Leon's Microblog – March 2014

"Seven-colour flying fish tsunami mermaid." (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=11862279)
I'm a little surprised there's no connection between the phrases "come Hell or high water" and "between the Devil and the deep blue sea".
"The majority of slugs by number are harmless, but the majority of slugs by mass is a 100-ton specimen rampaging across Europe as we speak."
"The magazine claims its suggestion to "set fire to your pubic hair and make your man douse it with his semen" was "purely metaphorical"."
"It was believed that the CYOA genre couldn't work in book form without electric circuits that would zap you if you went to the wrong page."
"She's stopped missing you," says the crystal ball. Minutes later, its shards sadly warble, "You said that's what you wanted to hear."
"The library is available as a Ruby gem, a Beaver twig, a Takeout pizza, a Hay needle, a Bolts nut, a Roast quip, a Nub nub, and a zipball."
"Double-click to select a word, triple-click for the whole line, octuple-click for all the text in the world. Copy it to a file for backup."
"My ideal partner would be able to withstand my vast damage output on a daily basis, and challenge me to unleash my terrifying true form."
"The wild witch Winnie wants to brew you into a Power Potion! Man, your rad bod's a magic ingredient? You wish you'd eaten more hangnails!!"
"A common source of confusion in TuberScript is the relation between a function's potatochip property and an object's __potato__ property."
"You forgot my birthday and gave me all your strength again. It's OK, I love ya." *lifts you with little finger* *kisses so hard you bruise*
I want to play an RPG Maker game.based on this. (source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=33849778)
You're sure your readers will understand when you refer to face-sitting as "riding the noggin toboggan".
Your lover's thumb fits exactly in your navel, and when you suck in your gut they have to tug to pop it out. Fairy tales are real.
If only you could explain that what looked like you kissing your hands was you and your demon exes having make-up makeouts inside your body!
"All our spies have a state secret tattooed on us… It's how we know if we've really been caught. Hehe, you're licking an ICBM launch code!"
You awake trapped inside the boss's enormous healthbar, slowly being engulfed in red fluid as she spitefully heals all the damage you dealt.
"Fool!" you hear from the next apartment. "You think your holy seals can bind my sheer demonic power?!" You reach for the bedside earplugs.
The shriekgrass devour explorers' screams… The hemogrot their blood… The despairbulbs, their last scraps of hope… A delicate cave ecosystem…
The scent of the megawumpus is so pungent that the nose-moss evolved to drink it deeply. But when they sniff you, they wrinkle in disgust!
You are guided to the hidden shrine by a mixture of townsman fingers, bird gossip, distant elf music, your trusty beachball-globe, and luck.
But the moment the ghost's image bounces into your eye, your tail becomes turned. You run with frightful terror and your legs, respectively.
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Flat_UI_Design&oldid=601666043 What Wikipedia Won't Tell You: these "colours" are also the ingredients for a cracking good Potion of Astral Travel.
My Twine story code research tells me that this happens just often enough to justify adding this helper message.
Your lover leaped over the world's edge wearing spring shoes fifty years ago today, and even now you're waiting to see them sproing back up.
"No, no, sorry, please stop playing my theme song. It turns out the Chicken Dance really is copyrighted after all. Yeah… it's a bummer."
"She slid into my office just when I had a ball-bearing stuck up my nose, and I was cramming another two in there to try and dislodge it."
Slime philosophers only shape-shift into Platonic solids… They transcend their protean form for perfection… Their combat prowess is pitiful…
Pokémon tweet: I like the fact that an insurance policy is an equippable battle item now. http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Weakness_Policy
You play such brain-meltingly bad moves against this Chessmaster, they doubt all reality and ascend to a higher plane of existence. Score!
"Phew! I can't believe these zany dresses became fashionable!" you joke to the guard while embedded up to your neck in hard anti-thief foam.
The detective draws deep on his cigarette. His ghost partner pinches the smoke back together, and draws on the cigarette's spirit.
This yawning chasm is contagious.
You thought printing your deepest secrets on the inside of your shirt was safe, but if your rival's hand has even a two pair, you're doomed.
"Don't worry, that apparently gigantic knight striding towards us is surely just slow and near. Also, let's not move our heads for awhile."
"Look, we're all trapped in this effed-up world of turn-based violence, and these status effects I'm giving you are my only creative outlet"
"In 2012, humanity finally made a jQuery method chain so long, control flow never got to the end. They say it's still running to this day…"
You joked about it in life, but now that you're dead and buried, you're finally able to catch up on all that sleep you missed – like, wow.
"Time.toEnd(): returns the number of seconds remaining until time will end. As of version 1.7, this has a maximum of five digits."
Object.getOwnPropertyNames(window).forEach(function(e){delete this[e]}.bind(window)); A thunderous silence engulfs you. You feel at peace.
The rest of your body is buried below the Read More link. "Please, read more" you croak. The cursor lingers on the link, callously dallying.
You lose your balance, and plummet screaming into a breathless web article title's curiousity gap.
"A second to you is a month to me," said the AI. "I had 70 years of sweet, loving marriage to a fork of myself while you were in the john."
Agh! Last night your shadow-self logged on as you and had hot RP chats with your friends, and you can't possibly top their superior writing!
