Leon's Microblog – December 2009

"Oh, I'm just waiting for the sun to rise," he replied while cradling his shotgun.
"To rise above the poisoning atmosphere, I magically stacked the three tallest skyscrapers to make this tower, where we must live our life."
"Ah!" cried the old scientist as the bullets continued to miss Dan. "Is this truly proof of quantum immortality... or actual immortality?!"
"YOU! You have broken the most sacred oath against spilling blood in this-" "It was a mosquito! It... it broke it first!"
He'd set out on jogs. Jogs that degenerated into walks. Walks that, even then, degenerated into forced marches.
"No, young one, the rain-into-sand spell is most certainly not the fastest way to make a desert of a rainforest. Any other guesses?"
"Step on a crack, break yer ma's back!" shouted a nearby youth. "Damn you! I'm missing a bus!" gasped the man as he looked to the pavement.
When he realised that all of his family had died in the Earth's nova, he felt sad. He only wept when he realised his dog had died too.
Here's a hack I did of the game Spelunky: http://j.mp/Screenlunky
"The roaring rain sounds like the applause of a thousand giants. I must be doing an award-winning performance, here in this gutter."
"I just realised there's a double meaning in the phrase 'doing my taxes'!" "...which is?"
"Behold the Elite Chimera Troops - men's bodies implanted with fists of steel, the muscles of bulls and the brains of the most loyal dogs."
The warlord howled, and drew his blade for the killing blow... and found that his page had glued macaroni and glitter on his sword again.
"In terms of fiendishness, I can only give this a rating of one imp out of a possible Satan."
Never before had the Sullen Princess ever looked so happy than when she left that dark room, grinned, and shrieked "THAT MOVIE SUUUUUCKED!"
Facing away from the massive mirror, he quietly asked, "Reflection?" There was a pause, and then his own voice replied "Yes?"
"Ahaha!" cried the Mailmaster. "You may have burnt up all my letters, but I took the precaution of READING and MEMORISING every single one!"
"I am Unspecified Freelance because I will do a great job of ANYTHING you ask of me. Sleuthing. Catering. Web design. Carpentry. Murder."
They named their new home, their new Earth, "Planet". It was, after all, the only one that survived.
"Your 'compromise compromise', in which you agreed to accept one compromise, was - do I have this right - fulfilled by itself?"
"It's it's it's like your blood is full of honey and your flesh is full of enough energy to fly all the way around the moooooon!!!"
"The only survivor of my 5,000 beautiful jigsaw soldiers. And he's a blue sky piece."
"The punch-line is that the spaceship full of zombies was in a... decaying orbit. Sorry if that... wasn't clear."
"Trapped in a mirror maze in pitch darkness! Good thing I wore my glow-in-the-dark tux."
Though all of the grapes parted ways once they left the vine, by pure luck they were reunited as sultanas in the same slice of fruit-toast.
All three of the kids found their hands mysteriously stuck to their kites' handles. Then Amy's kite pulled, and she was lifted into the air.
As a child, he'd dropped that Power Rangers figurine into this park lake, and now, as a man, he would take it back with his own hands.
Even a week into the expedition, he found it surprisingly hard to bring himself to empty his bowels on the glimmering desert sands.
"My faith forbids me from damaging their bodies, but," - and at this the Zombie Hunter uncoiled a rope - "I'm real good with a lasso."
I dreamed that a small crowd of people was looking frantically for you. I don't know where they are now, but tell me if you ever meet them.
"The last thing I saw as that stranger ran his car right over me was a little puppy sitting beside him. The cutest puppy in the whole wi-"
"The south kingdom, in a futile gesture of good will, built half a bridge over the middle canyon. To this day it stands, all alone."
"Y'see, these jar lids are just a ruse. No one can unscrew 'em. Y'have to just stab a hole in the lid with a knife to get the stuff out."
"The thing about this brand of tea is, each cup gives you sudden mild amnesia, so you forget that you ever drank it. So, you make another."
"Instead of a clock, his watch held a petri dish. It showed him that life is beautiful outside of goals or purpose. I fired him in 4 days."
"Here is a knife. It is a bad knife. It only cuts by accident. Bad bad knife."
"I'm the Jansen family," said the enormous snowman. "These cross-country trips are much easier if we, er, bundle together."
"From the icy depths of Hell comes a billion snowmen's rage!" he thundered as he pulled the trigger. Then, the sun imploded.
There's now a page for Webbed Space Arcade. http://l.j-factor.com/gamemaker/
"What does your species eat?" she asked, watching him slice increasingly wider strips from the potato. "We eat surface area," he replied.
"Put this little shell to your ear. Hear that? That's the waves crashing at Skegness. Agent W is there, right now. Listen for his voice."
"I heard your prophecy mentioned a man with three hands," he said as he revealed the dismembered arm to which he was handcuffed.
The vase was laced with deliberate flaws, so that when it shattered, the fragments took the shape of the letters in the Wizard's true name.
Day 41: the ineffectiveness of the 'just go around it' solution to the Great Wall of China is taking its toll on the Mongol band's sanity.
"Whoa, hang on, you mean ever since my ma died I've been sleeping on a wooden altar to... what kinda demon didja say it was?"
She glanced through the window. A huge bowl was pounding on the door. "Who is it, my love?" said the spoon. "My father," whispered the dish.
"Hard to believe that the last piece of wood in all the world is this one lonely chopstick here, yes?" he said. The vampire remained silent.
"Since when did girl scouts get nanoarmour?"
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