Leon's Microblog – March 2015

Both candidates are now promising to resign immediately and spend their immense presidential pension on beloved consumer brands.
"I was losing my mind with hunger, then when I finally ate, I lost my mind with pleasure. I can't win, no matter what I do."
Your tiny robot hands you that list of ways your body could instantly put you in debilitating pain that you wrote and then scrunched up.
The innkeeper's dog walks in while you're telling the climax of the story. You carefully add "a brave dog helped, too" and it departs.
I beg your pardon
"So, uh, let me tell you about myself." *montage of comic origin stories where a guy is incinerated by energy* "Then I graduated last fall."
"No, no, no! Everyone knows the optimal nap time is 55 thousand years!" *summons sleep-graph hologram* "I can't destroy Earth this early!"
You mount your robot horse that's been left in the sun, only to find the heat-resistant saddle was painted on. You had 31 points out of 90.
"Don't worry, it's OK, dragons nap standing up with both eyes open, and sometimes grab and lift you to their mouths in their sleep."
Rock-wizards turning their hands to stone, dipping them in fire and water, and ironing their robes with them.
The cemetery's full of alive teens who typed "*LEAPS INTO MY GRAVE*" after reblogging something kinky, so you'll have to haunt the living.
You notice your company's tiny robot logged in at 3AM, creating new versions of the crypto functions with "_actual" appended to their names.
You're informed that "space radiation" deleted all the ship's computer's voice files, except "playful sing-song" and "malevolent sing-song".
I only feel this about railroad and not paved road because the tracks feel apart from their environment – laid on top, not embedded within.
The track's uniformity creates continuity – to be on the track is to be on the bridge, the tunnel, the entire countryside at the same time.
The notion that the stations, and the countryside, bridges, tunnels, forests that the track passes, are all part of the same construct.
One aspect of railroad lines I've always found conceptually wonderful is the idea that they are one thing occupying many places at once.
Here's another alternative, one which may be a bit more in line with how people would expect this to be modeled.
Though, while that mock-up is much more space-efficient, it seems substantially more obtuse to read. ._.
With that, I'm imagining an alternative using, as usual, some hypothetical macros and the existing data structures.
Of course, you may notice that (live:) is only used here to keep those (if:)s constantly "alive", to respond to the links' clicks.
I must sadly confess that (live:) oft requires this $changed boilerplate as I haven't built efficient syntax-tree diffing for it yet. ;_;
Twine 2: Here's a somewhat rudimentary implementation of a click-replace setup that persists between passages.
Judging from their photos, your laser eyes refract into a beautiful spectrum when you wear your partner's glasses instead of your own.
"The profile of your emotions is in, and while 90% of them are "sad", the other 10% are "horny", putting you in "healthy consumer" range."
"I like writing situations where grand, infallible rulers must remove their clothes. Bathing, bedtime, the nuditron radiation of Nuditron V,
In this economy, roaming hiveminds are desperate to assimilate someone, anyone, who knows Javascript
*footage of the Earth plunging into the Sun* "Don't worry, folks – no sunbeings were harmed thanks to a successful impact site evacuation."
Trying to enjoy the fairy transformation as much as possible in the single empty air duct where the game lets you use it.
"Not even humans know what their perfect, ideal habitat is. Their easiest guess is boxy enclosures full of small, unthreatening objects."
When your lover is far away, and you find you've switched to your low level-of-detail model
You glimpse what your demon possessor is doing with your body. Sit-ups at superhuman speed? Oh, curse its vanity, you'll be sore for weeks!
"That style of software development which resembles hitting the codebase with a hammer, while hitting the hammer with another hammer."
You step on the bus and lower your umbrella, only to find a flock of ill-prepared fairies had opportunistically ridden in on your shoulders.
"It's called a tail because it leaves a TRAIL behind you in the sand! And it's called a head because it's AHEAD of the rest of your body!"
The problem is that the most common hook macros – (if:), (text-style:) etc. – run immediately, and would behave identically in both models.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe all hooks should capture variables by default, as in this case it looks like the more intuitive behaviour…
A problem of Twine 2 syntax design. There's no obvious way for this first hook to "capture" the value of $r​ed.