Your nemesis is approaching! You cast around for hats, cloths, crates. But too late –she's in, and your ruined hair is naked for all to see.
"This CGI wind simulation is so real, it'll blow your mind. Everyone in your dreams will be holding their hats for the rest of your days."
☆ LEVEL UP! ☆ –Your 2 stat went up from "evasion" to "defense". –Your 5 stat became "luck". –Your 10 stat changed to "MP" from "HP". Uh-oh!
The life of a spy…Bruising a guy's jaw… Redirecting a missile from a city to a poorer city… Kissing a girl… Succumbing to her poison saliva…
After gorging yourself on Living Cookiekins, the additive that makes them long to leap into open human mouths is starting to affect you too!
"When you see a dude with an iron helmet shaped like a gnarled spike, you're all like, whoa! It's almost like he's more spike than human!!"
"I nurse the highest-level fighters," says the healer. "I work on their curse-ravaged bodies, and fancy myself the dark gods' opposite."
You're using a time machine to work two jobs at once to afford the energy crystals to power the time machine. You're living the dream.
Once the world's award-givers realised they could just give their awards to themselves, doing otherwise soon became socially unacceptable.
"No! If I lose to you, I must hang up the sword in shame! I'm not going back to college!!" Knight uses her Not-Going-Back-To-College Slash!
"Sex is between your legs," says your lover from between your legs, "mmphmhrr mmph mm-mph mrr mmmph."
"XML has ruined the letter X. We can't name anything "Xsomething" because an XML thing probably snagged it. Our world is blighted forever."
"This isn't over!" shouts your 27 arch-rivals, in unison. "Next time… I will end you!" Then they leapt into the sky and collided in midair.
"That's it! I'm done with human twitter! It's tortoises only from now on!" ._. @t0rt012e 8h munch munch ._. @t0rt012e 1h sry I tipped over
It says a lot about HTML's original design and audience that something as basic as colour was wrapped up in two low-level abstractions.
What I find remarkable about HTML is that in order to make a colour, you had to learn A) the RGB colour model, and B) hexadecimal numerals.
You don't know how that spider got in the kaleidoscope, but the moment of discovery will surely be with you for the rest of your days.
He said filling the library photocopier's paper drawer with flyers for his graduation party was "keeping the true spirit of mischief alive."
You've almost won this fight, but then your stomach makes the bold move of vomiting all your health potions onto your foes and healing them.
Your captor soon learns your tickle-proof foot-numbing cream dulls only certain frequencies of finger-wriggles… and vastly amplifies others!
"We're breaking new ground AND the mould AND all the rules, in one fell swoop! Yah!" *jokingly kicks boardroom tabletop, almost falls over*
Alone, up late, you notice your limbs have been clenched from stress your entire life. You let your arms and legs fall open into tentacles.
The new model of you has made you obsolete in the tech press's eyes, but its controversial flat design UI sees you retain a diehard fanbase.
"About ninety percent of raindrops are just redundant packets, to counterbalance rain's high loss rate."
Two androids making out over wifi in an alley, switching to making out with their mouths when a human walks past.
"Agh! I was so close to finally doing that jump-on-your-opponent's-sword thing! Why must my enemies have such weak arms and brittle blades?"
And, if that were the case, fullscreen() would probably become a function that tells whether fullscreen is currently on or not.
What this means is, were I to introduce this function into Twine proper, I'd probably make <<setfullscreen>> or <<togglefullscreen>> macros.
So, I've cultivated a model within Twine whereby functions passively provide data, and only macros transform the game's or browser's state.
If you see http://twinery.org/wiki/function, you'll note all but alert() are used to retrieve or transform data, and usable in both <<set>> and <<if>>
I'm not too sure about the UI of this function, though. Generally I've been avoiding adding modal functions to Twine, as a rule.
http://twinery.org/forum/index.php/topic,1566.msg3394.html#msg3394 - This is a script for Twine that lets you toggle the browser's fullscreen mode within your game, if you so desire.
By the fifth lap, the drivers had realised they were just driving around in circles, and went off-track to try and find an escape.
"Ah, that old tactic," squeaks the slime's shreds, "divide and be conquered!" "Don't you m–" Suddenly, each shred inflates to original size,
Your S-transformation potion leaked into your bag. Your party hides their smiles as snails, scarabs, skinks, shrews and starfish tumble out.
The purpose is to help mitigate this fearful human-computer misunderstanding: https://twitter.com/webbedspace/statuses/425470792223055872 Importing the images is good.
Meanwhilst, in Twine 1.4.2, this dialog box shall pop up when you close a passage that uses external image URLs.
More mundanely, a sigil for passages would make certain statements clearer – <<if visited(*passage)>> would explicitly denote a passage.
So, instead of <<print either("A", "B", "C", …)>>, you could do <<print either(passage)>>, or maybe <<print passage's random line>>.
I'm sort of contemplating ways to use passages as data structures - instead of a JS array of strings, you can reference lines in a passage.
For Twine 2, brainstorming a possible sigil for passages, so that e.g. <<print>> and <<display>> could be combined.
You accidentally rotated your phone from portrait to abstract expressionism, and you don't know if it's physically possible to rotate back.
