Leon's Microblog – November 2009

Behold these, the Lips of the Frog Prince's Queen. Mummified and affixed to this rod, it brought forth the Swamp Army of Belgrade.
The Ill-Begotten Artifact Cabal (founded in a 3-digit year) is dedicated to acquiring objects that etched red gashes in the brow of history.
"I flipped over the calendar, only to find December sliced out! A practical joke 12 months in the making!"
"No! Wrapping yourself in toilet paper is the key to this whole case! He wrapped up, wrote the map on his chest, and rolled it back up!"
I intend to incorporate several more games into the anthology at some time in the future, as well as polish the ones already included!
The fifth game is Delirious Breakout. It's a bit hard to classify it as a breakout game. Hitting the bricks is the least of your concerns.
The fourth game is a one-stage demo of a game called The Last Mounty. It is a side-scrolling bullet hell game.
The third game is called Stuff Invaders. It is a very basic game, and is mostly a homage to the monochrome Macintosh.
The second game is called Heart of Gold. You may have played it before, but now it has a 'no spinning' mode that is a little bit easier.
The first game is called Extreme Breakout. It is based, mostly, on this forum post: http://is.gd/55ULX
Today was my birthday, but in defiance of tradition, here's a present for you: a small game anthology. http://j.mp/WebbedSpaceArcadeV1
Experiment 1: http://j.mp/7HHAY7 Experiment 2: http://j.mp/7yoM5p Experiment 3: http://j.mp/8Hxk0w
In January I made a New Year's resolution to start a webcomic before I turn 23. Now only a few hours remain. IT IS TIME TO BECOME LEGENDARY.
"Q1: if your body is on fire, you should... A) drink a glass of water. B) induce vomiting. C) wait several hours."
"On the one hand, she killed me. On the other, she brought me back to life as a baby with adult intelligence. Should I press charges (Y/N)?"
"Her codename's Mandelbrot. She's got a tiny version of herself growing out of her head, who has a tinier version of herself on HER head."
"Merpeople religions typically position Hell in the sky and Heaven under the oceanbed, where dolphin and whale bodies rest."
"Merpeople horror fiction features an equivalent to our Cthulhu. It's basically a giant elephant-headed gorilla, made out of ever-hot lava."
Did that mosquito seriously just tell me to "stop slapping yourself!"?
A few miles from the city, in thick forest, a man hollers at the top of his lungs, "Why can't I finish coding this stupid videogame?!"
He tied a piece of pink ribbon around every asteroid that they encountered. They could follow the pink trail back home again, they reasoned.
"My mother was annually fattened up to prepare for her True Christmas Prophecy, the sheer shock of which would cause her to shed 10 pounds."
"Somehow, I feel empty, knowing that every last one of those little stars up there has a metal ring of our making around it."
"Metal skin? Why, I dare say that's a contradiction in itself, don't you think?"
The Empyrean Empress sighed as her Quartz Warpalace fell, in pieces, into the Sun. "I'm gonna be sleeping in a motel tonight," she said.
The syllables of a Word of Power were concealed inside a verse praising the King. It was an assassination that required perfect enunciation.
"Once this little lock sips this, it will no longer hunger for your father's key," he said, and emptied the smoking phial into the keyhole.
As the freed mosquito drifted past the window's bars, he thought, will she remember the plan - that a drop of the Potion is in this insect?
Without hesitation, the princess reached into her pillow and withdrew a stout sword. Ah, he thought, she does know what her death is worth.
For the first time in his short life, he'd broken one of his bones. Fortunately, it happened to be his wishbone.
"Hey, my problem is that my toilet won't stop flushing. Water's been swirling down for 4 days now. I turned off the mains and everything."
"This rope around my ankle leads back to the netherworld. Just one tug and my wife'll pull me back into death - and none will be the wiser."
"We got all the way out here, to the Fountain of Never-Ending Health and Vitality, but we can't open the barrel to fill it up?!"
"They're long gone - some disease, millenia ago," said a voice behind her. She said, "Doesn't anyone in this stupid universe say HELLO?!"
Their shields were saucers. Their helms were cups. Unfortunately, their tea motif meant that their swords could only be big blunt spoons.
Sure enough, the bullets bounced off the bunny's fur once again. Hubert's eyes didn't even widen. "Someday it'll work!" he cried. "Someday!"
Fire and brimstone. Boiling raindrops. Cows milking humans. Blood monsters made of blood and when you shoot them they bleed more blood.
Lies! You CAN tickle yourself! ...If you have sufficiently long fingernails.
Having failed to free the kite with the frisbee, he gazed up at frisbee, kite, football, balloon and cat, and said "Get me the chainsaw."
"This game's dialogue... is forcing me to coin the term 'programmer grammar'."
But, one year later, he reappeared, offering a ring case. She opened it, and there was her bitten-off finger - still wearing the ring.
"I thought my burger tasted odd... some tiny little people up and stole the lettuce clean out of it, to make a, a hang-glider or somethin'."
I might not have any friends, but I'm very good at living vacuously I mean vicariously.
"Look! Feuding skywriters! One's finishing the other's words prematurely - and as swearwords!"
"Who knows," thought the worm as it pushed its apple up the hill, "I could be about to create the largest apple forest in all the world!"
To send mail to the dead, burn letter atop the highest mountain peak. To receive reply, catch the airborne ashes and reassemble carefully.
One room. One increasingly worried man. Two doors. One marked 'Earthly Delights'. One marked 'Heavenly Delights'.
http://j.mp/MindMatter - quick fan art of James Burton's puzzle game Stardust (http://somegames.net).
She picked up the printout, and all of the print slid off in a shower of black. "No!" she cried, hurling the blank page into the air.
"This isn't so much a rapier as one of our rabbit-ears TV aerials sharpened to a point. Don't stab too hard - it's, um, telescoping."
"Hon, why is there a tiny doll-sized staircase placed next to our bathtub?"
"You nitwit! That's not the rippling fields of Paradise Meadows! That's just flapping green mesh on fallen scaffoldi- hey, come back here!"
But in one yard, the thick white snow was pierced by the emerald bristles of Professor Perry's Invincible Grass. Immortal! Unstoppable!
When I talk to someone while watching online video, I turn the volume down so that the people in the video can't hear me. #SENDHELP
She glanced at her, then at the small book sitting alone on the table in front of her. "This is the world's only remaining library."
The ship's anchor bobbed in the water, floating freely. A cry rose up: "No brakes! No brakes!"
"It was all built out of elastic bricks! Elastic! And when that one super almighty earthquake hit... dang entire house just JUMPED away!"
Tie several dozen balloons to a chainsaw. Turn on chainsaw. Release into the wind.
Their last wasted hour, the precious 60 minutes separating them from me: 45 minutes of rest, 14 minutes of phone calls, 1 minute of running.
They wasted their second hour interrupting their getaway. Stopping the car, turning around, then turning back, then stalling. And stalling.
Anxious to make the boulder rolled against the cave's entrance appear undisturbed, they wasted their first hour scattering leaves and moss.
She sent her arm up his sleeve. She wriggled her foot into his trouserleg. Then, with a shove and a yank, he fell to the ground naked.
With blinding speed, the clerk grabbed the tumbling coins. Unfortunately, his customer noticed. "You!" she cried. "Teach me how to fight!"
http://j.mp/SuperGreenShellBros - Don't buy the hype. I made this game and even I find it embarassing.
"My act was beginning to brain up, so I punched my stomach in the self."
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