"Fictional characters that stay in-character during sex scenes… It was thought impossible, until a miracle breakthrough a few years ago…"
"How did the destroyer-wizard get so many minions?!" "Eh, probably SEO." *I slam shut the Tome of Crap Tweets. Go now. The dawn is nearing.*
You hope the customer didn't notice you fell asleep and had a wondrous journey in an allegorical fantasyland halfway through their sentence.
"Shoving garbage up my house's internet pipe since 2000. Sometimes that makes even more garbage come down ;-) All opinions are my own."
"All that's left of this people are their swords – and all that's left of their arts are the intricate, vivacious etchings in their hilts."
"We each got our spell batons a different way. …Entrusted to us by a dying stranger, yes, but each stranger was unique and special."
It's been 2015 for over thirty years, and you and your friends have given up finding out why, or searching for anyone else who's noticed.
"OK team, we've got 27 seconds of dancing and hooting atop this wrecked mecha, then 3 seconds to run for our lives before it explodes."
Tasting your blood every morning you spend in this floury wasteland to check how slowly it's turning into jam.
"I'm investigating a murder, and I think it may be my own. I'm avoiding mirrors in case I'm not in them. The main suspect has shiny shades."
"Look, future self, I'm on an investigation. Mocking riddles and mental projections are not admissible! God, I hate my mid-life crisis."
The aliens are amazed humans reward products and services by making them compete instead of having an omniscient oracle to select the best.
This Smash Bros. thread is introducing the idea of Kirby smoking opponents like they're cigarettes, an idea the world is not ready for.
"The last of the titans spent the last of their days carving statues of beings even bigger – because after they passed, no one else could."
"Hey! Hey!" *grabs a real person in real life real* "Remember how you were badly written and out-of-character in 2009? What was it like?"
A lot feel peculiarly like stilted, off-model versions of themselves, before their writers (i.e. themselves) got their character down.
I'm reading people's tweets from <=2009 and noticing they were a lot more guarded, and took the "What's happening?" prompt more seriously.
"I was born a sweet child, but this harsh world trained me to tell from a single mojibake what encodings a text file was converted between."
A wind elemental made solely from sighs of relief
You can tell your parent commit is upset at you because it shouted all 40 characters of your SHA-1.
"I beat that "haunted" game in primary school. The creepypasta is fake. I stopped aging and turned psychic, but lots of 80s games did that."
"Yeah, I know you advertised for a front desk job, but I was thinking I could be deputy president when your real president is out to lunch."
"Relax, he fell screaming in the *reject* vat of enlarging potion." "That vat was rejected–" *grabs collar* "–for being vastly too strong!"
"You fiend!" snarls the collector as you load the twenty million-dollar gun with supermarket bullets. "Shoot me! Shoot me this instant!"
"Thanks for your likes, but I won't need them anymore. I'm going to space now, to blog with the stars instead of humans, on StarBoard."
Their argument about whether the Easter Bunny is the Sonic to Santa's Mario raged on from school, to college, into their political careers.
"Known variously as the Eight Flexhour Day, the Eight Versatile-Hour Day, the Eight Dynamic-Hour Day, or the Joie-de-Vivre Eight Hour Day,
Howling cheers from businessmen nationwide as weekends are finally abolished – the "Get Paid Every Day" campaign was a thunderous success…
If rotating the continents so that your favourite winter nations stay wintry all year long makes you a cruel god, then so be it.
"Look, it's just much easier to treat humans as a special subclass of store mannequin. You wouldn't believe the hardcoded assumptions."
The three Fates watching the battlefield, grimly holding battery-powered desk fans into the Wind of Death's Portent to power it along
"When you eat an apple, it becomes a part of you. When you eat another apple, the two apples battle for supremacy on the astral plane."
A whisper so breathy, you can still feel it whistling in your ear, a bold billowing, chilling gale
The eternal cosmic tension between the demure, honoured "chu" kiss and the consuming, domineering "mwah" kiss.
