax can even be expanded at all.
CSS cannot ever be improved to allow things like, say, trailing commas in selectors: https://twitter.com/awfulben/status/580886839495499776
Using demonic magic, humans were sealed away on the surface for millennia, until their drills opened a shaft to Hell, their former homeland.
The warrior known as The Incorporeal One rejects all forms of physical affection, and directs you to hug and groom his horse in his stead.
After a day in each other's bodies, they both learned a valuable lesson: the evil in humanity's hearts will always cloud the light of good.
"Six characters of clashing personalities spend the whole act struggling to open a door. They never succeed. Only the door bows at the end."
Your body flesh contains several bubbles - round hollows of air surrounded by skin and hair… imperfections from your casting, you're told.
You curtly explain that this wall was looking a little cold, so you decided to merge your body with it for the remainder of the party.
http://catandgirl.com/?p=4897 – I can't believe the barb in this C&G episode.
Red fluid pours from the ruined office towers' windows – error messages flowing ceaselessly from abandoned monitors, flooding the streets.
As humanity departs this barren planet forevermore, a settler looks up at its sky for the last time, and names its nameless constellations.
"As I behold this forest of lost travelers' imprisoned souls, I see a legacy of horror I can bequeath to whoever kills and thus becomes me."
Your manager takes you to the detached, hovering executive floors of the skyscraper by balloon – a "humble Heaven for your business's God."
That sound…! With a velcro rip, the dancer unmasks themselves as your rival! And, with a longer velcro rip, arduously draws their sword!
You and your partner perusing old messages from your first meeting and bellowing "YOU OBLIVIOUS FOOLS!" at neighbour-bothering volumes.
You can't cry here, in public. You must save these sparkling tears for your lover.
Footage of the megafrog ship squashing the Apollo 11 landing site, cementing megafrogs as Earth's dominant species, plays nonstop on Frog TV
"My happiest memory was learning at age 1 that my name was Reginald. I since named my boyhood dog, teen band, car, and 6 children Reginald."
"All characters who fall off a cliff land in an open-top truck full of baked beans, and remain in the truck for all subsequent episodes."
You're asked about that conspicuous 20-year hole in your résumé starting from your birth. You don't have an explanation for it.
You dash to buy a few calming moments before the shop shuts, but end up missing the bus and using them all while waiting for the next one.
You've never worn a rocket-dress before, but you recall the heat of the flame exhaust shooting down your legs necessitates thin stockings.
"The battlefields of 2000 will not be skies and seas, but the mind. Imagine a gun. Now imagine a bigger gun. You are now a trained soldier."
You're gunning to become ambassador to the muscle monster kingdom, whose previous occupants have all vanished in mysterious circumstances.
After the storm, archeologists scurry beneath the floating ruins in search of debris blown free, the pebbles of a world lost in the sky.
Humanity really hoped another spacefaring species rose from the dead to attack the living, and this zombie thing wasn't just us.
"Hmph… you humans may have bested me at 2% of my power… but prepare for death's kiss as I fight back my depression and unleash the full 4%!"
Taking the bottle, you head to the tiny shrine of a wine god on hard times, whose flagon is now filled only by your mortal offerings.
"Sorry, she's from a universe where everyone is cross-eyed, so seeing all these straight eyes everywhere is making her constantly crack up."
It's likely the first search page's style will soon be applied to the timeline page as well (which currently resembles the second page).
The first page superficially resembles profile pages, but allows you to fold open tweets, which profile pages currently do not allow.
"The brain lobe that unlocks psychic powers is too deep for fingers to reach…" *footage of doctor sliding spatula handle into patient's ear*
Mermaids huddling by the riverbank campfire, fretting over the water's dwindling salinity as their quest brings them ever deeper inland.
You sense the time-lapse montage of crushed dreams that began in your childhood is about to end, so you go to the mirror and gape in dismay.
For 30 seconds after the stage presenter hit the switch, the computer actually felt happiness. Then it was packed up and placed in storage.
"Wearing a dead warrior's shirt inside-out means that their ghost is hugging you throughout your underworld journey."
"I will soon be so utterly weak that you will have godlike power over me – levitate me with a thought, turn me into a mountain or a mouse!"
The final level of Super Mario Galaxy 2.
http://www.twitch.tv/teamsp00ky/v/4906575?t=1h28m04s – I'm still thinking about this great Sheik/Kirby match days later.
All the bad ends in this game involve being hugged so tight that she'll never let you go, followed by an aging montage showing just that.
"Remember when I talked about the past without gazing soulfully into the distance, then laughing bitterly? Hahaha… Such fleeting trifles…"
"Bein' alive is dignifying," you croon to the skeleton crowd, as your suit comically pulsates with exaggerated breathing and blood-pumping.
You've passed off this full-body stress rash as your final demonic form for awhile, but you sorta wish your pals would start questioning it.
Your monsterisation potions are carbonated so you can unleash a thunderous burp when you finish transforming. You'd have it no other way.
"C'mon guys, writing is hard. A pencil bit my gran and my uncle's prize petunias washed away in a brainstorm once."
"Uh, JSYK, a Hell portal opened on my side of the bed and my butt is the only thing plugging it. So, have fun out there, bring back toast."
"I'm tasting the last murdertongue tea on Earth! I must blot out all other senses!" *shuts eyes, plugs ears* "my tONGUE IS BEING MURDERED"
"The fiction may be alluring, but 80% of the body-swap market consists of affluent traders who are on their third or fourth body."