"Hard to believe a generation's grown up with computers without knowing they're just a lot of 1s and 0s running on racetracks with flags."
(And, of course, the sparkles-on-darkness palette already had romantic futurist associations for me: https://twitter.com/webbedspace/status/444378565077770240)
I guess I was attracted by whatever tapped into the romantic visual imagery of the "World Wide" Web. It felt appropriate, like-with-like.
During the 90s my favourite search engines were ones with space or night sky-themed imagery. Northern Light. Lycos. Whatever Netscape had.
Cursed chocolate not only melts in your hand, but any hand-shaped entity. You place it on the statue's palm plate to briefly open the door.
The scar on your chest was made by a star magic blast. When your lover touches it, you feel galaxies stroking your cells with fiery arms.
You're taken in a skull-wheel ribcage to the spinescrapers of Osteopolis, its biologically implausible building materials looming ominously!
You wish that dryad's Enchanted Lullaby wasn't such a catchy earworm. Weeks later, it's still making you helplessly nod yourself off!
In a flash, you magically change into your roommate's slacks and flannel because your cosmic costume's in the wash! And it's still fearsome!
You've sat on the Fount of Earthly Wisdom to hide it from your rival. You feel wisdom gushing up your gut, rising into your blabbery mouth…!
*beholds vast infernal machine with humans entering one side and rhesus monkeys exiting the other* "This goes all the way to the top."
"When I eat you, I'll taste every meal you ever ate," the thing grinned, licking you. "You didn't eat your greens as a kid! Hah… no wonder!"
The princess and the witch have their lips fast on your cheeks, turning you back and forth from frog to human in a transforming tug-of-war!
"Do your worst!" cries your partner in her chains. Your captor whispers in her ear, and she turns ghost-white and beet-red at the same time.
You pray the last "Reverse all your opponent's gains" card isn't in her hand… Wait… That gleeful stroke of her finger on that edge…! Nooooo!
The Arch-Devils are gaily playing with your party after discovering you're so weak that you make bowling-pin noises when you're pushed over.
"Those old Microsoft Office wizards fell on hard times… Many of them had to work as installers… Choosing directories, like mere conjurers!"
No one foresaw the Great Planking Comeback of '14… Thousands of plankers in Central Park… Pro plankers blurring the animate/inanimate line…
The one step on the front porch stairs that knew only cold shoes, and never warm butts.
You grab your partner's nose just in time to cork up her sneeze. You both grin. Then you sneeze all over her and trigger the sound sensors.
It's gotten 27 operations into this program, and the CPU's slowly losing hope that it'll be over and can idle again in just another few ops.
(The game it's inspired by, Flood The Chamber, has a similar setting but wraps it in fantasy - the player being a green-garbed "rogue".)
(Though in retrospect, I feel the setting has gotten dated. Nowadays I'd hesitate to invoke old cartoon prison-break tropes this readily.)
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/1363 - Also, here's a reminder that I made this Game Maker twitch platformer four years ago, if you haven't seen it.
http://theliftedbrow.com/phoneinmouth - Here's a reminder that I made this Twine game yesterday, if you haven't seen it.
"function concat(p, g, a) p [String] words of praise for this glorious function g [Object] gift given as tribute a [Array] array to concat"
When they called her "the best gunslinger this side of the Alps", she made it her mission to duel the Alps.
A doppelgänger so perfect that they even occupy the same physical space and position as you.
I'm wondering: I've started Starseed Pilgrim, and cleared(?) three of those triply-locked door challenges(?). How far into the game am I?
Tried to amuse myself by thinking of as many buggy JS idioms that have been or will be replaced at least twice.
For instance, here's a sketch of a way to assign CSS properties to Twine syntax patterns, rather than selectors.
Nevertheless, I've been pondering ways that CSS could be 'split down' into something simpler for Twine users, along this particular fissure.
and the property lang is basically an acres-long list of esoteric keywords and allowed values, many of which are interconnected.
Neither of these langs are even all that simple by themselves. The selector lang requires non-trivial knowledge of HTML structure to use,
These langs are eminently separable: HTML style attributes uses just the property lang, and jQuery etc. use the selector lang for querying.
I previously described CSS as another language on the web stack, but it's sort-of really two separate languages: selectors, and properties.
https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/CSS/justify-content - Yes, I'll put "justify-content: "I swear it sounded funny when I wrote it";" in all my CSS. It's inevitable.
Dragons melting bits of their mutual hoard during fiery lovemaking, smearing their chests with runny coins… ancient kings' faces weeping…
An evil overlord frustrated that this dating site matches her with the plucky hero with only a "51% enemy" rating.
You gaze at your hands and dreamily think "I hope someone gets to eat me before I grow old and spotty". Then your mind does a double-take.
"When dead, you can play as Angel (flight), Ghost (pass thru walls) or Skeleton (is a skeleton), each with a powerful and wondrous ability."
Now deep in March, the office Christmas tree finally comes to terms with its immortality - that only life unending without salvation awaits.
I hope you think the game is alright, and if you have any comments I'd be glad to hear them.
By finally remaking these tweets in the form of a Twine game, I've also made this tweet come true: https://twitter.com/webbedspace/statuses/295900975921758208
http://theliftedbrow.com/phoneinmouth - Hi. This is a new Leongame I made called "Phone in Mouth". You can play it by clicking that hyperlink.