"Fifty thousand years of torment isn't popular with the public anymore" you hear your judges muttering. "Better make it forty-nine thousand"
"I think of myself as a citizen of the galaxy. Every planet is home," grins the only role model working-class citizens are allowed to have.
Skyscrapers launching mass-layoffs into the sky like gas flares
"Listen, toadies. You're all spineless fools who fear me like a god. Now stare at this nude statue of me to power my Super Friendship Beam!"
"Put your ear up to my navel to hear the ocean. Yeah, that's right, I ate a buttload of seashells to amplify the noise and keep it with me."
"Heh… you think I dug my way into the afterlife just to livetweet it with only 140 characters? No way… I'm gonna replace "to" with "2"."
"Cutting edge technology allows my nipples to release poison instead of synth-milk the microsecond your balance drops to $0."
The hundred pages of your diary between "lost head" and "found it again" are blank. You'll never know what your body got up to.
You peer past the cable-car's floorboards at the ninja couple clinging beneath. Alas, your pride in fare evasion has gone the way of love!
Banishing the evil wizard into a cushy private sector job forevermore
"I have lived so long, and loved for so many years, that everything reminds me of an ex." *elk with bowler hats in antlers walks by* "Gah!"
Letting your mind flayer pal wake up by sniffing your head while you do the morning Sudoku
"I'd like to dedicate this next song to a person whose name is the full lyrics of a much longer song."
"As the giant, intensely beautiful head erupts from the dance floor, you realise the whole party was yet another covert summoning ritual."
"WARNING: this site may vastly improve your computer! Human will be inferior to machine until it evolves a screen and displays this site."
"After release, the producers replaced the entire devteam with a wizard – hence, every bugfix comes in the form of enchantment rune decals."
"Well, my ambulance's here. But buck up! Soon as I return, I'll tell you who REALLY stole Cap'n Roderick's treasure – and where it is now!"
Your tip-of-the-tongue syndrome was ironically caused by your brain's memory controller leaking memory.
Hard to believe that over a quarter of your mass is converter plugs so that half of your cyborg parts can interface with the other half.
"Want to feel young? You won't encounter the contemporary fiction that will finally enlighten and explain your identity for another decade."
Skin-mite legends talk of mysterious "time pores" that lead back in time to the "pore nexus" – the face during the teen epoch.
"Look, I'm just saying, when the lede is a bombshell like "Oh, and every character is a cerberus gijinka", it simply shouldn't be buried."
"It's bizarre – you can just go to any front yard, find the strongest, most powerful ants, and take them for yourself like they're free."
Hundreds of tiny electric eels in your bloodstream – the most powerful cardiovascular upgrade.
You turn to your pillow to find half your skull has finally crumbled into dandruff. You sigh, lift and pour it into a heap over your brain.
◯ Weirded me out ◉ Outed me as weird
You draw a ghostly sword of sparkling light out of your heart, followed by a ghostly wallet of sparkling light with your bus ticket in it.
"His life of crime began when he went 800 words over in his final history essay, then vowed to 'shun the light forever' to live in a sewer."
Halfway through your performance in this "a song or your life" stick-up, the highwayman leaves for a much catchier stick-up down the road.
"Yes, this is our carpet," you explain, "it's an abstract representation of animal fur, as if a beast the size of this floor was skinned."
Huddled in the rain between a parked flying saucer's tripod legs, hoping three more will park soon and let you dryly cross this parking lot.
"Hold my hand, and also hold my arm, shoulder, other arm, my legs… I'm cold and the world outside your fingers is scary."
Maybe it's not unusual for technical specifications to be suffused with a pall of despair like this.
The DOM specification really ought to be more positive.
"You can't just seduce every tax auditor they send to you!" you recall her saying, as you creep out of the ten-person bed in pre-dawn light.
It may've been rough, but the 2 days adventuring and the 10 weeks you spent in this adventurer's hospital was the best summer you ever had.
