"You should've warned me about his Fist of the Snake. Soon as he used it, I instantly wondered why it was called that. Then he punched me."
"The final step in magic wand enchantment is trifurcated: have it struck by lightning, grow an oak tree around it, or cast it into the sea."
"We weren't really sure what the difference between 'cold iron' and ordinary iron was, so we just bunged some knives into our deep freeze."
"I don't know what happened to your cash! To suggest that I took it is very brash!" "You're rhyming again. You always rhyme while lying."
"YOUR MOTHER has been here FIFTEEN MINUTES and she's already trained the cat TO COVER ITS MOUTH WHEN IT YAWNS!"
True story: I fought to free myself from sleep paralysis because I was afraid of being attacked by a lion.
"The Big Bang was really the first of numerous mistakes," she replied. "I personally would have done it much less hastily and wastefully."
http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/1205 - Here's a game about lava, meteors, and jumping over lava and onto meteors.
"What happens to cheese when you melt and then refreeze it? Just wondering because we're gonna nosedive into the sun in a few minutes."
By a vote of 5 to 4, the plural of "possum" has been changed to "possa", and the collective noun of possa is now "a posse".
"But just before the princess and the virtuous beggar parted ways forever, they made out! Full-on slobbery nose-to-nose toothsucking!"
"And when you say he's your "guru", I assume you don't mean he personally taught you The Secret in a $3000 'desert consultation'."
And so, in a pie dish boat, with a sail sewn from rice pudding skin, the boy, the girl and the mouse sailed in search of the Sugar Shaker.
So far their scientific knowledge has surpassed 'drawing chalk around a puddle' and they are now mastering 'carrot tops on a wet saucer'.
"So this horror movie is called 'The Brain That Died Then Changed Its Mind'. ...And 'mind' is underlined."
He then amazed his listeners by uttering a chain of phonemes which conveyed all of the information of an hour-long interview in 2 minutes.
"I'm the only man to ever run a four-minute mile on horseback. I ran on the spot on top of the horse."
If you step on a butterfly while visiting the Jurassic era, you must travel back a little further and step on the butterfly's grandfather.
She says that she 'shrinks' people and objects by just pushing them into an extra spatial dimension, and they are actually 'further away'.
"Also, to describe my kilometre-tall molten mountain masterpiece as "just a pile of dirt and lava" is to earn my greatest brand of ire."
"This is a luxury-quality digital cable! The ones sound like twos, and the zeros sound like capital O's!"
Plot: Detective asked to cover up death of crime author by writing the end to his last story. (The story turns out to be THIS very story.)
Plot: The dead demand that the living leave more and more flowers on their graves, or they will all rise up.