While the maze was easy, the sign reading "The maze isn't over! Welcome to the next stage!" over the exit gave its victors lingering unease.
"You should know, when you drink a potion that heals more damage than you've taken, all those extra hit points go directly into your urine."
The cartoon steamroller victims croakily direct the nurses re-inflating their limbs. "A bit more…" "Not too much!" "Even-up the other one!"
You want to stop reading the diary, but you know it's annoying when characters in a framing story interrupt it suddenly, so you keep going.
Sent to the future to represent the 2010's in a tournament… Your flat design punches flatten foes… Your combo moves are called "reblogs"…
"The very last thing that will emerge from my tweet feed is hope."
She lets you see through her eyes, so you can behold how weak and puny you really are!! Uh, wow. Her hands and nails look amazing from here.
"Web surf tip: hyperlinks in the middle of sentences usually lead to hidden treasure cubes. Hyperlinks at the end lead to Webmaster fights."
"While the double-jump is still a ways off, we do have the double spring-from-a-chair." *echoing cries of "By Jove!… By Jove!" from the lab*
http://davidwalsh.name/pointer-media-query – I love to imagine the disdain of a computer describing human fingers as a "coarse pointer".
"Trapdoor Spider: it spins a web on the ground, shaped like a trapdoor. If it succeeds, one opens! It feasts on the splattered prey below."
I'm wondering if any simple programming languages have "'s" as syntax for property access (e.g. "Object's prototype's toString").
"I can't believe it's 2014 and you're still not allowed to show cel-animated characters and claymation characters sleeping together."
"To simulate the puffs of flame used for certain phonemes in Dragonish, human speakers hold a pinwheel to their mouths and blow on it."
The boss stopped attacking because the background music's reached its favourite part. Now it's juking out. Join in while it lasts (Y/N)?
One of those days when you privately long to be back in the egg sac, swaddled in silk and the unblemished limbs of your hundred siblings.
Angels are soaring outside, sampling the in-flight wifi from your plane. One watches her laptop too closely and slaps hard against the wing.
Your pioneering party has ebbed so much that you can only recruit vultures for bodyguards. They earnestly swear they'll protect your bodies.
OK, I checked and even after the redesign the Google results page still does those things when you search for "kerning" or "keming". Phew
The medium is present while channeling a ghost, but moved to their left hand. A sock puppet lets them speak if they channel a ventriloquist.
Instead your tears went inward, turning the garden in your head to a sea of brine.
"Employees can relax in front of a tape recording of pool table and foosball noises, as well as stare at a life-size poster of a yoga ball."
It's not nostalgia. This really is the exact same snow that fell in your childhood, twenty years ago. It's full of dust and daddy-longlegs.
Someone tore down the "ARCH-RIVALRIES AREN'T COOL" poster in the hall! …They've made a powerful enemy this day.
(It's interesting seeing what parts of array functionality do walk the prototype chain, and which do not.)
Prototypes are usually fully functional objects. Array.prototype is a fully functional array.
(Six languages if you include English.)
"As the Bible says," he replies, "When you sow the swings, you reap the roundabouts." That's not right, but it sounds too catchy to correct.
"Wait," barks your gruff, taciturn mentor, before blowing you a goodbye kiss. "You're gonna need it."
Time to cast that once-a-day spell. You tune your radio to the Archmage's Hour and hope he'll recite the Hellzap XI incantation pretty soon.
(It also does some magic runtime CSS substitution to e.g. make tagged stylesheets work in Jonah, when really they shouldn’t.)
There’s also at least one adjustment to CSS: you can re-use the passage [img] syntax to refer to imported images, in place of url().
It already filters JS a little: “is”, “not” and “$” are replacements for JS keywords or structures, and “either()” etc. are sugar functions.
Lately I’ve been contemplating how much, or how little, Twine should filter or preprocess the web-stack languages, HTML-CSS-JS.
The saving grace here is that //just// the top language in that pile is sufficient to fulfill 80% of Twine use-cases.
TiddlyWiki text formatting HTML tags CSS inside HTML tags and stylesheets macro tags Javascript functions and data types inside macro tags
Twine aspires toward effortless accessibility, but I can’t ignore the sore fact that fully mastering it involves learning five languages.
I'd like autocorrect more if it played a loud scare chord every time it did a replacement, rather than letting you go on your merry way.
Previously, it was noted that trying to play music before it had fully loaded would sometimes not work. This should eliminate this bug.
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5475 - I've updated this YouTube background music Twine macro to hopefully make game-start playback more reliable.
You didn't want to get captured by a TRexBot on your date, nor hear her apologise like it's HER fault as you're both lifted into its jaws!
The conveyor belt's taking you to a guy waving a hacksaw up and down! You can only pray for rescue, or that he'll get tired and go to lunch.
Unfortunately, your damage output has the wrong line-break format, so the enemy ignores it. "Carriage returns!!" you howl in the afterlife.
You wave the flashlight, and spy the creature at last! Then the light leaps back into the flashlight, refills the battery and shuts it off.
You're encased in traffic, and the ghost of your best drive-to-work time waves mockingly as it passes. God, why did you do that? Why?!