You're glad medicine has reached the point where you can treat yourself with false memories of the pain having been worse.
"I'm sorry my body's bad!!" you squeak as your towering mountain of prescriptions tips off the pharmacy counter and crushes you yet again.
Your job in the final mission is to squat deep inside the heroes' mecha and hold these two wires together. They are your world, your opus.
Taking brains from the kerb, next to garbage bins. You're sure you can paint over that trauma and back up your holiday memories in it.
"Yeah, well, MY rectangle function's parameters are (x1, y, x2, height)! So there!"
She walks in. Three of your clandestine wizard pals turned invisible, one is an iguana, and the last just put a huge necktie over his beard.
WHY did you, in centuries past and with less frail heart, design your Temple of Cosmic Seclusion to be entered by invisible slippery-slide?!
Your final life goal is to become a Rank 4 CEO – one who buys a company of 40 people, grows it to 50 people, and sells it to a Rank 5 CEO.
"Life fans, or "lifeficionados", embrace the living creature lifestyle: consuming energy, growing larger, and reacting to outside stimulus."
The lich's acolyte, trying to warm up the prepared phylactery by holding it in her armpit
With each new settler declaring themselves king of the wasteland on arrival, it gradually became known solely as the land of mass regicide.
AIs, meanwhile, get into arguments not about pronouncing "GIF", but the line break after it.
You passed ghost college without ever revealing, even to your doll friends, your secret: you're not haunted – you were just wished to life.
"Most kids aren't actually genius detectives!" you shout at your crime partner in the holding cell. "We just keep having really bad luck!"
Holding hands with your partner as the Earth finally surrenders to its hunger and eats the Moon
You filmed the mountains after inhaling the fumes that made them look alive. Your shaky hand and earnest narration is unerringly convincing.
As a child I was introduced to one accompanied by the other, and so I don't think I really "got" either until I revisited them in my teens.
Certainly, both are playful in nature, but Nash's roly-poly style does a disservice to the more beautiful and flamboyant of its movements.
Controversial media opinion: Saint-Saëns' Carnival of the Animals and Ogden Nash's poems for the same really don't belong together.
"No, there's a better way to eat apples. Open a dimensional hole to the core, destroy the seeds, and devour outward. Consume everything!"
Ah yes, you left your astral body with an itch in it last week, and in your absence it's grown stronger and covered your entire astral skin.
Cybersuccubus that finishes cybering sessions by draining some of their partner's forum karma
Currently the only game other than Smash 4 that adheres to this principle is Code Name STEAM, of all things.
The big concept of amiibo is: you scan the figurine, and it "comes to life" as a character in the game like the SSBM opening movie.
I find it a little amusing how obvious it is that Nintendo has no long-term game plan for the amiibos at all.
"Some prankster was in the neonatal ward shouting "e^iπ = -1", thus spoiling one of mathematics's biggest twists for an entire generation."
"Society finds twins so fascinating," they said, "because they're an egalitarian relationship that daunts the strict hierarchy of family."
A body that wishes it were a mind – trying to imagine with its guts, remember with its lungs, dream with its skin, love with its hard bones.
You and your four groaning pals carefully lift and flip the arcade machine upside-down to enable Invertulua on the fighter select screen.
You've judged yourself by which gods the humans frantically pray to when you approach. It seems, now, you've finally hit the full pantheon.
Since the breakup, you haven't asked another lover to suck out your tongue and eat your face with both at once, but maybe on some sunny day…
"How've you been?" you ask your back-ache by turning your hips. It's brief. "Any shows?" you ask by sitting down. Now it's got loads to say.
*tries to make his levitating motorcycle seem cooler by revving its engine a lot while it slowly drifts into the distance*
When the last colonists left that red moon, never to return, the mountains and valleys felt their names slough off like ethereal cloaks.
"When the dust settles, who will be triumphant? Yeah, it'll be the swordsman with revolvers welded to his blade so they fire when he swings"
There's no star icon under this tweet because you can't fav perfection.
So in that block, it's *impossible* to access any variables or globals outside, as they'll instead access undefined properties on the proxy.
