Leon's Microblog – October 2010

http://l.j-factor.com/screenshotmaps.php - I've been making a few screenshot maps of Game Maker games and Macintosh games.
"Look, I can't ask for help from my subordinates lest I lose authority, and I can't ask for help from my superiors lest I lose competence."
"Do you think," he asked his therapist, "it's wrong that I only really open up to people who I consider to be much stupider than me?"
He didn't know his friend had a Spanish pen-pal. Now he'd have to learn another language! Stealing the guy's mail was such hard work.
"And that's Jed. He steals printer paper to make origami animals in his cube all day. We keep him on because he never cashes his paychecks."
"If you'd mowed my lawn properly, kid, you'd have found my payment in change scattered in the high grass in the corners. So get back to it!"
"And I thought, why would a building be tethered to the ground?" He split the last chain, and the castle began to rise into the air.
"No, I'm sorry, dental fillings don't make you a cyborg. Go away."
"While running the 46th kilometre, keep your eyes away from the ground, lest you see that you are no longer above Hell but well inside it."
"And then I just became cognizant of how damn happy I was feeling, and started becoming really anxious that this feeling would go away."
"I snuck into the factory where they make toilet roll holders, and came back with this, the legendary toilet roll holder... holder."
"The committee investigating the destruction of planet Sugarsugar has reached a conclusion: we all have to stop licking the ground."
The only time he ever thought of his dog as an autonomous, independently willed creature was long after it had ran away.
She could still feel and hear the elevator rising, so why hadn't it stopped yet? She grew concerned. The floor number was now well past 400.
She offered to throw down his forgotten open umbrella from her fifth-floor window, and of course it blew clean away. A mistake, or malice?
"I can solve this," he said. He grasped the table on which the Towers of Hanoi were resting, and rotated it 180 degrees. "Done."
"It's a 10 tonne granite bust of George W. Bush. The gallery really wants to get rid of it, but no one knows how to move it."
"I'm home!... Why are you all holding flashlights? And why is all of the furniture and the carpet pushed against the right wall?"
http://flic.kr/p/8Jue5a - There is a slug on my hand.
Some souls weren't lucky enough to possess an intact human corpse. They had to resort to mannequins, teddy bears, anything vaguely bipedal.
"Every year since then, on my birthday, there has been pounding rain. His little reminder that he filed the weather machine patent first."
"This rainbow bridge is at the wrong place for us to cross over! Is our solipsist looking at it from the right spot, mayhap?"
"Look, when you say 'irreplaceable'... that doesn't mean they were actually any good, right?"
"Sorry, but being an IT professional doesn't make me a 'nerd'. I'm part of a serious mainstream profession that DON'T TOUCH MY KNUTH CHECK!"
"Why do the zombies hate alarm clocks so much?" "Easy - they're not zombies. They're sleepwalkers." "...What?"
To his sylph daughter, the King bequeathed all of his kingdom 20 feet above ground level. To his gnome daughter, all 20 feet below ground.
"Their opposing armies have been stationed yards apart for hundreds of years - four generations of soldiers, in unbreakable stalemate."
"So it's like yin and yang... but yang always beats yin?" "But even then, there is symmetry. For to be a winner, there must exist a loser."
"I can't wait for another pythia to be chosen!" bellowed the King. "I'll hear the Gods' words myself!" He jammed his head into the fissure.
"Okay, subconscious. You win. I'm beat. You can make me say whatever stupid things you want now. I won't stop you."
"I'm so freakin' anxious about my thesis that I don't need to exercise anymore! My heart's been goin' a mile a minute for the past week!"
I slowly walk toward the shuttle. The crowd smiles, but knows I will not be returning alive. A baby gives me the world's tiniest thumbs-up.
"How come no one 'as ever sawed a MAN in half, eh?" asked the lady. The magicians blushed and momentarily looked downward.
"Gents, start all 60 of your eggtimers. I shall return in triumph before they run down, in 3 hours!" "Sir, eggtimers don't work like that."
"There are ten unbreakable laws for this kind of writing. Your work has broken three of them, and the other seven do not exist."
"You talking about Dad now? Gosh, it's not like I don't already have enough things to force myself not to think about!"
Black night had fallen. But, the princess's delicate hand could still feel the trail of breadcrumbs. Slowly, they crawled out of the woods.
"If I meet someone who claims to like it, I will laugh in their face, and I will pump my fist in triumph if my laughs bring them to tears."
"Don't worry, darling, we all make mistakes - terrible, terrible, irreversible mistakes that hurt people we love - sometimes."
"That's not milk, that's Dracula's blood. ...What, you thought he was pale just because of the immortal life thing?"
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