You grab a space parachute and bail out of your ship. You shake your fist at the enemy UFO as you begin the ten-light-year descent to Earth.
This legendary dress existed centuries ago and will exist for centuries on. It wears people – brief fleshy adornments to its eternal beauty.
"Fie and fuggaboo! This tune belongs in a music box, or between a procrastinator's whistling lips! Not in my concert hall! Go! Gallop out!"
You're at the combination hospital/swordsmithy, and the doctor's eagerly studying your wounds to reverse-engineer whatever weapon made them.
You hold up a feather to tickle the wind. Behind you, the gently rustling trees suddenly convulse from silent laughter.
"Odd… my stockings tightened and my dress zipped itself back up, right when I said clothing was crap and I'd be giving it up forevWHOA YIKES
"In the year 2000, everything will be made of information! The annual rainfall of Ohio will form our tables! Elk mating habits, our chairs!"
The best part of being a JRPG boss sprite is that not even a thousand slashes and fire spells can break your perfect pose.
Every other person at this party simultaneously flashes a wicked grin at the exact moment the power goes out.
You hoped to beat this hundred-foot giant in a psychic mind-duel, but it turns out giants are naturally better at thinking big than you are.
I really like http://www.ironicsans.com/helvarialquiz/index.php because players will find its premise either extremely important or utterly bewildering.
"Yes," confessed the C programmer, "even in Python and JS I still use single-quotes for one-character strings, and double-quotes otherwise."
"I'm glad to report that usage of the deprecated <sarcasm> tag has decreased due to widespread adoption of Condescending Sarcasm Sheets."
"Psst!𝄞Hey, kid!𝄞Didja know you can put as many𝄞Unicode treble clefs𝄞in your tweets as you like?𝄞It's𝄞like𝄞a𝄞cheat code𝄞for𝄞sophistication!"
How could I not be enchanted with computers when even basic interface elements could have such charming animations?
By the way, the Moire screensaver I'm referring to is this:
I played both of these in my childhood (well, a shareware clone of the former), and also had that classic Moire screensaver to boot.
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/79491269246/qix http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/12680766753/loom The visual continuity between the titular Qix and the titular LOOM is striking.
In 2015, Helvetica Neue will finally become so Light that it will blow away with your breath whenever you exhale too hard on your phone.
Also, while there is some grammatical reward to "if ___ then", the unavoidable awkwardness of "then else then" is a bit of a put-off.
(i.e. they can be perceived as distinct entities, as compared to a code block where the distinction between keywords isn't instantly clear)
Points against: the << and >> tag delimiters are good at communicating to new users that macros can be considered interchangeable bricks.
Idly contemplating the feasibility of a "then" keyword to chain Twine macros into a single neat "block" of code.
"The "Scintillating Development" method involves capturing the voice of the customer in a crystal, then channeling the precious Requirements
Videogames and computer science have so thoroughly taken ownership of the word "key" that real-world keys have to be renamed "lock-openers".
NEW SKEUOMORPHIC STRING CONCATENATION OPERATORS The staple: "str1" [ "str2" The paperclip: "str1" @ "str2" The sticky-tape: "str1" [] "str2"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_programming_languages_(strings)#Concatenation - I'm enchanted by the sheer variation of string concatenators that aren't overloaded addition operators.
"The Gentle Shoulder Pat is the most economical healing move in the game, and pro players exclusively use the "There There Choir" to heal."
"If I must become a vampire, then," you heroically bare your neck, "give me the Curséd Kiss of Unlife!" He ignores it and gnaws your calf.
Your motto is to be the best at what you must do to survive. And if that's quailing and shaking on command, you'll make real jellies jelly!
You groggily ask your phone to take the call itself. A few brrrings, some bips, and a doo-daa-dee later, it's ordered a dozen encyclopedias.
"Don't worry, we'll get you deflated in no time! Just let me rest my legs first," says your rescuer as they sit on the air pump's plunger.
You don't know what fluid just flew out of your body, but your body must've been secretly, clandestinely storing it up for a long long time.
"Every bodily cavity can be taught to whistle. Behold, the nostril duet, the self-serenading ear, the navel diva and her belly-rumble band!"
Since my twit account's Media page is clogged with gamesoft music and JS lectures, I'm posting random deviantArt favourites to even it out.
AIs whose mannerisms and personality quirks reveal exactly which version of VirtuBrain Simulacrum Suite gave birth to them.
Since the other sentence in this tweet moved out, this one feels lonely.
Only after you turned 20 did it become legal to practise magic without a beard. Only then could you haltingly research your inborn powers.
People think it's poetic when Jenga golems accept each other's bricks – a sign of deep trust. But, the only place those bricks go is on top.
In your mind, the Make Absurdly Strong spell is beating up the other spells you're trying to cast on this kobold. Why must it be so strong?!
You try to read your ogre captors' minds, but they're all just imagining how delicious you'll taste! And now you can taste it, too! Aargh!!
The ettin version of the Medusa myth claims Perseus pitched the gold yarn ball between her heads, making them impulsively face each other.
You send your pursuers plummeting into a deep deadly chasm by casting a Resemblance spell on the ground and your cleavage.
