Leon's Microblog – July 2009

Would a scale model of a metre rule contradict its very nature?
A screenshot of what may someday be a game called "Tomato Heart Apple" - http://bit.ly/BlackVoidFruit #pixelthursdays #smile
"And when I'm done talking, all that will remain is a whiff of ozone and a fine mist of freshly disintegrated minds."
Fire and brimstone! Melting skyscrapers! Babies wearing ties! Tomatos and apples sleeping together!
Used TV, cheap. There's no sound, but it comes with a free tape of Philip Glass music that works in ANY context.
The radio very distinctly said "Tyr's Day" instead of "Tuesday". Uh oh.
I told you - unless you're dealing with Milquetoast's Reluctant Invocation of Several Reasonable Punishments, YOU CAN'T BARGAIN WITH CURSES!
She's not dead - she's simply experiencing a new and terrifying variation of 'alive'.
"I don't care" he said, lowering himself into the machine. "I will never miss being able to cry!" He was eventually proven wrong.
"So, wait, you're supposed to slam car doors, but not fridge doors?"
In truth, I'm being kept asleep by interdimensional dream watchers, who find my dreams so entertaining they cannot bear to let me wake.
This Is How The World Ends: time travelers suddenly appear and drag us all into the distant future, leaving the empty Earth to heal itself.
http://tinyurl.com/SpermRider I'm gladdened by games that feature hand-drawn sprites and animations. Physical graphics, touched by hands.
This Is How The World Ends: A basset hound named Maxwell, the only being who actually exists, dies surrounded by mindless automatons.
This Is How The World Ends: to save disk space, the entire Milky Way galaxy is automatically compressed and archived.
This Is How The World Ends: People realise they could breathe seawater all along; mass exodus from the ruined land to the boundless oceans.
"Well" said the Princess to the farm boy, "I got a shred o' dental floss stuck in my molars, and I'm havin' a heckuva time gettin it out..."
Eventually, as the decades pass, most ghosts decide to drift into outer space, to begin their million-year-long search for the afterlife.
Yes, said the stranger. I killed the Man Who Said Only Nice Things, Even To Ants.
I guess, since I was a child, I've always wanted to be surrounded by thick leaves above and open air below.
Step 4 of the Hallowed Bed-Making Procedure is entitled "the Union of Water and Earth". It simply refers to two of the upper blankets.
"You tried to access the egress in the recess without an excess of success. But I digress."
Sometimes I fret that I do not sufficiently respond to great art. That I don't appreciate it as deeply as society expects me to.
"How can anyone enjoy even a moment's rest, knowing that the moment is one in which everyone else is zipping ahead of you?"
If your intelligence was being slowly and invisibly sucked out of your brain, how long would it take for you to notice? IF EVER?!
Thinking fast, he spun the plane upside-down so that the passengers wouldn't notice that gravity had somehow reversed itself.
I think I'm developing a repulsion to my name. Whenever someone calls it out, bad news usually follows.
When asked for the secret of his 107 years, Tobias G. credited four packs of cigarettes and two strong cups of ice-cold bleach per day.
Unfortunately, "just one more day, Lord" wasn't quite enough to find the missing evidence to save him. Be careful what you wish for!
Killed by an ice meteorite in the middle of the desert. Be careful what you wish for!
While there were many advantages to being able to swim in the air, one downside was having to frequently "come down for earth".
I'm pretty sure everyone else got sent their Certificate of Adulthood by now. ...Maybe they sent mine to my previous address by accident?
After his fifth week of captivity, he had forgotten that there was anything in the world more beautiful than a fruit fly's shining red eyes.
There's actually a lot of implicit aggression in sentences beginning with "Why don't you..."
I tried shouting "booga booga booga" to scare the toaster into relinquishing the toast early.
A good name for a cartoon fairy: Priscilla Felicity.
But the gun fired not bullets but tiny model Space Shuttles, and its discarded casings were not bullet casings but external fuel tanks.
His heart beat slower and slower until it just stopped. Hers beat faster and faster until it exploded. It was a strange mutual suicide.
This beast can spy the emotional pain and burden of its prey from just the rhythm and weight of its footfalls. It is the Sympathetic Puma.
Public weeping only signals to the predators that you're blind and weak. They can't smell fear, but they can smell tears and bloodshot eyes.
"Come on! This isn't train surgery!"
He flipped the coin, then bisected it in midair so that heads AND tails would land and they'd both be saved. But the halves landed on edge?!
And, of course, it was much easier for her to ungrow her hair and fingernails than to scavenge for something to cut them with.
"Haha! As you've figured out, this is not sand but a beach of pure rock salt! Every time I knock you down, you'll really feel your wounds!"
He looked at the wristwatch the mysterious man was wearing. It was just a piece of cardboard with "2009" written on it in marker pen.
When, during a performance of The Producers, they sang the line "blue skies above", all of the vampires in the audience burst into tears.
A small percentage of fish sucked into the sky by waterspouts decide to stay up there, swimming in the thickest of clouds.
And, what's more, they can instantly tunnel to anywhere on Earth by just finding a sandpit and digging a hole!
"I killed your father? Do you have the slightest idea how many fathers I've killed? At one point, the papers dubbed me the Dadmurderer."
Your noise won't disturb me! I'm wearing four earplugs and a set of headphones playing total silence at max volume.
This morning I dreamed that a man dressed as Big Bird was screaming and screaming, and I had to cut his throat to end his misery.
It took a great feat of craftsmanship to produce a weighted coin that would most often land on its edge, but it paid off admirably!
Turns out that scattered shower was a mistake. The raindrops are flying back up now, re-forming into sheepish, blushing clouds.
What the heck is this, floating in the sea? ...A USB stick in a bottle?!
"T-t-that was the most powerful kiss I've ever received! I... I think my tongue is pregnant."
The creepiest zombies are the staring zombies. They don't attack you, or even move. They just stand on the roof of the safehouse, and stare.
The cereal box contained a machine, all ramps and waterwheels and the like, that mixed the fruit and flakes when you poured it.
"Don't kiss me!" he hollered, but it was too late. He felt his morning breath and fetid saliva being sucked out of him. And she didn't care!
It was then, as I stood coated in runny molten chocolate, that I began to wish that our dragons would just breathe ordinary old fire.
All of the pages of this book have only one side. When you turn over each page, it is as if it vanishes. So read each page carefully.
So enamoured was he with the idea that he built an ant colony in a series of ventilated glass domes inside his tropical fish-tank.
There are several rules to the sport of ad-hockey, but their precise interpretation is left to each player.
His murder methods grew madder as well. Shrinking victims, then feeding them to their cat. Or pushing them into a painting, then burning it.
What a strange resident of dry land, the snail. It looks like it escaped from the ocean floor, just the day before!
They live on the faces of the cube, and, curiously, always fall perpendicular to their home face regardless of which one they are on.
"But," the child said, "if everyone get to sit on a spinny wheeled chair at work, won't they all just wanna spin and spin and spin all day?"
The eyeball bush: thriving on fear and paranoia, it tricks passers-by into thinking they are being watched.
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