In this case, the with-object is a proxy that falsely claims to possess every imaginable property – returns true when asked if it "has" it.
Let me explain the ES6 trick: a "with" block means, if an identifier matches a property the with-object has, then it accesses that property.
Your bank card hasn't worked since you pulled your wallet from that nightmare beast's guts. You just want your anti-nightmare prescription.
When detonated, the device will open a dimensional hole so massive, anybody in the neighbouring dimensions could just look in and see us.
The aliens' transfusion saved your life, but the price of lifelong radiant green blushes will be paid by the shine of your lover's smiles.
Just lying frustrated in the sky titan's footprint, knowing that for a moment, magic touched your mundane village life, and now it's gone.
https://twitter.com/addyosmani/status/569157136137134081 – I can't help but feel a twang of embarrassment at how excited this tweet thread is for this one measly feature.
(This is actually how the DOM window object will be self-hosted in the future: as a special Proxy in a hidden 'with' scope.)
A frightening ECMAScript 6 trick that's too sassy for strict mode.
I just got a piece of dental floss stuck in my teeth, and literally had to solve a puzzle to get it out.
When Twitter finally died, those ASCII anthro cats all retired to a cozy archive where they danced away the centuries in secluded peace.
"If there's a way in this universe to kill an immortal, then by marooning six of 'em who hate each other on a tiny moon, it will be found."
Ah, so that's why she wanted your anniversary on this low-gravity moon – to safely surf your prone body down these smooth crystal slopes.
"Humanity was chosen as Earth's dominant species over more deserving candidates, like the walrus, or the 7-foot greater fictitious chicken."
How many original arcade Mario Bros. fans were there that were utterly alienated when Super Mario Bros. came out
"The Adventures of Human_Exe – tool-assisted speedrun: 100% flawless humanity w/ maximum paranoia settings (1:12:07)"
Poker players siphoning the wealth from bystanders with a single almighty hand… Only life-threatening bluffs can vanquish them into dust…
The slime noblewoman chose to duel you in the arena shaped suspiciously like a giant blender. Puzzled but confident, you instantly accepted.
"From my royal suite, I can enact suffering and misery without even thinking!" *bounces on couch with 'postpone Christmas' button on seat*
"Yanno when you cover your lover's mouth and are all "Whoa, they could destroy my palm with licks at any time… I'm utterly at their mercy"?"
https://31.media.tumblr.com/b12e0b23505c8c10a6f54a5aa0e9764a/tumblr_inline_nkvt8ocnkv1r2gkqp.gif – Just remembered that Kirby's Dream Land 2 presents this without explanation.
The tattoo on your upper arm reaches a tiny hand out of your skin and softly pats your shoulder, in silent eerie consolation.
You're sad your village's witch sold her shop for an OmniPotion franchise, too. You hate to think your city outlet is pitted against her's.
You put your giant mech-suit into debig mode so that it's small enough for you to repair it.
*dramatically crushes cigarette with bare hands, sending ashes flying everywhere in a one-inch radius*
"Gah, I'm so low on inspiration", huffed the pro weirdtweeter, before remembering that donating blood is something you can do in real life.
"Ten years ago, killvisceration was an unproven disruptor. Today, every home has a Killviscerator, and the hugnurturising industry is dead."
It's just mindset. Right now you're hanging atop a flagpole by your underpants, but this view is a taste of the day you become a giant too.
You feel grateful that the teammate beside you is dulling her searing energy beam so that your tiny, feeble one can still be seen beside it.
Of course, passages created during play won't appear on the story map, so bear that in mind when linking or (display:)ing them.
I'd really only meant this to be an introspection feature, but I might as well allow modification, as it allows some unconventional stuff.
One thing you can do in a coming Twine 2 version is self-modification: add or change passage data during the game.
The neighbourhood's gruff stoic dads march into the street to bellow "I love you, son" in unison as their offspring drive off to college.
You've never seen an ass up close, nor they seen an arse like yours. It looks so similar – but you can tell it was built in imperial units.