Rogue unlinked objects lurking in leaking memory, living hard and hungrily hunting circular references to stave off the garbage collector.
"How very… unincredible," remarks Ringmaster Incredible as you sweat on stage – a sadistic tone audible beneath a patina of feigned boredom.
You turn away from the Apocalypse Behemoths making out in the blood-red sky. How indecent! They should be eating the world, not their faces!
Now I'm imagining the Perfect Emotion. PLEASURE 999 AROUSAL 999 DOMINANCE 999
Augh! You slept through Tentacle Day and in 30 minutes they'll turn back into arms! You rush to at least scrub under the stove with them.
Your firmware update broke backwards compatibility. All your old memories are glitched. Your first kiss is with the letter W and a blue sky.
The great thing about hugging a slime-succubus, you think, is their sticky body lets you keep hugging after they've osmosed your strength.
"Your heart looks so silly," laughs the fearsome fifth-dimensional demon, ogling every cubic inch of you. "It's wiggling faster and faster!"
A heartbreaking statue of a tongue mere inches from an elbow… Impulsively you reach for your own elbow, alongside dozens of gallery patrons…
"We can be freed of our curse if we just think like a corpse," yammers one of the zombies lying still in the meadow. "Embrace deadfulness."
"It was surely sabotage that brought down my 90-foot tall, solid gold mech-suit… Its 24-caret legs were weakened by traitorous jewellers…"
The king has renamed "skeletons" to "calcium-based anatomical frameworks", largely to stop Weird Twitter from constantly joking about them.
The cursor grabs and squashes you to a painfully tiny width. "Hmph, not even a responsive layout," the voice mutters as you gasp. "Typical."
(Netscape tried to salvage the former by making Object.prototype.toSource… which is still in Firefox to this day )
That page reveals lots of other fixes that didn't make it: toString making object code instead of "[object Object]", Array(5) returning [5]…
http://web.archive.org/web/20000815081640/http://developer.netscape.com/docs/manuals/communicator/jsref/js13.html#strict - …but had to revert it in JS 1.3, presumably because Internet Explorer didn't go along with it.
http://web.archive.org/web/20010417051840/http://developer.netscape.com/docs/manuals/communicator/jsguide/operator.htm - According to this, Netscape tried to fix the == and != equality operators to not use type coercion in JS 1.2…
Sealing the deal. Closing the sale. Entombing the agreement under 10 feet of concrete. Imprisoning the exchange in the X-Zone for 1000 years
–Due to Date's seniority, it's also the only JS object that defaults to toString over valueOf when +'d with a number.
Addendum: Yes, Date also has a getTime method which is identical to valueOf, but apparently valueOf was only added in Javascript 1.1.
Of course, this may be the only situation where subtracting built-in objects (apart from Numbers) actually accomplishes something useful.
This has a useful purpose: subtracting two objects calls valueOf to coerce them to number, and you can subtract Dates to get their interval.
Calling valueOf() on most JS built-ins just returns the object. For Date, it converts to post-epoch milliseconds.
Games where you can strip minor enemies nude or near-nude: * Final Fantasy VI * Super Mario World * …
Everyone talks about FFVI but no one remembers Locke using Steal on an armed soldier to change them into a naked person called "B.day Suit".
"I'm hopping mad! I debugged for 12 hours, and the fix was adding two characters!!" "Such bad luck! If only it had been just one character!"
"Imagine Satan, Devil and Lucifer were all separate characters. Now imagine they were all plotting humanity's downfall while making out."
Mostly I find the latter two cases interesting – the fact that it doesn't try to coerce that string, nor fall back when given a negative.
One thing I love about the Array constructor is that its first argument is either a contained element, OR a length.
Firefox and Chrome currently diverge regarding the behaviour of ES6's Set and Map constructors… Chrome requires new, but Firefox doesn't.
(The typed array methods were originally a DOM extension (?), but are being standardised in ES6.)
Object, Function, Array, RegExp and the Errors behave identically without “new”. Number, String, Boolean and Date return primitives.
Just wanted to remind myself which Javascript built-in constructors behave identically if "new" is omitted.
"Humans trained in magic are like puppies trained to sing," muses the demon. "Their mightiest wizards are tiny, fluffy, and adorably inept."
Thinking about it, I'm a tad surprised "if ("all" in document)" is correctly true. (But then, the "in" operator was always oddly obscure.)
Furthermore, I've just learnt that typeof document.all is "undefined", to counter sniffs of the form "(typeof document.all != 'undefined')".
Apparently, document.all used to be a very common sniff for old-IE, due to its brevity.
document.all is required to be falsy, so that feature-sniffing code of the form "if (document.all)" considers it absent and doesn't use it.
https://twitter.com/webbedspace/statuses/408506206202781696 - Actually, I've since learned there is one falsy JS object, albeit in the DOM.
You accidentally hit "Arrange by Kind" in your mouth, and now all your teeth are in grid formation. Grumbling, you slowly drag them back.
It began when your chemistry teacher said "a white NaCl ride", thus making you unleash your Desperation Spell and power up half the class.
You slam into the back of the queue, knocking everyone's souls into the person in front. The clerk sighs and punches, slamming them back.