"Hiding your cigarette behind a library book isn't that hard – if the pages set alight, just slam it shut and slip it back on the shelf."
Your diagnostics panel shows bright green ticks, smile icons and squares reading "ORGAN SUCCESSFULLY SHUT DOWN" as you dismantle yourself.
"I may be a thief, or I may be a figment of humanity's mind, pondering for a moment what would transpire if this massive ruby went missing."
"A wasp known to the royal family whose venom, dripped in the eye, shows the victim all the beauty they yearned for in life as they expire."
"We're safe in here," you holler over the calliope music. "Merry-go-rounds are like Faraday cages for dark magic."
"This sword is called the Vampire's Kiss. This whip is called the Vampire's Something More."
"The power of the internet has imbued everyday people with precious stars. Unlike many, I do not hand them to any restaurant lightly."
You always bring your partner-in-crime to these alien spas, so when the spa-water turns into a huge slime-cop, you're humiliated together.
Gimme a hug.
"This next Smash Bros. match features Duck Hunt fighting Earthbound. Full name John Earthbound. He's the protagonist of Homestuck."
I don't remember every episode clearly, but I am fully willing to believe at this point Pearl has made every possible facial expression.
I'm not even that into kaiju or giant mecha, but I like the idea of these concepts slowly creeping into the story as the stakes get higher.
What I'm hopefully looking forward to from Steven Universe's fusion system is a gradual ramp-up to full-scale feminine kaiju battles.
"The only model-view framework to offer three-way data-binding: between your model, your view, and God, the single source of truth."
"I can't compete with her! She micro-optimises her day and uses secret mindfulness tech to quell all self-hate. She's the perfect organism!"
"Look, the dude calls in every favour. He uses the fact that he even grants favours as leverage. Every loan has secret 50% social interest."
The Homestuck Timelines Explained Using Git Commands
You never fuse with anyone, unless you can "dilute" them by fusing with two of your clones as well. You're too valuable to go half-and-half!
"Relax, my love – your ten fingers have done me worse than these million villi ever will!" she shouts as the tickleworm swallows her whole.
"What? Return to the human world? Sure, the cupboard door's still here!" *opens door, dozens of saucepans tumble out* "Gets 'em every time!"
"17th floor is where all the staircases are. 18th floor, all the windows. 19th floor has all the floors, and the top floor: all the humans."
Your characters always have time to hear the tsunami of yoghurt behind them, slowly turn, stare vacantly, then scream as it washes them away
"With a main job, evening job, flexiwork, and sleep, salarymen have only minutes per day to press their closed eyelids and see the colours."
I can't believe these hivemind epiphany livetweets
The chasm path becomes so narrow that one stuck there is said to be pinched between the two mountains – clutched by the fingers of God.
Unwilling to believe the mighty humans had such tiny, feeble skeletons, they envisioned metres-long, curling limbs with ten femurs each.
"Even stripped naked, I am clothed still – in a pale telekinetic aura of sheer dignity! Disrobing me further will take a display of humour!"
No, not even in childhood did anyone step on your face. "Ah," she replies with relish, "the last unvisited planet in the cosmos."
You privately, smugly hope someone notices the huge lipstick mark encircling your entire neck.
"Just sit, chill your beans, take a deeeep breath full of butterfly burps and fairy sneezes, and let your brain piss out all of its stress."
You can still see the strokes of your sculptor's fingers in every curve of your cracked clay body. Every cold inch once knew a loving touch.
Even just 5 years ago, people erotically turned into animate strapless dresses didn't have zipper-controlled typing aides to livetweet with.
"Oh! Sorry, I forgot humans age. You have so many more micro-wrinkles and stress fissures since yesterday, I thought you were someone else."
"I tweeted a pun so bad, all my followers hurled their phones into orbit in unison, and now aliens are posting selfies on their accounts."
It's known that the duchesses sell each other sexual favours for fiefs. You wonder which night of pleasure your rolling, muddy hills bought.
"This isn't some mystical empath thing – I can literally see the pain he was in when he wrote this code. God, it's not even indented."
"Okay, maybe your childhood wings weren't entirely vestigial after all. But you'd have wanted them off anyway to fit in with everyone else."
You hate checking your phone right after resurrection and dismissing hundreds of outdated birthday notifications. Rub it in, why don't you.
*grabs phone marked "Bladder" on the first ring, asks "Are you suuuuuuuuure there isn't any more room in the back???" before they can speak*
Your partner has sudden shame flashback face, so you reach over for a quick hug. They whimper sharply – it must have involved you.
http://www.twitch.tv/rushhoursmash/v/4515797?t=3h45m19s – This single Smash 4 game is mostly just clowning around, but features a very entertaining matchup and moveset.
"How will we refer to "NSFW" content after employment and capitalism ends?" "It will be impossible, like naming the dark between the stars."
A selfie of Medusa after briefly taking the snakes out of her skull holes and replacing them with baby ferrets
⚠OBSERVATIONAL HUMOUR TWEET⚠ It's neat how no matter where you are, you can always touch a cool gnarly bony surface by licking your molars.
"The healwizards?" The villagers frown. "They haven't healed a soul since Potion Corp. hired them as the new faces of OmniLixer."
"They did it. They gave Cutie Ear Nibble 10% more power. Game over, everybody, game over. It's nibble or be nibbled from now on. I'm out."
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