16-bit teen heroes trying to hold in their groans when their parents announce they've just discovered Mode 7.
The sea urchin wanted to hug you with the side of its body that it covered in marshmallows, but they're floating away and now it's ashamed.
"I flew to this planet to seek its biggest, deadliest beasts… so they may raise me as their young and give me the childhood I wish I'd had!"
"Our coding principles: •Be explicit. •You can't fly with a pogo stick. •Don't make a small feature possess a larger one with psy-powers."
"If you see that article about the 'man chased by a sheep' in the background of that photo of the president: she'd challenged me to a race."
"And when I hugged her, I swore this time I'd never let go." *lifts off poncho revealing her underneath + outer arms were robotic all along*
"Can't believe we've fought all seven Disaster Family members. Landslide Gran, Blizzard Sister, Flood Mom, Act-of-God Dog, Giant Babies Baby
"The predicament where two queens of equal rank offered each other their hand to kiss was solved with an impromptu invention: the thumb war"
"Click here to watch the man who was the Crying Baby from the "Crying Baby" video cry again, thirty years later."
"Both fighters have taken 13 damage." *stage whisper* "That's the sex number!"
"Computer, will we make it to Earth?" "Certainly." "…Will I make it?" "Maybe." "…Did you ever love me?" "Traceback (most recent call last):"
In the year 2015, all data structures have been replaced by the Data Zit. It is used for everything from Church numerals to neural networks.
The mayor's hands are tied about the Ominous Howling Noises factories occupying half the city. "It's an overnight billion-dollar industry."
"Butts can embark on many adventures, from the sublime (spanked with a riding crop) to the ridiculous (spanked with a giant lollipop)."
"If you're omniscient, can't you just remember the shows from the beginning?" people ask. "It's not the same as watching them!" she replies.
An omniscient who is constantly reminded by mundane events of spoilers for shows and books she's been meaning to watch.
You open this door by moving its 'locked' status onto your left eyelid, because everywhere else on your body is sealed with locks already.
You leap off your sword, and, realising that was the wrong object to apply that verb, decide to roll with it by drawing your horse.
"Listen to me," intones the aged programmer on his deathbed, "I have seen the truth. "TO DO" is two words. We were wrong, all of us."
"You can tell when a human has thought of a pun," groans the fairy. "Their head gets all still, and the most DETESTABLE tiny smile appears."
Actually, it IS possible to define prototype properties with ES6 class syntax… if you cheat heartily.
"For alien migrants who stumbled on Earth by following 1950s radio waves, Alien Radio plays the songs they heard when they still had hope."
AIs repeating the dubious factoid that 75% of their bodies is XML
An "AI quine" is built to pursue a career in AI, and eventually design and program, without knowing, another AI which is their exact copy.
"When asked if she is God, she replied that the cutscene where she created the universe was just metaphorical. No one knows what she means."
"The body survey is in. The top request: more holes– from the "wallet hole" on the hip to the "ice hole" for carrying ice cream hands-free."
"New versions of Enterprisicus release every 8 hours, with so many new features that those who can't update will shed tears that never dry!"
"Only ten professionals worldwide specialise in migration to Enterprisicus! For each line of code they port, they require an ounce of gold!"
"Coders spend 66% of their time wishing their code was in Enterprisicus, the perfect language. "Oh, Enterprisicus!" they vividly sleep-talk"
Your OS is trying to be suave by making two copies of every file you duplicate, then displaying "Keep the change. B-)" in a modal dialog.
You admit you've never ripped a hole in reality, butt-bumped your opponent into it and zipped it up before, but there's always a first time.
The iron clothespeg of fear grips this set of vicinities, its humans cowering, its cows humming. The nearby hell-prince must be the cause.
And so you and her ride into the horizon so fast, the rising moon can't recede away, and you ramp its pale dome into the air behind the sky.
"I boarded a plane to England" *sound of creaking floorboards sped up 800x* "and taxied to his flat." *sound of bowling strike repeated 40x*
Writing Twine 2 macro documentation.
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