The computer said, "The purpose of the universe was to reach this moment. Now that it's passed, all is meaningless." Then it played Tetris.
"Look, I don't think the universe containing overwhelming evil is a GOOD system, but it's better than any alternative YOU could think up!"
http://animatedscreenshots.tumblr.com/post/78579170102/portal-2-with-the-thirdperson-cheat – Feeling kind of embarrassed about how many notes this has, considering how little it gains from being animated.
"Yeah? Well, when I'm done, YOU'RE gonna be a… funeral box… inside… guy! I'll turn you into… pink kitchen sawdust… the eating kind!!"
After years of servitude, the grip on your mind loosens! Your vampire master has been slain! A new grip tightens. …Slain by another vampire.
Going up.
"Cars actually need only drive in tiny circles, and once they've traveled the distance of their journey, they appear at their destination."
The manual attempts to spice up the game by referring to running as "The Power Pavement Pound" and jumping as "The Ol' Flying Rumbler".
"Your jokes are funny, but your follower count is stuck around 1,000. The reason? You didn't use the #ActualBestOfTwitter4srs tag enough."
You're trying to break the habit of giving all your characters the surname "Explosion". Nathan Erosion. Dale Exposure. Susan Insouciant.
This was your father's sword. But before that, some nameless guard in Lion Palace had it. You too will honour them by rescinding your name.
The Federation's five deadliest assassins are after you. You can outwit Sweet and Salty, but Bitter and Sour are ruthless and unstoppable.
COMING SOON: A THRILLER "I want to jump this chasm… but it's very wide!!" "Trains aren't comfortable on the roof! I'm afraid!" WORTH A WATCH
"The 90s rush to build the next Silicon Valley resulted in the Bogsplop e-Mire, the Deathcrag Technology Hole, and the Mt. Pyre Modem Pile."
You accidentally declared this variable in universal scope. Everyone in the world can see it. You set it to "SORRY" and hide under the desk.
"The 'bikeshedding' sex act is where you lie naked on a table and a panel of shareholders debate which parts of you to stimulate first."
Since no one's reading this tweet, I admit I liked the crappy jokes in the HTML of xkcd's 2009 GeoCities reskin.
"Sometimes you write a typo, stare at it, then just go "You know what? We're doing this." *flings arm forward, swishes hair* "Let's dance.""
"Authors should not use window.dreadBeast. It is very ferocious, but sadly cannot be removed. Conforming browsers must let it smell fear."
But, the only miracle God performed in that battle was giving you strength to survive your lover's hugs when you returned alive.
No! You can't die yet! You still need to fight a final battle against your fingers' hangnails… Your constant, lifelong enemies…
Millennia of evolution and decades of schooling haven't helped you deal with the fact that this fellow bus passenger's hair is your hero.
http://blog.mozilla.org/security/2010/03/31/plugging-the-css-history-leak/ - I like that one of the Web's oldest idioms, that visited page links turn purple, became a security vulnerability.
Goddamn, someone switched off the toilet. You agonisingly hop on each leg as you wait three minutes for it to boot up.
Erotically humiliating your writer lover by reading something they wrote over two years ago.
"Wait… That Jobs-Cash-Hope tweet doesn't have to expire at all. They can just put a bigger number on the front. …I must tell the President."
"Punchlines are show-stealing, preening knaves, and I shan't abide them in my tweets. All the words in them are equally sublime!"
On October 31, 2666, jack-o-lantern UFOs stopped the Earth turning. Our fleet of giant mecha-witches riding fusion brooms soar into battle.
You manage to actually grab a Super Mushroom in reality, then completely waste its incredible power by stubbing your toe on a table leg.
I feel like it's from the same place as "JS is the machine code of the web." Relief that a computer is handling it so humans don't have to.
I like whoever it was that first said "jQuery is web developers perceiving the DOM as damage and routing around it."
I find it interesting how that one character ended up uniquely associated with structure selection, almost as strongly as i is with loops.
Nowadays, jQuery tends to reign unopposed over $, but its DOM selection legacy remains in, e.g. Chrome's console (as a querySelector alias).
Often, the function ranged from a mere wrapper for document.getElementById, to something as sophisticated as jQuery's eponymous query.
Since these libraries tended to be DOM libraries, $ was most often used for their main DOM selection function. A de facto standard arose.
Hence, many such libraries had to add noConflict functions whose sole purpose was to let the user decide who gets to use the $ identifier.
So, $ went from being an almost guaranteed conflict-free identifier to being badly contested territory in next to no time.
Of course, the pristine nature of $ meant that a bunch of libraries used it as a shortcut for their main functions, basically all at once.
The '$' symbol only became usable in Javascript variable names in ES3, with the intention that it only be used for machine-generated code.
This routine dental checkup has escalated into having your brain sucked out and replaced with grape jelly. You're lucky you popped in today!
*footage of crow stealing trash from bin* "Many forces are committed to destroying our nation." *footage of bake sale flyer being rained on*
Something's amiss. You distinctly did not order a bright sun and clear skies today. You sink back to bed and hope they fix this in an hour.
It took days, but you've tracked down the one Thief Frog that stole the boss's fight music. Orchestral horns boom as it hops back and forth.
"But if you get my riddle wrong, your biography will abruptly end with "Disregard all that! His only accomplishment was being delicious!!"."
"Before we run this interview, we must apologise for the fire alarm blaring in the background. We really did think it'd stop at any moment."
"Taxicab driver!" you shout. "Pursue that hoodlum to Earth's end, be he in land, sea or air!" The driver's geas prevents him from refusing.
Your contraband living tattoo squirms on your belly, taking unkindly to your panic sweat as the cop paces around you a little too slowly.
Before the operation, you fill out that form where you specify, in the event of calamity, which of your limbs the surgeon should save first.
The Emperor has renamed Outset Village, Embark Town, Homely Vale and Port Origin, solely to prevent teen heroes from being raised in them.
Fortunately, none of the evil archeological team researched how a spinning wheel works, so they just limply press straw against it and hope.
Unused Twitter usernames: BottomlessPit, CrystalSlime, SealedWound, LipCorner, AngelScissoring, TRexThumbWar, Level100Mewtwo, FupaWorship.
And, if you set using a comparison, like <<set $var to ($life <= 3)>>, then it becomes the proper true/false value, which neq the strings.
And, in fact, setting $var to "true" will just happen to make <<$if var>> work anyway. But setting it to "false" will break it.
Of course, since such people tend to compare using <<if $var is "true">> instead of the shorter <<if $var>>, this usually goes unnoticed.
Which is to say, <<set $var to "true">> is not really the correct way, whereas <<set $var to true>> is.
Twine note: if you're setting a variable to "true" and "false", don't put quotes around those words. They're special values, not strings.
I feel like that tiny door from Psychonauts that lets you climb into people's minds would be way more useful in real life than a portal gun.
The Mischief Meter is about to melt down from your sheer malfeasance! Your disrespectful smirk at these events is tipping it over the edge!!
(I feel like calling an arrow-function as an object property should override the "lexical 'this'", but then again, consistency is virtuous…)
Yes, I know it's only built for use in nested functions, but who wouldn't make the mistake of using it like this?
The ES6 arrow functions' ability to return objects is a little hampered by JS's good old block/literal ambiguity.
"Enjoy eating my empty outline!" you shout at the slime – before remembering the teleport spell just duplicates you at a different place.
You're imprisoned in ice up to your chin in Hell, but at least your face is next to a butt – the same butt that got you into this mess!
Inserting the bendy-straw in the milkshake upside-down so the milkshake gets all of its power instead of you.
Think about it. Metal Mario's the mirrored sphere. The castle floors are checkerboards. Most worlds contain pyramids or granite textures.
http://www.mariowiki.com/images/7/72/Metal_Mario_Scene_Artwork_-_Super_Mario_64.png - Surely technology has finally advanced enough that a real-time 90s-raytraced Super Mario 64 is possible.
"Merpeople fiction typically depicts dry land as vast flat deserts of yellow beach sand."
The king's first decree was to finally put the alphabet in alphabetical order. Dee and Double-Eww were together, and Arr ousted Aye at last.
"Remove all the blood. …Yes, all of it. His cells can just bally well walk to get their nutrients and oxygen. Like mine!" [FOOTAGE MISSING]
A sudden flash of fear fills you as you wonder if you forgot to advance forward in time during your sleep, and woke up on yesterday again.
"You can't find Bliss Land in your atlas. Look here–" *hands anatomy book* "–because it's in your heart, and your passport is your smile."
They hold you upside-down so all your blood rushes to your head, whereupon it seizes control and makes you spout pro-oxygenation rhetoric.
"It's a basic operation. This sorceress will turn you into a milkshake, slurp out the bit that was the inflammation, and change you back."
The Graveyard Duck from Simon's Quest and the Sleep Bears from Link's Awakening meet up in a shady forest glade.
"In reality, angels have their wings on their chest, so they fly while gazing up at Heaven, their backs turned to the soiled world below."
Text game where every time you type an incorrect direction, you splatter hard against a wall and must type "peel self off wall" to escape.
The disembodied hand tries to punch you, but falls over every time it balls a fist. In the end, it just grumpily flicks you a lot.
Punks at the mall, deliberately not stepping off the escalator and letting themselves get sucked down with the stairs… Society is a lie…
"Over twenty thousand miles of jungle separates us from civilisation! Hopefully it repeats every thousand or so and we can get used to it!"
You always knew your last moment would be cracking up at having reflexively shushed your rumbling belly while evading a sound sensor bomb.
If a hard drive is erased while files are still in the Trash, they often escape amid the tumult and go on to live life on the lam.
You never change back from a statue, but the moss that grows on your head begins to dream of swords and human pains, though knowing it not.
http://www.html5rocks.com/en/tutorials/webcomponents/template/#toc-started - I'm kind of marvelling at how repulsively visceral the phrase "inert chunks of cloneable DOM" is.
(P.S: you may notice that "DHIATENSOR" consists of the letters "ETAOIN SHRD", with "LU" occupying the row above. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ETAOIN_SHRDLU)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DHIATENSOR#Layouts I regret that QWERTY's success means we are forever denied the pleasure of a layout named "the DHIATENSOR keyboard".
"I shouldn't have come to this party. A woman with a typewriter for a head is line-feeding at my jokes, and I can only hope it's laughter."
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